


Maybe...

by Isaac_Axel



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: 50 chapters and we're still waiting fro the relationship, A LOT of Angst, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Anorexia, Background Asahina Aoi, Background Relationships, Bullying, Character Study, Depressed Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Depression, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt Ishimaru Kiyotaka, I hurt him :(, I think?, Ishimaru-centric, M/M, Male Pronouns for Fujisaki Chihiro, Minor Asahina Aoi/Ogami Sakura, Minor Kirigiri Kyoko/Celestia Ludenberg, Minor Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya, Not Beta Read, OOC, Poor Ishimaru, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Slow Burn, Talk about slowburn, The Author Regrets Everything, WE FINISHED FOLKS, Wow, bullied Ishimaru Kiyotaka, daily updates, i think, idrk yet, kiiiiiinda, most of that is implied, relationship comes later, these tags are a mess, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 64
Words: 69,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23921515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isaac_Axel/pseuds/Isaac_Axel
Summary: Kiyotaka Ishimaru is depressed. He has nothing in his life. But maybe if he changed people would like him...Kinda projecting but also kind of just a character study on how I think he might feel.Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia, as well as talking about existentialism, kind of? If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!
Relationships: Asahina Aoi & Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Fujisaki Chihiro & Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Hagakure Yasuhiro & Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Ishimaru Kiyotaka & Naegi Makoto, Ishimaru Kiyotaka & Oowada Mondo, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Naegi Makoto, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo, It's one-sided I swear, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya, and lots of small background ones that aren't important enough to be tagged
Comments: 530
Kudos: 682





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

Kiyotaka walked through the halls with his head held high. As he moved to adjust his armband he noticed a bright pink stain on his sleeve.  _ Ah, I thought I'd cleaned it all off _ . He headed for the bathroom, moving to the sink he started trying to scrub the blood off.  _ It just wouldn't come out! Why wasn't it working? Why did he fail at everything? Why was he such a screw-up? _

before he could hope to stop them, tears were falling down his face. He kept trying to get the stain out even his tears were joined by snot as he broke down. It was still such a stupid thing to cry over.  _ This is why he cut! These stupid emotions! Men weren't supposed to cry! how could he be the Prime Minister if he was so weak! He was so oversensitive.  _ He pressed against the cuts on his arm. the pain stopping any thoughts he had.

He hated how his body responded to everything with tears, he was such an ugly crier. He hated himself, his thoughts, emotions. His need for attention, affection, anything. But above everything else, he hated not having control. This pain was when he could control. His calories were something he could control. And that helped. Taking in a deep breath he pushed himself off of the floor with you and curled up. Wiping his face he moved to leave the bathroom but was stopped by the door opening. Moving out of the way he quickly dodged out of the bathroom before anyone could see. Deciding to go back to the dorms he started walking.

It was his free period and no one would notice that he was gone. He had no friends. The closest he has was Asahina and Makoto. Asahina was usually busy and Makoto was friends with everyone. He wouldn't be noticed if he left. 

When he got to his room he took off his armband and medal.  _ He wasn't deserving of them. What kind of moral compass couldn't handle a little pain? Couldn't take a few insults without bursting into tears? Couldn't stand up for himself, even after hours at the gym? _

He was nothing. He didn't deserve the title and he didn't deserve the armband. He didn't deserve respect or friends. He was just what everyone said. _ Maybe if he was quieter... _

_ Maybe if he didn't take things so hard... _

_ Maybe if he could take a joke... _

_ Maybe... He could have a friend... someone who didn't hate him. _

Sitting on the edge of his bed he imagined what it would be like if he was on top of a building. No, he couldn't do that to his father. He was relying on Kiyotaka to get them out of debt. He had to push through. He would get over it. He didn't need to trouble anyone else with his issues. He would keep them here, in his empty room. 

_ Yeah... That's what he would do.  _

He was good at hiding things after all. He could hide this easily. The idea brought a chuckle out of him.  _ who would care, even if they found out? _

Standing up he went and got a new uniform jacket. Not caring about the few small wrinkles in it, he left the room. He was already taking up a spot at hope's peak. He might as well not disappoint his teachers.

___________

Life seemed determined to, dare he say, fr*ck him over. He was working and he just had to run into the crazy diamonds. He was working in a gas station to help with the financial situation and they just had to stop here. Not the gas station 5 minutes away. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be recognized. Although that was highly unlikely. He and Oowada were always fighting. His stupid eyebrows were very recognizable, another fact about himself he hated. Maybe if he was better-looking people wouldn’t be so mean…

He was taken out of his thoughts by someone coming up to the counter. Thankfully it wasn’t mondo. Some guy with spiky black hair, longer than his with a long face. After taking care of him it seemed as though he would get out of this without humiliation, But of course, life (and the author) had other plans.

“Oi Daichi, get out here!”

“Fuck off! I’m coming!”

“Yeah, ye- Hardass?”

Dang, it! Of course, the ultimate biker had to see him. Why did he have to look so god with his hair down?

“Oowada”

“Pfft, you fuckin’ work here?”

Taka’s eyes narrowed and his back straightened even more than before.

“What is it to you?"

"I dunno, just the fact that your clearly just as much of a hardass outside of school as you are in."

"Proper etiquette is important."

"more like you just an annoying fucker who doesn't know how to have fun"

"I suppose you're right."

"yeah I am- wait-"

"If you are not going to purchase anything then you have no business here, correct?"

"What th' hell-"

"correct?"

"That's no way to treat your customers, dipshit"

"you are not a customer. Now if you excuse me I have work to do."

"This is why no one likes you, you fucking killjoy."

The breath that Taka took in was loud enough that they probably would have heard if they hadn't left after ~~butter boy~~ Oowada said that.

Collapsing against the wall of cigarettes behind him, Taka found himself crying again. Of course. He knew that The biker was quick to anger but how did he always know which insecurity to pull at? Today had been far from a good day, but this just made him sink even lower in his pit of despair.  _ He was right, wasn’t he? No one likes me. Even Hina and Makoto are faking it. If I didn’t have this job I’d just be a burden to my father.  _

Standing back up he wiped his eyes. Only an hour left. Then he could go back to the dorms. That was all it would take until the next worker would come in for their shift. All he had to do was keep it somewhat together for an hour. 

_ But then what? Just go to his room and cry like a weakling?  _

Just one more hour. 

One more hour and he could drown in his books until bed.  _ Or you could actually drown. It'd be a better use of your time.  _

Wincing as he presses down on his cuts he moves so he's leaning against the counter. It might not be a bad idea, but the funeral bill would suck. _ If they care enough to have one that is. _

Just one more hour.

He looks back at the clock. It’s been an hour and his coworker is late. As she comes running in the door I grab my bag and start back towards the school. It’s not overly late but it will be soon. Walking quickly I make it back to the dorms.

Mentally I plan out my evening.  _ Homework for an hour. Study for an hour. Call father for 15 Minutes. Brush teeth and read for another 40 minutes. Then sleep at 9:00. If everything follows the plan then I won’t have to worry about getting a new gaze for Physical Education tomorrow. _

Nodding to myself I walk to my room.  _ Mikan never notices any gauze missing. Your dad won’t want to talk to you for a whole 15 minutes. Some free time. You were awful today. You saw how they looked at you. _

I look over to the scissors sitting next to the pens and pencils on my desk.  _ Maybe… _

_ Just a few. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning he woke up and quickly went through his schedule. Wake up, get dressed, Brush teeth, workout for 45 minutes, take a shower, change into a school uniform, greet everyone, study for 30 minutes, go to class. Standing up he went to his closet. Was it even worth working out? No one notices. 
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

The next morning he woke up and quickly went through his schedule. Wake up, get dressed, Brush teeth, workout for 45 minutes, take a shower, change into a school uniform, greet everyone, study for 30 minutes, go to class. Standing up he went to his closet.  _ Was it even worth working out? No one notices.  _

Deciding that he should go any way he grabbed his outfit, changed, and headed over to the gym. Why did he always wake up so early? Scanning the gym he noticed Oowada and Fujisaki on one side. Hearing the door open they looked over to him like he was a murderer. He just turned to the treadmills on the other side of the gym and started running. He could feel their eyes on his back as he ran. They started whispering softly and he heard the sound of weights being picked up. 

_ Probably annoyed that you had to ruin their time. All you ever do is mess things up. All you had to do was enter the room. _

Sighing he turned the speed up a little. Hoping that the sound of the machine and his footsteps would be enough to drown out the voice. He was too tired to deal with it right now. The whirr and thump started to fade.  _ That's as fast as you can go? Aren’t you trying to improve? Or do you want to be a disappointment forever?  _ Brows furrowed, he turned the speed up higher.  _ Mm Still pretty low  _ Higher.  _ No wonder they hate y-  _ higher.  _ This is why your father never wa-  _ higher.

_ No wonder all those kids were able to beat you up. You’re too GODDAMN SLOW. _

Higher.

He had turned it up to high. He missed a step and tripped. He slammed down onto the machine. Feeling his face heat up he could hear footsteps running over and the sound of laughter.

“Mondo! Stop laughing, He could be seriously hurt!”

Moving to a sitting position he felt blood coming from his nose.  _ Pathetic.  _

“I am fine Fujisaki-san. I just need to get a tissue.”

“A-are you sure? You look pretty pale.”

“I shall be fine. Perhaps I can ask Mikan to look at it. I needed more gauze anyway.”

Standing up he managed to balance, using the machine to stay upright. Hopefully he would be able to make it to his room. Wiping the blood from his nose he grabbed his bag and started towards the doors. His leg, apparently, had other ideas. His knees buckled as soon as he stood up and nearly fell. Leaning against the wall he tried to smile at Fujisaki. He could tell it was more of a grimace. The smaller boy looking at him worriedly.

Oowada was still on the other side of the room. He had stopped but still looked faintly amused. Taka was so tired. His bones ached and his eyelids felt too heavy. He didn’t have the will power to stand up straight. Slumping, he started to limp out of the gym. Using the wall to keep him up he made it to the door. He must have hit his leg, It felt like it had cracked. Taking in a deep breath he straightened his shoulders and started to the stairs.  _ Weak. See, even Fujisaki doesn’t care enough to help you.  _

Taking the stairs one at a time he could feel his leg throbbing with each step.  _ Why bother Mikan with your useless whining? Stop being a baby and suck it up. How do you expect to be a leader if you can’t take a little pain? _

_ Maybe… If he could prove he wasn’t a wimp… _

_ Maybe If they thought he was tough… _

Finally reaching his room he wiped the blood off his face, leaving smear marks. Looking in the mirror above his sink decided to skip today.  _ No one will notice. If anything they’ll be happy. Might as well give back your badge. No one wants you around.  _

Funny… He had gotten plenty of sleep but he still had bags under his eyes.  _ Ugh, you look even worse than usual.  _

Turning on the sink, he rinsed the blood off of his hands and from under his nose. Looking down at his shirt he had a couple spatters on that too.  _ Of fucking course.  _ Taking off his shirt he threw it into the hamper in the corner of his room.  _ You missed. _ Not caring he walked over to his closet and pulled out a big shirt. It was some random shirt he found at a second-hand shop but it was soft and comfortable. The only comfort item he had. It had some faded design from an old book series but that wasn’t important. pulling it on, he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. 

_ Oowada and Fujisaki are probably mad that you interrupted their workout. Fujisaki-san was just starting to like you too. You’re not worth their time. _

The tears that had been waiting since the fall finally slipped out.  _ Pathetic. Weak. Crybaby. Loser. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid. _

His hands had weaved into his hair and he was pulling. It wasn’t painful yet, Bordering on comforting and hurting. He jumped as he heard three small knocks at the door. Looking up and wiping his eyes he walked over to the door.  _ You’re going to see someone when you look like  _ this _? You really are stupid. _

Opening the door he was greeted by a small brunette and the Ultimate nurse. 

“Hey Ishimaru, I know you said you’d be fine but I figured that you should probably have your leg looked at!”

“Y-yes, I sh-sh-should probably look at it. If you d-don’t mind that is!” Mikan hurried.

_ They're just looking down on you. They don’t care. Look at their eyes it’s just pity. You don’t deserve their pity. They came all this way don’t waste their time. _

Standing up straight he smiled widely,  _ fake, _ “Thank you for your concern Fujisaki-san. You two really don’t have any reason too. I am in perfect health!” 

_ Wow, so weak that you want them to care? That’s pathetic. You’re disgusting. You don’t deserve to go to this school. You’re just like your grandfather. Annoying and selfish. _

“Trust me, I am perfectly fine! I found I have a cold. So I may not see you in class” Bowing, he hoped the two girls didn’t notice how strained his voice was. 

“Eek! O-of course… But put some ice on your l-leg, please!”

Standing back up he forced a smile and nodded.

“Of course Mikan-sama! Enjoy your day! You as well Fujisaki-san!”

Closing the door he turned and resumed his seat on the edge of his bed.  _ You really are the worst. You can’t even have one conversation without making a fool of yourself, AND you forgot more bandages.  _

Sighing, he leaned back onto his bed. His father would probably call and ask about his absence.  _ What a screw-up.  _

_ Maybe he wasn’t worthy of friends… _

_ Maybe he wasn’t worthy of love… _

_ Maybe the only thing he was worth was hate... _

_ Maybe he should give up… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading! I wanted to clear one thing up, for future chapters.
> 
> In this fic, Fujisaki will be going by He/Him pronouns. He already told the class his secret (on his terms) and Mondo and him train together. No one has issues with it except Hifumi but he keeps It to himself! The next chapter will probably be Fujisaki POV!
> 
> Also, I'm not an experienced writer and I'm trying to make each chapter 1k which is long for me! Sorry if it takes a while to get out! And thank you for the sweet comments! They really inspire and motivate me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His leg was hurting- It’s what you deserve. The voice never seemed to leave anymore. It used to only come late at night. Only when he was really upset.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

He heard Mikan and Fujisaki talking outside. His head felt too fuzzy for him to even understand.  _ They’re talking about how much they hate you. You wasted their time asshole.  _ Footsteps faded into the silence that covered him entirely. He wanted to sleep but he wasn’t tired. He wanted to move but his body felt like lead. Everything was crashing around him. More than anything he wanted to do something. Something productive. He wanted to be useful.  _ Not even worth it. In the end, it won’t matter. _

_ Maybe if you didn’t waste so much air… _

_ Maybe if you weren’t such a prick… _

_ Maybe if you didn’t hold yourself like a self-righteous genius… _

_ Maybe they’d like you… _

Rolling unto his side he curled up. His leg was hurting-  _ It’s what you deserve.  _ The voice never seemed to leave anymore. It used to only come late at night. Only when he was really upset. It used to say it offered the truth. Seeming to shrug and retreat whenever he told it to. Now it seemed to stay in his head. Wrapped around his brain. It was similar to something he had felt when he was younger… Something he didn’t have a name for.

Rolling off the bed he looked at the clock. It had been a couple of hours.  _ No one came to check on you, hm? Wow, shocker. _

He was hungry.  _ Fucking fatass,  _ Getting up he started off towards the kitchen. Maybe… an apple? Looking down, he grabbed it. Frowning he went over to the cutting board. He cut it in half,  _ should’ve cut your self too.  _

Walking out of the room, eating his apple he almost ran into Naegi. 

“Oh! Hey Taka! I’ve been looking for you!”

“Ah, I apologize! I didn’t mean to worry you.”  _ You really think  _ The  _ ultimate Hope was worried about you? _

“Where were you? I missed you in class today?”

“I- ah- Wasn’t feeling quite up to standard today. Did I miss anything?”  _ Really? Now you’re bothering him even more?  _

“Um, No not really. Mostly just review, But are you ok? Need anything?”

“Of course! I will be fine tomorrow!”

Walking away from Naegi Taka felt so stupid. Why would he lie like that? He was known for being truthful!  _ Might as well be the ultimate liar. You worthless piece of trash. Can’t do anything right can you? _

Walking up the stairs to his room he threw the rest of the apple away. He really didn’t need it.  _ Or deserve it. _ He sat down at his desk, opening up a textbook, and started studying.  _ Finally something useful. _ His eyes refused to stay on the page. He tried but he was so tired. Looking over at his bed he heard the voice snap at him.  _ Are you crazy? Do you want to be a lazy, fat, bitch like Hifumi? No? Then keep working! Prove your worth!  _

As he turned back to the book in front of him he saw his phone vibrating. His father was calling. Answering he put it to his ear.

“Hello Father”

“Good afternoon Kiyotaka, care to tell me why you were missing school?”

“I was just feeling slightly under the weather.”

“Mm. You couldn’t attend because you were sick?”

“Y- Yes”

“Never stopped me.”

“I know. I-It won’t happen again.”

“Good. Make me proud.”

“I will”

The call ended and Taka slowly lowered his phone. It was an old flip phone. He had never been bothered by it before. He knew his father meant well, He was just trying to get out of debt and was parenting the way he knew how. His mother had passed a few years ago and it didn’t help financially or emotionally. His father became a shell. Tired and wasn’t able to help with much of anything. He only ate worked and slept.

_ You aren’t helping either. Making him stress about whether you’ll be able to help or not. Whether you’ll ruin him further. _

_ Maybe if you were a better son… _

_ Maybe if you worked harder… _

_ Maybe if you didn’t spend so much on selfish things… _

Gripping his hair he felt tears well up and fall. Of course. As though he wasn’t already ugly enough he had to do this too. Standing up he headed towards the door. Some water and maybe half a piece of gum could get him through the day.  _ That’s a lot of calories. Plus you’ll probably eat dinner. _

Standing up anyways he made it halfway down the hall before he heard Fujisaki call out to him.

“Ah! Ishi! Are you feeling better?”

“He was prob’ly faked it. Jus’ fucked with us. He looks fine don’ he?”

“Language Oowada”  _ He’s right, isn’t he? You shouldn’t have made them waste their breath worrying. _

“Mondo! You know that isn’t true!” 

“Fujisaki it’s fine. Don’t bother wasting your breath. It is not worth it.”

“Hah? Ya sayin’ I ain’t worth your time? Mr. Genius too important to give us the time of day or some shit?”

Taka flinched away at the condescending tone.  _ He’s right, your acting like a self-absorbed idiot! _ Comparing it, The voice seemed strangely similar to Oowada.

“N-no! I-O didn’t mean it like that!” He hoped no one could hear the desperate edge to his voice. It felt like he was begging. Anything to get him to stop talking like that.

“Sure ya didn’t.” The taller man said, rolling his eyes. “An’ ya aren’t some freak with control issues.”

“Mondo! Stop, why are you being so mean?”

He couldn’t hear Oowada’s reply. The pounding in his head was too loud and he suddenly felt a lot weaker than he had a moment ago. His bones felt weak like they had been turned to glass about to break. He sunk to his knees, he could hardly breathe. His vision went blurry before he fell backward. He heard muffled voices as he blacked out. 

_ Even when you go down you make a scene, huh? _

_ Maybe If you acted better they wouldn’t hate you… _

_ Maybe they wouldn’t think you were such a prick… _

_ Maybe you should let me take over... _

_ I could get you what you want just trust me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed it the voice is my take on Ishida. Right now it doesn't have a name. It's still kinda forming, but Ishimaru admires how many friends Mondo has and is subconsciously mimicking him. I hope that makes sense.
> 
> Also, Takaaki (Taka's dad) Isn't a bad parent. He tries but his father was shit and he's trying to be better. His wife's death hit him hard and it's difficult for him. He does love Taka though. Make of that what you will.
> 
> Thank you for the kind comments! They make me so happy and really motivate me! If you have any ideas for the title I might change it... No promises though!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Taka woke up he had no idea where he was. His stomach, back and face hurt now and he...was on the floor? 
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!
> 
> We got Ishida!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

I was trying to calm mondo down when Ishimaru collapsed! He fell to his knees, head hanging down. It seemed like he was going to fall over but instead he just gripped his hair. He looked like he was in pain. Reaching toward him he stopped. His hair seemed to turn more grey than black and he sat up. He met my gaze. It was… unnerving. His eyes seemed off, they had a strong intensity in them. He got up and stretched as though nothing had happened. 

Terrified I squeaked out “I-Ishimaru?”

He had turned to look at the hallway but at my words, he looked at me and smiled. It was full of anger and seemed very out of place for him.

“Nah, ‘m not that loser. You fuckers can call me Ishida.” He smiled wider as he spoke. Ondo was on the verge of laughter and I was too scared to move.

“I-Ishimaru stop! This isn’t funny anymore!”

“I already told ya, kid. I’m not that prick! And you!” He turned to face Mondo head-on. “You, You sure talk a lot for someone who has the vocabulary range of a preschooler.”

His face turned red and he immediately got into Ishima- Ishida’s face.

“Oh yeah, Point dexter? You think you could take me?”

“Oh, I know. Not that you would know what that’s like!”

“We can fight right now if you want!” He was nearly shaking, I was torn between stopping Mondo or trying to get Ishimaru to stop.

"Go ahead!"

Mondo launched forward at "Ishida" and was thrown off immediately. Getting back up he tried to do the same thing, but this time he was flipped over the smaller man shoulder. When Mondo got up "Ishida" tried to land a punch, Mondo knee-ing him in the stomach instead. 

I was frozen in shock. Ishimaru was never like this! After another minute or so of them wrestling to get the other down, Mondo managed to slam Ishimaru down. 

"Mondo! Stop" I was nearly in hysterics. "He's bleeding!"

His hair seemed to darken and when he opened his eyes he seemed confused. Red eyes widened as Mondo kicked him. Curling in on himself to avoid the blows. 

Seemingly done Mondo turned around and stood next to me. He wiped a little bit of blood from a scratch next to his eye. He was glaring at the Ultimate Moral compass. 

"serves him right'"

The boy in question was on his elbows and dry heaving. 

"Mondo Oowada! Does he look ok? NO! Go pick him, we need Mikan!" I was so scared and angry that others looked over. 

He really didn't look good. He was paler than usual and seemed very disoriented. Mondo didn't seem very happy but he went over anyway. Ishimaru apparently had different ideas. Seeing the other man approaching he tried to move away but just ended up curling in on himself. 

Realizing this wasn't going to work I moved closer to the dark-haired boy. A small group was forming around us. No one we knew so I tried to get them to leave him alone.

"Mondo go get Mikan. Tell her what happened."

God, I hope Ishimaru is ok.

_________________

<<We’re doing a POV switch, back to our normal POV. Ok? ok>>

When Taka came to he had no idea where he was. His stomach, back and face hurt now and he...was on the floor? _Why’d you come back? I told you I’d take care of things!_ A kick aimed at his stomach landed and he felt the air leave his lungs as he tried to sit up. He made it to his elbows before he nearly threw up. There wasn’t anything in him so the only thing that came up was a bit of stomach fluid.

He saw A figure walking towards him, assuming it was his attacker he tried to back away. He tried to tell him to stop but his voice was less of a sound and more of a whimper.

“P-please stop. I- I apologize, please leave me alone.” _This is what you get. You should have let me have control. You really are useless!_

The first footsteps seemed to leave and a lighter pair replaced them.

I heard voices in the distance and them a little more clearly;

“A-are you ok Ishi?”

Coughing I tried to answer her the best I could.

“O-of course. Do not worry, I will get past this!”

The boy above him looked shocked and a little angry, _See, you said something wrong._

_Maybe If you had let yourself get beat up he wouldn’t be so upset._

“We called Mikan, she should be here soon. J-just stay down please, ok?”

“Really I will be fine! If I can just-” Wincing he tried to sit up only to be gently pushed back down by the other boy who he recognized as Fujisaki. His head was absolutely killing him. Reaching up he felt something warm on his head. Moving his hand back down he flinches at how much blood is on his hand. He must have hit the ground pretty hard. There was probably blood everywhere. _Even when you're getting beat up you make life harder for everyone. I didn’t even think you could mess that up! Wow, you really do suck._

Clenching his teeth he sat up and immediately felt the light-headed. He felt a hand on his back, steadying him. Taking in a deep breath he moved to touch is head again when he felt a smaller hand wrap around his wrist.

“Don’t do that, You might hurt yourself.”

He wanted to nod but moving his head hurt too much. _So rude Kiyotaka._

_Maybe if he was kinder he wouldn’t be beaten up…_

**_But why was he beaten up?_ ** _For being an asshole of course._

**_But why couldn’t he remember it?_ ** _Must be the head trauma._

Looking down at his hands in his lap, he heard whispers as a soft voice asked others to move and got closer. Looking up at Mikan and Mondo he couldn’t help but hope that the memory loss was because of the head injury. If it wasn’t… 

That wasn’t normal… People would hate him even more… Why does life hate him? _Because It’s what you deserve_

_Maybe if you weren’t so weird people would like you…_

_Maybe if you were a better person life wouldn’t go out of the way to hurt you…_

_Maybe if you suffer more than you can finally get some good luck..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first half is an attempt at first person from Chihiro's POV. then we go back to the usual Taka POV. in case that was unclear.
> 
> This sucks, I can't write action and I feel like my idea of Ishida is too much like Fukawa and jack. Also, is Taka to OOC? Tell me, I'm always trying to improve!
> 
> Your comments make me so happy! They mean a lot and help motivate me to write each day! A couple of my favorite writers have left kudos and I'm so happy! <3 Thanks for the support!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was so confused, his head hurt and he just wanted to sleep. Why was it him? Why couldn’t he even walk down the hall without messing up?
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

<< **_Bold and Italics are Taka’s thoughts directed at Ishida,_** _and we know that Ishida is just Italics. They will be talking a little so I wanted to keep that clear! >>_

A few moments after the terrifying realization, Mikan showed up. Apologizing profusely she asked Sakura, who had walked over with Asahina to see what the crowd was about, to carry him to the nurse's office. They had a school nurse but Mikan usually took over in order to train her skill. He was so tired, he had been told not to close his eyes in case he had a concussion. Looking around lazily as Sakura carried he saw Fujisaki glaring at Mondo as the taller boy argued back something. **_Wonder what they’re arguing about?_**

_Probably about how you messed up. Wow. Did you really just think something so conceited?_

**_You’re the one who said it!_ **

_Mm, But I’m you, am I not?_

**_I guess…_ **

_Exactly._

He was so confused, his head hurt and he just wanted to sleep. Why was it him? Why couldn’t he even walk down the hall without messing up? _Yeah… You did fuck up pretty bad, and you don’t even know how you did! Ahahahaha That’s the best part!_

_Maybe you’d be better off just letting yourself bleed to death…_

_Maybe you could beg Mikan to end you, She pities you enough as it is…_

_Maybe you could ask Sakura to drop you and leave you here, You’re already inconveniencing her…_

They had made it to the small sterile room. He was placed gently on the cot beside where Mikan was nervously fidgeting with her hair. She thanked Sakura and moved over to where Taka was laying. 

“S-so you d-d-do h-have a concussion. S-so you have t-to be careful when you’re doing anything a-active. You m-might not remember anything a-about w-what happened, b-but that is perfectly n-normal! I- I’m sorry but you shouldn’t look at screens or d-do anything wi-with movement.”

“So amnesia is a side effect?”

“Y-yes. Why?”

“Ah, No reason. Just curious, Thank you.”

“Y-yeah, O-oh and have s-someone wake y-you up every couple h-hours when you s-sleep! Please!” _Or you could just hope it kills you._ ** _Unfortunately,_** ** _I don’t think that happens too often._**

Sakura was waiting outside the door to help him to his room. He was always surprised at how kind she was to everyone. _Even trash like you!_ She had a hand against his back and walked slowly. No wonder Asahina loved her, she really was kind. 

When they reached his room he smiled weakly and waved as she left. He walked in and slumped unto the bed. The teachers had been told about his situation and they would be sending someone over to tell him about the lessons. Remembering Mikan’s words he turned off his phone. His father would have to understand why.

_Still disappointing him, hm? So annoying! He can’t even call you? What if you make him worry? What a waste that would be!_

_Maybe if you had gone to the military school Mother had planned for you…_

_Maybe if you were a better man…_

_Maybe If you were stronger…_

_Maybe if you could go a week without those stupid pills..._

As he drifted off he thought of his father's upset face, His mother's disapproving glare, and his grandfather's cruelty.

* * *

He was young when his grandfather was found out. He remembered his mother’s sighs and glares. She was never the same. She had been soft and loving, protective but kind to the people around her. His father had been handsome and happy, now he looked old and never smiled.

As a child, he hadn’t understood the change. He didn’t get why he never saw his Grandfather except when he as talked about on the TV. He didn’t understand why his toys had to be sold. Why they had to leave their 2story house for an apartment for a small apartment that forced them to give their cat to a friend.

He didn’t know why the kids hated him. Looking back now, they probably didn’t either. The teachers shot him side glances and he didn’t know why. He assumed he had done something wrong. Not wanting to upset his parents he kept it to himself. That was when the voice came in. It said it was a friend, so he wouldn’t be alone. Now all he wanted was to be alone.

The memories of his mother and father’s whispered arguments. His father would always apologize, say he should have known better. His mother would take him in her arms and comfort him. She never blamed him. They might not have had anything but they were alright. They could stay above water.

Then it happened. His mother was walking home from her job at a nearby meat factory when a drunk man had recognized her. Started yelling, none of that was unusual. Until he grabbed his pocket knife and attacked her. He and his father had both fallen asleep and no one found her until the next morning. She had managed to move down a couple of streets but in the end, she bled out. The corpse had terrified Taka into tears. He was 15 and his father was upset. I told him to man up and shut up. Those had been the words he lived by every day now. If it wasn’t important, don’t say it. Don’t be a crybaby, it will get you nowhere.

A few moments after the terrifying realization Mikan showed up. Apologizing profusely she asked Sakura, who had walked over with Asahina to see what the crowd was about, to carry him to the nurse's office. They had a school nurse but Mikan usually took over to train her skill. He was so tired, he had been told not to close his eyes in case he had a concussion. Looking around lazily as Sakura carried he saw Fujisaki glaring at Mondo as the taller boy argued back something. **_Wonder what they’re arguing about?_**

_Probably about how you messed up. Wow. Did you really just think something so conceited?_

**_You’re the one who said it!_ **

_Mm, But I’m you, am I not?_

**_I guess…_ **

_Exactly._

He was so confused, his head hurt and he just wanted to sleep. Why was it him? Why couldn’t he even walk down the hall without messing up? _Yeah… You did fuck up pretty bad, and you don’t even know how you did! Ahahahaha That’s the best part!_

_Maybe you’d be better off just letting yourself bleed to death…_

_Maybe you could beg Mikan to end you, She pities you enough as it is…_

_Maybe you could ask Sakura to drop you and leave you here, You’re already inconveniencing her…_

They had made it to the small sterile room. He was placed gently on the cot beside where Mikan was nervously fidgeting with her hair. She thanked Sakura and moved over to where Taka was laying. 

“S-so you d-d-do h-have a concussion. S-so you have t-to be careful when you’re doing anything a-active. You m-might not remember anything a-about w-what happened, b-but that is perfectly n-normal! I- I’m sorry but you shouldn’t look at screens or d-do anything wi-with movement.”

“So amnesia is a side effect?”

“Y-yes. Why?”

“Ah, No reason. Just curious, Thank you.”

“Y-yeah, O-oh and have s-someone wake y-you up every couple h-hours when you s-sleep! Please!” _Or you could just hope it kills you._ ** _Unfortunately, I don’t think that happens too often._**

Sakura was waiting outside the door to help him to his room. He was always surprised at how kind she was to everyone. _Even trash like you!_ She had a hand against his back and walked slowly. No wonder Asahina loved her, she really was kind. 

When they reached his room he smiled weakly and waved as she left. He walked in and slumped unto the bed. The teachers had been told about his situation and they would be sending someone over to tell him about the lessons. Remembering Mikan’s words he turned off his phone. His father would have to understand why.

_Still disappointing him, hm? So annoying! He can’t even call you? What if you make him worry? What a waste that would be!_

_Maybe if you had gone to the military school mom had planned for you…_

_Maybe if you were a better man…_

_Maybe If you were stronger..._

Maybe if you could go a week without those stupid pills...

As he drifted off he thought of his father's upset face, His mother's disapproving glare, and his grandfather's cruelty.

* * *

He was young when his grandfather was found out. He remembered his mother’s sighs and glares. She was never the same. She had been soft and loving, protective but kind to the people around her. His father had been handsome and happy, now he looked old and never smiled.

As a child, he hadn’t understood the change. He didn’t get why he never saw his Grandfather except when he as talked about on the TV. He didn’t understand why his toys had to be sold. Why they had to leave their 2story house for an apartment for a small apartment that forced them to give their cat to a friend.

He didn’t know why the kids hated him. Looking back now, they probably didn’t either. The teachers shot him side glances and he didn’t know why. He assumed he had done something wrong. Not wanting to upset his parents he kept it to himself. That was when the voice came in. It said it was a friend, so he wouldn’t be alone. Now all he wanted was to be alone.

The memories of his mother and father’s whispered arguments. His father would always apologize, say he should have known better. His mother would take him in her arms and comfort him. She never blamed him. They might not have had anything but they were alright. They could stay above water.

Then it happened. His mother was walking home from her job at a nearby meat factory when a drunk man had recognized her. Started yelling, none of that was unusual. Until he grabbed his pocket knife and attacked her. He and his father had both fallen asleep and no one found her until the next morning. She had managed to move down a couple of streets but in the end, she bled out. The corpse had terrified Taka into tears. He was 15 and his father was upset. I told him to man up and shut up. Those had been the words he lived by every day now. If it wasn’t important, don’t say it. Don’t be a crybaby, it will get you nowhere.

When he woke up it was with the image of his mother’s dead body fresh in his mind. He felt tears drip down his chin, he was far too tired to think about it. Apparently so was the voice as it said nothing. He knew that he shouldn’t be crying as much as he was but he couldn’t help it. Getting up he realized he was hungry. Normally he would shrug it off as not nessacary but this time he didn’t care. He went into the kitchen and found Hagakure. He was sitting at a table not far from the entrance. He had a bagel and a mug of something. Noticing Taka, he walked over.

His voice was a lot lower than usual. His hair was a lot messier than usual. 

“Hey bruh, you ok? Ya look pretty rough.”

Taka just shook his head as a fresh round of tears fell down.

“Here, uh- you want some coffee? I have another bagel toasting if you want that too?”

Nodding shakily he watched as the clairvoyant walked around the island and poured him a cup. His father was absolutely addicted to it. He preferred tea, but he was too out of it to care about small things, or anything really. He accepted the mug with a nod of thanks. He followed the brunet to the table and sat down. He had never really noticed but Hagakure was always very kind to him. He was a nice man. 

“Th-thank you, Hagakure-san.”

“No problem man! Call me Hiro dude, It’s easier.”

He gave the man a small smile before sipping his coffee.

“Woah! Do you just drink black coffee? That’s impressive, I need a shit ton of milk in mine!” As he laughed and made small talk, Taka found himself relaxing. He was easy to talk to. They talked for a while before Hiro said something about going back to his room and Taka followed him to the dorms. Once they had parted Taka found himself happier than he had been in a long time. He had made a new friend!

Maybe…

Maybe he would be ok...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never miss a chance to rave about Sakura, I love her sm. I hope I did Hagakure and Mikan justice with their characters but you tell me!  
> Your comments are all so sweet and really help motivate and keep me going!
> 
> The reason why we have less Ishida is that he is sulking. He will come back, also he may insult him but he will never use the F slur or anything else. He is still a part of Taka and as Taka is gay, so is he.
> 
> Side note I just want to say that what Taka thinks is "manly" and "girly" is wrong. Everyone cries and it doesn't make you weak for doing so. He thinks this way because of his father's words as well as bullies. I hope you like the chapter <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Taka woke up the next morning he felt lighter than ever. He got out of bed, went to the gym, and had an apple for breakfast. He was felt better than he had all week.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

When Taka woke up the next morning he felt lighter than ever. He got out of bed, went to the gym, and had an apple for breakfast. He was felt better than he had all week. He studied and could focus. He couldn’t go to class because of the concussion, but he stayed in the kitchen and greeted everyone as they passed. When Haga- Hiro walked passed he smiled and even stopped to talk for a couple of minutes. _Oh my god._

**_What’re you doing here?_ **

**** _I never left, but that’s beside the point. Do you really think he’s your friend?_

**_Well, yes. He was very kind to me._ **

Frowning, Taka moved to go back to his room. He grabbed another apple that he bit into as he walked to the library. He would go to MIkan at lunch. 

_I mean, If you think friendship is a pity, then sure I guess._

**_P-Pity?_ **

_Yeah, Pity. You fucking fatass, You were a mess. No wonder he felt bad for you._

**_I-I suppose that makes sense…_ **

_Of fucking course it does, dumbass. Do you really think that a real ultimate would care about you? As if._

_Sitting down he pulled the book that was already on the table over to him. Some popular Western fiction book series. He had heard of it briefly but never bothered reading. That seems unproductive, you could be working._ Pushing it aside he reached into his bag and pulled out his science book. He was almost through it, multiple chapters ahead of his class.

He never really understood the point of fiction or fantasy, science fiction seemed ok, but why read if not for information? Why read for choice? It seemed similar to the concept of video games. Pointless and entirely unnecessary, _Just like you._ Opening the science book he set his mind on studying. He managed to study for a couple hours before he got tired and went back to his room. It was almost lunch, he could probably go and see Mikan. He just could seem to think as well as usual. It wasn’t the hazy space he’d been in a couple of days ago, just it seemed like it was behind a curtain he couldn’t reach.

On his way to the other wing of the building, he noticed a group of upperclassmen eating together. Two of them seemed to be laughing as a 3rd with pink hair ran from a short blonde who was being held back by a girl with grey hair. They all seemed to be having fun. Even the pink-haired boy seemed to be laughing. He had seen others in groups like that. They all seemed so close and happy. Even when they argued, they were close enough to not let that come between them.

He had a few friends in elementary school. Most kids didn’t bother, but a few would say hi or let him sit at their table. In middle school, no one talked to him unless it was yelling at him for messing up. Whenever someone did he knew it was on a dare. He had fallen for it once before learning his lesson. 

He was still apprehensive about the idea of friends. It was just another weakness, He understood certain alliances from a business standpoint, but this was different. _Not like anyone would want to be friends with you anyway. Your so boring, you think you’re special but you’re just a stuck-up asshole with a talent that isn’t even a real talent. Who needs a hall monitor?_

He was so distracted by (hopefully) his thoughts that he didn’t realize until too late that he was going to crash into someone. He was suddenly falling until someone caught him by the arm. Automatically he moved his arm out of the grip, used to being chased. Unfortunately, this was not a time he was being chased, and he hit his shoulder hard against the tiled floor. 

“Ah! Ishi! A-Are you ok? Mondo, why’d you push him?”

“Hey! I didn’! He crashed into me!”

Looking up he saw Fujisaki and Oowada looking down at him, Fujisaki looked worried but Oowada just looked bored a bit uncomfortable. He sat up, holding a hand over his shoulder. It hurt quite a lot. Honestly, there was probably a bruise, and moving it would be very painful. _Nothing you don’t deserve. You’re such a worthless waste of space._

“I- uh I was just going over to see if you were alright. We were worried!”

“Wha’? No, I wasn’t!”

“Mondo! Not the time!”

“No,” He had stood up and was facing the two boys in front of him with a small smile. _Again with all this faking and lying, Being a moral compass is your “talent”. Stop being bad at that too. “_ It’s fine, you don’t need to lie to me. I know I’m not very likable. But in regards to your worry, I really am perfectly fine! I was on my way to see Mikan now in fact!”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better but… what do you mean unlikable?”

“Ah, nothing. It doesn’t matter much anyway. I’ve got to go to Mikans though. Goodbye!” He dodges around them walking quick enough that they wouldn’t follow. Over his shoulder, he heard them walking

“Bye…? Wait- Mondo you were supposed to apologize!”

“Wha-? I barely had a chance!”

Turning the corner to Mikans he leaned against the wall. Those had barely been his words, he was more careful than that. What- who was that? 

**_What did you do?_ **

_Nothing much! Just having a little fun! You wouldn’t want people finding out your secrets, right?_

**_Of course not!_**

_Then You need to be more careful. I might just let something slip._

**_No!_**

_Just watch me you worthless piece of trash! Might as well end it all if you’re so worried. Because if you don’t, I will._

_Maybe you should end it..._

_Maybe you should let them know, Show them how disgusting you really are..._

_Maybe I could help you..._

_I can offer a release... I can help you..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took away his happy, again. Sorry
> 
> MIght do some Mondo POV stuff next idk, his talking style is weird to write, good job to people who do it really well.
> 
> I don't like this chapter very much... But! Soon we will get the Ishimondo we need. It might be a bit of a slow burn but it's coming! If you did like it please let me know! Comments fuel me! I don't really know where this is going but hopefully, I won't ruin a good thing! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe if we got to know each other a little we could be friends. I hope so.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

All Taka had wanted to do was rest. Mikan had said that it was a minor concussion and that he could go back to school next week. The teachers had sent Naegi to drop off his work. The shorter boy stayed to talk for a while, honestly, it was painful. He was so effortlessly happy and friendship was so simple for him. The voice kept reminding of his flaws the entire time. He felt like he was being broken down from the inside. He stayed until he got a text from someone and blushed before apologizing and leaving. It should have bothered him that Naegi left so suddenly but he was torn between impressed he stayed as long as he did, _What with how horribly boring you are_. As well as desperately wanting him to leave and leave Taka to himself. Asahina had stopped by as well, Sakura following her. It was nice to see how much Sakura cared for the smaller girl. She walked with her, a small smile on her face whenever they spoke. Asahina had brought him some doughnuts, saying that she wanted him to feel better, that it wasn’t the same without him.

_It's funny how much they all lie to you. Pretending they care. What a joke._

**_Yeah, and lying for such a stupid reason too._ **

_Finally, realized that I’m right?_

Getting up he grabbed the home-baked doughnuts. Taking his scissors he cut a small piece and bit into it. It was good. Throwing the rest away he took another bite and wiped his hands on the napkin. Sakura had also given him a small bouquet of flowers. Explaining that he should have some color in his room. It was nice, but he honestly couldn’t care less. If he was lucky then he wouldn’t be there to care for them much longer.

He still got a glass and filled it with water and put them in. It was just a couple of simple flowers but it was pretty. Putting it on his window he moved it around, he never really had an eyes for style but the soft petals were nice. So delicate but strong. A knock at his door scared him. He had been a lot jumpier lately.

Going over to the door he straightened his uniform out. He had an image to maintain. _Such a stupid one, is it even worth it?_ He opened the door only to be met by Oowada.

“Oh! Oowada-Kun, what are you doing here?”

“Whaddaya think ‘m doin’ here?”

“I cannot think of any reason for you to be here, that is why I asked.”

“Jesus- Fuck-”

“Language!”

“Yea, yea, I, uh, I came to say ‘m sorry”

Tilting his head to the side Taka looked at him confused. “Why would you apologize? If Fujisaki-Kun asked you to do this, I promise it’s really not necessary. I can hardly remember the fight, I should be the one apologizing. I noticed you bleeding from the nose!”

Tilting his head to the side Taka looked at him confused. “Why would you apologize? If Fujisaki-Kun asked you to do this, I promise it’s really not necessary. I can hardly remember the fight, I should be the one apologizing. I noticed you bleeding from the nose!”

“What? No ‘m fine, you were the one who collapsed and went all weird. Callin’ yerself “Ishida or whatever shit you said! An’ I felt real bad abou’ ya hittin’ yer head an’ all.”

“I- I said what?”

“Ya kept goin’ on abou’ bein’ “Ishida” an’ how ya weren’... Well… you.”

“Ah, I, uh, I apologize for that. Not quite sure what came over me!” On the outside, Taka did his best to be composed. On the inside however he was panicking, He was going to have to talk a little with the voice. 

“Anyway, I fel’ real bad an’ wanted to come over and say sorry. It wasn’ really manly of me ta do tha’ to ya.”

“It is fine Oowada, I shouldn’t have engaged anyway.”

“Th-thanks, for bein’ cool about this shi- er, stuff.”

“Of course, as a public morals committee member, I should have known better! Although I do appreciate you taking the time to come here I have to get back to work.”

“Oh, o’course! But, uh, would ya maybe mind helpin’ me with readin’ sometime? I need a tutor an’ I can’t afford any o’ the other ones. Makoto mentioned that you might help…”

It was true that he did volunteer to tutor, and he didn’t have anything else to do with his time. 

“Sure, I am always willing to help with an academic pursuit!”

“Great! Tomorrow?”

“Yes! 4 sharp, don’t be late!”

“Yea, ok! See ya then!”

* * *

( Alright, another POV switch, I’m gonna be brave and do mondo POV be ready.)

As soon as the door shut I went into my room and called the group chat. I was pretty proud of myself. I wasn’t being, as chi would say, “and emotionally stunted man-child”. I had faced him and apologized. And I came up with a reason for us to hang out! The little hall monitor or whatever had always been weird to me. Chi had said he was nice, but he was always yelling at me. 

Maybe if we got to know each other a little we could be friends. I hope so. I need to win the bet. Me and Leon had made a deal with whoever could be friends with him first, won. There was a decent amount of money on this and I wasn’t a loser.

The group chat I called had me, Leon, Chi, Hagakure, and Sayaka in it. It was our small group of friends. When Leon and Chi picked up I told them everything that happened. Bragging to Leon that I was going to win. He started laughing and telling me he would win but Chihiro just looked nervous. 

“I-I don’t know Mondo, Doesn’t that seem really mean? He is tutoring you for free.”

“Eh, a prick like ‘im is probably as rich as that Togami asshole. It won’ kill ‘im”

“Yeah,” Leon said, agreeing “and he’s such a bitch to deal with.”

“I know right! The other day he gave me detention because I tracked a little mud into the school, like how am I supposed to stop doing that?”

“I-I don’t know, He’s pretty nice…”

“Chi, trust me. It doesn’ matter. If he’s too much of an idiot to realize that no one wants to be ‘is friend then tha’s on him.”

“Yeah! Mondo’s just doing what we’ve all been thinking! He's so annoying, maybe this will get him to lay off!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... That was not how I planned it. I planned for them to bond and be friends but uh have some angst. 
> 
> Honestly didn't think I was gonna post this. I was unmotivated all day but I write these pretty quick so I guess it all works out. I feel bad... Even if I post every day the chapters are really short compared to other people but I guess that just me. How you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Thanks to Aster_Nightengale for the tip on writing mondo. It was really helpful, actually!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> laying down he grabbed the blanket and pulled it over him. Turning on his side he bunched it up, hugging it to his chest. 
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

Taka was completely tired today. First all the previous interaction and now while he had been going down to get a small snack for dinner he had fallen on the steps. It hurt to move and he was just done. He didn’t have any motivation, He really should be doing work but he just wanted to sleep. 

Laying down he grabbed the blanket and pulled it over him. Turning on his side he bunched it up, hugging it to his chest. 

\-----------

The next morning he woke up and, after showering and getting dressed, went to the library. He may have all day to study but it didn’t excuse his laziness last night! Sitting down he opened his history book and started reading. He could always sense when the voice was close, whether about to speak or just reminding him of its presence. Whenever war came up in his books it seemed closer. It nagged at him, he and the voice were the same people. It said so it’s self. They had barely anything in common, however. Taka hated reading about war. He had a tendency to imagine himself in the scenario that he read. Whether it was him doing the experiment he read about or him at the historical moments.

So, when he read war he imagined himself fighting. It kept him up at night. The idea of faceless people that his mind tells him are friends falling down beside him. The thought of beaten, blood-soaked, and bruised people consoling each other as they worry about their lives and their families. Just hoping that what they’re doing is enough.

The voice however always seemed to perk up when he read about it. Telling him how weak he is. Telling him how horrible it would be. It knew that it tore him up. He had left the class close to tears on multiple occasions because of the horrifyingly detailed thoughts. His peers found it hilarious. He never told them why he was crying. He didn’t tell anyone. The nightmares still followed him and he was still scared of them.  _ Scared of a lil’ blood? You’re so weak that the thought of war makes you sick? _

He was. He was that weak. It was another thing he hated about himself. The teachers never knew, but those were the days when he would ask to use the restroom. That's when he would skip, saying he had to patrol during that hour.  _ Such a dirty liar. _

He studied for hours. Going through his books, hoping the droning words could distract him from the pain in his tailbone and the voices' painful words. He was so distracted he didn’t even realize it was time for his tutoring session until Oowada was standing right next to him. He was so tall. It was always shocking just how tall the biker was. He was pretty tall, but in comparison, he was a couple inches too short.

“So ‘re we gonna study or nah?”

“Ah, yes, sorry. I guess I just lost track of time!”

_ That's embarrassing, he probably thinks that you’re even more of a mess than usual. The only thing you had to do, you forgot! _

“Okay, well, uh- Is there anything, in particular, you need help with?” Taka asked, hoping he didn’t sound off.  _ Oh my god. He literally asked for help in reading, you dumbfuck! _

The biker looked up, he seemed a little… Embarrassed? 

“Uh… yea, I needed some help in readin’ and shit”

“Language, What part of it do you not understand?”

“Kinda… most of it. I- uh don’ really get poetry though.”

“Ah! A great place to start. Give me a second to retrieve the book!”

As he stood up the voice came back,  _ Wow, are you trying to sound like the prestigious asshole you are?  _ He found the book a couple of shelves over and went back to the round table in the back. They studied for almost an hour when Oowada said he had to leave. 

“Of course. Do you need another meeting tomorrow?” He tried to sit properly, honestly, he hoped Oowada didn’t. He had been looking at Taka for a good amount of the session. He hated being watched. He knew that the kids all ripped his pictures out of yearbooks. He had always been taken out for class photos. He heard from others that some parents had complained. The kids might have been unpleasant, but his neighbors were nasty. They would stare and stare. They would curse at them in stores and call them horrible things. His mother, who wasn’t even related to Toranosuke, had it worse. His father was an officer and had a little respect for that. His mother had a job but was never respected. Not by neighbors, not by coworkers or bosses. The only ones who did were her close family. Even her cousins had apparently been mad at her.

“Yeah, if you don’ mind. I’d also like to get to know ya better.” He walked off with a wink.

Taka was reeling. He was scared. His mind was screaming “DANGER” at him. How- How had they found out he was gay? He hadn’t told anyone! M-maybe he meant friends? Not that that was much better. He was full-on panicking. He couldn’t breathe and felt like he was drowning. Immediately his hand went to his bandaged arm and squeezed. The pain was enough to ground him as he struggled to breathe. He closed his eyes and counted until he hit 20, before starting again. 

When he did open his eyes, he packed up his books and walked out of the library _.  _ **_Today has been even more tiring than yesterday._ **

_ This is why no one likes you. You can’t deal with people at all! _

_ Maybe if you weren’t such a freak… _

_ Maybe if you didn’t assume people liked you… _

_ Maybe if you were better with secrets… _

_ Maybe you wouldn’t be alone... _

As he settled into bed for the night he couldn't help but worry about what Oowada had said. What did he mean? Why was he so mean? Was it a dare? Was it real? Should he- Could he trust him again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to mention this yesterday but Ishida will never use Taka being gay as an insult. They have the same preferences and so it would be hypocritical of him. No one at HPA is homophobic but Taka's last school was different.
> 
> I wasn't super motivated, but I'm kinda happy with how this turned out! Let me know in the comments what you think!~
> 
> 70 Kudos??? Thank you so much!! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Taka woke up he had the beginning of a headache already forming. As he got dressed and pulled on his boots his head was hurting and pounding.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

Walking away from the library Monod couldn’t help the smirk that came to his face. He was totally going to win this bet. Leon hadn’t even approached the damn boy. Honestly, neither of them had thought the bet would go anywhere. How do you approach someone like that? Even when they were studying he was sitting as straight as a board. He spoke like he was some teacher. Overall it had been annoying. He just sat and listened to him drone on.

He had hoped that it might have helped him learn something but it didn’t. in the elevator going up to his room he opened up his phone. Chi had gotten a new multiplayer game and wanted them to come over to play. After sending a quick reply he changed floors and headed over. 

When he left the thought of Ishimaru sitting alone in the library had left his mind.

\----------------

When Taka woke up he had the beginning of a headache already forming. As he got dressed and pulled on his boots his head was hurting and pounding. The dorms were soundproofed for any musically inclined talents but the lights were bright and glaring. He hated his room. It was funny, he never realized that until now.  _ Not only are you rude and a liar but you’re ungrateful?  _ He was, wasn’t he? He hadn’t thought about it but he was very ungrateful. Everyone said to be thankful for what you have, but he wanted more. 

Was that bad? Was he wrong for wanting clothes other than his uniforms? Was he selfish for not wanting to be hated? Was it mean to want his peers to respect him? He wasn’t religious but he had heard that everything happens for a reason. That no bad deed goes unpunished. What had he done? What had he done that was so horrible? He tried! He had been trying his entire life to be good!

He wasn’t like Asahina, she was sweet and bubbly. He wasn’t like Naegi, who was charming and kind. He wasn’t like Fujisaki, happy and nice. He wasn’t like any of his classmates. It felt like the air in his lungs was being taken out. Slowly, a feeling of sadness and a familiar warmth behind his eyes.

He wasn’t a stand out character. He was a background character that no one liked. Did they even need him? Who did? His father, who pushed him into his studies until that was his only personality trait?

This was why they hated him. It all seemed so clear now! He was designed from the start to be hated. That's all there seemed to be to him. He didn’t need to be prime minister, he just needed to get by. He was meant to be someone nobody notices.

Maybe That's why he had this voice. As compensation for any sliver of personality or likable traits, he got this. 

As he stood up and started off to the library he felt empty. More so than ever before. As though he had reached the end and all he was doing was going in circles. Everyone else seemed so happy. Even when they did get sad they had friends to cheer them up.  **_Fuck them._ ** He walked past Oowada and his friends and felt sick. It had to have been a joke. He was happy and had good friends. They didn’t need someone like him weighing them down, ruining their fun.

He walked into the kitchen where Kirigiri was making herself some coffee. She nodded at him and he waved. He grabbed a handful of grapes and left. He could feel her watching him. It made his skin prickle as he went to sit down. 

Hagakure sat next to him. Smiling, he started talking to Taka about some cat his friend sent him a picture of. Some small black and white kitten named Curoe. It was nice hearing the brown-haired boy talk. He just rambled and let Taka listen. He could be distracted without having to do anything. It was enjoyable to listen to Hiro until his voice faded and his words were replaced by someone else's.

_ Pity. Weak. Dumb. Boring. Shut up. Worthless. Devil Spawn. Disgrace. Piece of shit. Ungrateful.  _

The voices were all different, but they were clearly the same. It was as if someone was doing an impression of each. The mantra of insults played on a loop as he tried to fall back into the conversation with Hiro. When he managed to get back the other was talking about aliens or something like that and Taka’s head felt full of fog. He smiled and waited for the other to finish before he said goodbye and walked into the library.

The voice had stopped but now it was something else on his mind. “Know ya better” Him. Oowada had wanted to know him better. His brain hissed at him to not trust it.  **_Unsafe. No. He can’t know. Secrets are secret. Don’t trust!_ ** He was so tired of people lying to him. Hated when they did. They claimed to be “protecting” him but in the end, it always just hurt more. People who did were the cruelest of them all.

When Oowada came to the table in the back he pulled out the textbooks and after another 45 minutes of studying Oowada asked if he wanted to go get a snack with him. He said yes, but stayed stiff. He felt like prey. Like he was being hunted. He didn’t eat anything ( _ Not like you need it you fat pig. _ ), instead, he watched with distrustful eyes. Oowada didn’t seem to notice as he made himself a sandwich. He asked a couple questions to Taka and got the shortest answers he could. 

“Well, I gotta get goin’, see ya, tomorrow bro.”

“I am not your ‘bro’.” He had stiffened at the word. Such a little inconsequential word. It means friend, but so much more than that. 

“Whaddaya mean?”

“We are not friends, Oowada.”

“Geez hardass, ya ever think this is why no one likes you?”

“That is for a reason Oowada!”

“no one has a reason for bein’ a prick! Especially ta people tryin’ ta be nice!”

“Oowada, Please, I do not want to talk about this further. If you would like to meet tomorrow I shall be in the library.” Taking in a deep breath he stood up and started off towards the door.

He didn’t see the anger on Oowada’s face and Mondo didn’t see the tears in Taka’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for future reference, Mondo does have anger issues and gets upset at small things and will lash out. He might punch a wall or threaten someone but he won't hurt anyone. As you know I'm really bad at writing action scenes so we won't have a lot of those.
> 
> I promise that soon we will get some taka & mondo friendship then go to lovers... This is gonna be a slow burn though so... Sorry.
> 
> I plan this out briefly the day before and I thought I was going to write a little bit of fluff and them being friends but uh nope! If you liked this or think of a way I can improve let me know! I love reading your comments! They make me so happy and really help motivate me!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Taka walked back to the library he wiped away the tears. Gosh, darn it. He kept trying to push it down. It never worked, he just couldn’t be emotionless. 
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

As Taka walked back to the library he wiped away the tears. Gosh, darn it. He kept trying to push it down. It never worked, he just couldn’t be emotionless. Maybe if he could stop the crying… It would be a start. He had heard that looking up stopped the tears. Drying them out or something of the sort. Looking up he held his breath, an attempt to stay quiet. He managed to the stair before he took a breath in and started again. He made it to his room and took in a deep breath. Closing the door behind him he found it hard to breathe. Sitting on his bed he sat against the headboard as he tried to calm himself down. His breaths were quicker and deeper and he couldn’t keep up. He was already feeling a bit light-headed. 

He was distracted by a soft ringing coming from his phone. His father, most likely. Picking it up he answered. 

“Kiyotaka! I heard from the principal that you haven’t been going to school?”

“F-father? I t-told you last week I’d b-been injured.” **_Did he really not listen to him? Did he not care?_ ** _ Of course not. He shouldn't have to worry! _

“You did? Sorry, I was very busy and-”

“It’s fine. I’ve been using my time to study.” His breathing was still uneven but he could breathe now. The emptiness had come back, though. The thought of his  _ Father  _ forgetting he was injured was saddening.

“Don’t cut me off. If that's all then good night.”

A click and the screen darkened. Closing he put it back on the end of his bed.  _ Couldn’t have even asked about your week, huh?  _ **_Maybe that’s all I deserve._ **

As he changed and got ready for bed he couldn’t help but think of Oowada. He really was amazing. Strong, likable, handso-  **_NOPE._ ** Sexuality had been something he found early on, then promptly never touched it again. Someone found out at his old school and the entire class hated him even more. One even going so far as to carve an insult into his back. He only got 3 letters in before a teacher took him away. No charges were pressed, nothing happened to him. The only indicator was the faint scars that covered his back. 

He was always very careful about who saw him. If he went swimming then he kept his back submerged for as long as possible. Changed in a stall, and put concealer over it if he needed to. It was a lot of extra work but if anyone here found out… 

It might have been foolish but he had no one that would stand up for him. Let alone someone who would like him even if they found out. It was annoying. He hadn’t shown his father and no one knew. It often felt like someone had dumped metal there. It felt like a weight. 

The idea that Oowada had somehow found out scared him more than any threats the biker made. It scared him to the core. That wasn’t something he was ready to be told to the world! If it was shared then it might become public in his campaign. It wasn’t exactly a very welcomed trait in a leader.

Oh god, what if they beat him? He had worked so hard at his old school to not let anyone know how weak he was but here… They were basically in the paper every day! If anyone said anything… He would be ruined! His father would be ruined as well for raising a disappointment. No one would want to take him on then! As he ran his hands over his face he could distantly hear his breath speeding up. 

Water. He needed some water. Walking out of his room he walked straight down and into the kitchen. Asahina and Sakura were talking to Sayaka in front of the fridge and they noticed him as soon as he walked in. 

He realized too late that he must look like a mess. His hair messed up, tear tracks on his face. He had changed out of his uniform and was wearing a hoodie and some shorts.  _ Some class rep he was.  _

He moved to get a glass of water but his hands here shaking a lot.  **_Goddamnit can’t do anything._ ** He really hated the looks the girls gave him. He finished pouring his water and left saying a soft goodnight to them. He heard them replying but didn’t really register it. He wanted nothing more than to go to bed when he ran into Naegi.

“Ah- Sorry, wait… Ishi?”

“Ah! Hi Naegi.” He hated the way his voice shook. He sounded scared,  _ weak. _

“Are you ok? Have you been crying?”

“I-...” He wanted to deny it. He wanted to stand up straight and say he was fine. He really did but maybe…

If he let Naegi in…

_ He’d mock you. Don’t show weakness! Can’t show weakness! No more hurt! Protect!  _

_ “ _ I’m fine. I fell asleep early” He managed a smile and the voice seemed to calm down. The shorter boy didn’t seem to really believe it but decided against pressing it.

“If you say so… I’m always here if you need to talk!” 

“Thank you Naegi-Kun”

He wanted to. He ached for human contact that wasn’t violent. He wanted nothing more than someone to reach out to. Someone he could hold unto. He knew he wouldn’t his pride and the voice in his head would stop him. But still… He wished he could.

As the moral compass walked back to his room he didn’t realize that just on the other side of the door he stopped in front of, the biker was wishing for the same thing. They both Wanted someone who was a friend but that would accept every aspect of them. Every mistake, every flaw. Someone who would take care of them and would hold them until they felt safe.

Somebody who wouldn't leave, someone to keep.

Maybe...

Maybe someday...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does this count as beginning a relationship? no? Well... I tried...
> 
> I forgot to write today's chapter and wrote this in a hurry so... I hope you like it! 
> 
> 10k word is the most I've ever written, It might not be much compared to others but I'm pretty proud of it. I'm so happy that you guys like it! The comments are all super sweet and helped motivate me to write today's chapter even though I was feeling a little down. Thank you!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was late, way past curfew, but Mondo needed to get out of his room. The nightmares too fresh in his mind to care.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

(Mondo doesn’t have a voice so  _ italics  _ are flashbacks/ dreams whereas  **_bold italics_ ** are his thoughts. You could probably tell but just in case!)

It was late, way past curfew, but Mondo needed to get out of his room. The nightmares too fresh in his mind to care. _ He could feel the rush of wind on his face. The feeling as his motorcycle tipped and the sickening sound as the truck crashed into the only family he had left. The Sirens rang in his ears but still sounded distant. The medics and the flashing lights.  _

The cool tile felt nice as he walked quietly down the stairs. Glancing at a clock as he walked he saw that it was, 2:13?  **_Damn… Earlier than I thought._ **

When he walked into the kitchen, however, he wasn’t alone. The hall monitor was standing next to the kettle. He turned at the sound of footsteps but turned back around when he saw who it was. 

Deciding that a distraction might help the biker went over to where Ishimaru was standing. Leaning against the counter he saw the bags under the other's eyes.

“what ‘re ya doin’ up so late?”

Glancing over, the red-eyed boy gave him a once over before responding. “Making tea, would you like some?”

“Eh, sure” Usually he would have said no, but it wasn’t exactly usual to be in the kitchen at 2:15 with the person you hate.

The quiet came back after he answered. Neither knowing what to do or what they should do.

“Ya givin’ yerself detention for bein’ up past curfew?” Mondo joked, Although knowing him, the nerd probably did.

“No, and unless you want one too I suggest you don't mention it.” Ishimaru replied, a ghost of a smile falling over his face.

The silence felt a bit more comfortable as the tea was poured into mugs. 

“Honey?”

“Uh… yeah”

He watched as thin, pale hands stirred the drinks and handed him the dark blue mug.

He nodded in thanks as he took the mug. He brought it closer to his mouth. 

“Huh, the fuck kinda tea is this? Smells weird.”

The other had already taken a sip and slowly opened their eyes with a smile. “Chamomile, it helps with sleeping.”

“Oh…”

Taking a small sip he was surprised by the sweetness. Sighing as he looked over at the hall monitor, he looked like a mess. His hair messed up and bags under his eyes. He hadn’t noticed before but he wasn’t wearing his uniform either. It was weird to see him in anything else like he was seeing something he shouldn’t have.

“You- uh, ya not wearing ya uniform, is kinda weird.”

The other looked over at him before breaking into giggles. The kind that comes when you stay up too late. 

“Well of course! Did-” he put down the mug to cover his mouth to stop the laughter. It was weird, he didn’t have a nice laugh. It was weird and seemed like he never laughed. It was more of a wheeze than a laugh but all the same, Mondo found himself wanting to hear more of it.

“Did you think I slept in my uniform?”

“Well… I dunno, didn’ really think about it. Jus’ seemed like somethin’ ya might do.”

SHaking his head the smaller boy picked up his mug and finished it with a soft sigh. Putting it in the sink he waved as he walked into the hallway. Mondo found himself smiling as he waved back. What was wrong with him? **_Must just’ be tired or sum._ **

\------

Walking up the stairs Taka felt weirdly happy. Usually, when he stayed up or, like tonight, woke up from a nightmare he felt awful. It had been nice to have company in the kitchen. He hadn't thought of Mondo to be someone he would choose, but now…

Well, now he didn’t know what to think.  **_Maybe I had been wrong to judge him so quickly. I will have to work on that._ ** _ Add it to the list. _ **_I probably shouldn’t mention tonight, but if they see each other again…_ **

**_Maybe I could try and make friends with him…_ **

**_Maybe I could finally have someone to lean on…_ **

_ You think he’d want you? _

Well... It didn’t really matter, the chance of him meeting the other a second time? That would be absurd.

**_But if it does… That… That would be nice. Really nice._ **

He smiled softly to himself as he opened his door. It had been a while since he felt comfortable going to sleep. Random pains and the need to hug something getting in the way. Still warm from the tea he settled under the covers and lied down. The giddy feeling from earlier came back. 

It had been nice to hear someone talk to him so softly, neither wanting to wake anyone else up. It had been nice to see such a vulnerable part of one of his peers. Other classmates would never let him close enough to see them so raw. Oowada was clearly upset about something. It wasn’t really a feeling of trust, but more so of understanding. They both were up because of something. 

It was nice… To have someone you could be open in front of, even if they probably didn’t think much of it. 

He might have been thinking too deeply about this but... It felt right. Like something had clicked between them. Like the first piece of the puzzle of friendship.  **_That was a stupid metaphor._ **

Taka would have to keep more of an open mind from here on out.  _ No! DOn’t trust! No more hurt! Trick! Joke! _

That voice always came up, panicked and anxious. It was almost an instinct to listen to it. It was right after all… It would probably hurt him. There was always backlash, but if it was just late-night meetups… He might be safe…

Maybe he could just be a little closer…

Maybe he could be friends without being hurt…

Maybe he could allow himself to trust someone…

Maybe he could open up a little…

Maybe he wouldn’t regret it…

Just maybe he could be happy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, got some bonding! We're starting with friendship! I guess this kinda is angst because of the bet but... There's a little soft fluff for you.
> 
> 94 kudos? Thank you sm? You guys are seriously so sweet with your comments! Let me know if you have any ideas about how this should go or what a better title might be!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As he walked through he grabbed a bottle of water before turning to see Mondo walking over to Kuwata and Fujisaki who were at another table. They made eye contact for a second before Mondo turned away and ignored him.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

As Taka walked down to the kitchen after his morning workout he overheard Sayaka talking to Asahina.

“So when are we going?”

“Hm? I don’t think we’ve decided yet, but it should be in the class group chat.”

_ Of course, they left you out of that. You probably would have just ruined their fun.  _ **_Yeah, but they would have still added me…_ ** _ Not that you could have joined anyway with your cheap-ass phone.  _ **_Yeah…_ **

As he walked through he grabbed a bottle of water before turning to see Mondo walking over to Kuwata and Fujisaki who were at another table. They made eye contact for a second before Mondo turned away and ignored him.  **_Guess that’s a no on the chance of us being friends._ **

_ Of course not! It’s Mondo Oowada! Why would he want to be anywhere near trash like you? _

Closing the fridge he walked out. The thud of his boots echoed loudly in the halls. Most people weren’t up yet. He always hated his boots. His father had wanted him to go to a military school and tried to find military boots. These were the closest he could find. Taka had never wanted to go, the thought of war made him sick, imagine him actually fighting! He was always such a disappointment, wasn’t he? His father would have been better off with Oowada as his son. 

Thinking about it, there wasn’t a lot he liked about his appearance.  _ Or that anyone else likes.  _ He hated his eyes, and face. He hated his hair, his father thought that the shorter the better. His uniform was stiff and uncomfortable. He always said he chose to wear it but if he could buy some real clothes, he would. The boots took so long to put on and in the summer they felt more like ovens. 

To his classmates, looks were something they could change. They could dress and act how they wanted. He had even heard Hag- Hiro saying that it was his way of showing his true self. At the time he had thought it was strange. He had always thought his looks were a prison, even more so than his talent. He had been raised to dress like a robot. Minimal clothing and never changing it. He hated the stark white of it. He hated how colorless and soldier-like it was.

He wished he could wear something more comfortable, he really did. Unfortunately, the others would notice. Even if he could get new clothes, they would notice and hate him for it. Oowada had said so last night, That it was weird to see him not in uniform.

_ Such a greedy thing to want. Geez, you could be happy with what you have, you brat. _

It was the Sunday before he could go back to class and he wasn’t looking forward to it. Why? He should be! Being smart was his only trait! The only thing he could do! 

He knew no one would be happy to see him. He knew that Leon and Oowada would be mad when he gave them detentions. He knew his attempts to get them on the right track would go unnoticed. He knew he would still be a “Pushy, loud, annoying hardass who wouldn’t know fun if it shoved itself down his throat.” It annoyed him, he was just doing his job! He was only there to help  _ them. _ He wasn’t here for himself, he was there to help  _ them  _ on  _ their  _ path. 

He knew that it would never be appreciated. They were all busy joking around. They knew they were set for life and got lazy because of it. They didn’t bother with their work and they ignored his attempts to help them.

The only people who ever asked for his tutoring were rich people’s kids who didn’t know who he was or people who were failing. 

He didn’t want them to be like his grandfather. He didn’t want his peers to think they could do whatever they wanted just because they had talent! Of course, he couldn’t say that. They would hate him even more if they found that out. 

There were some people he knew would do great. Sakura wasn’t one to let her victories go to her head. Asahina as well, she was kind and offered him swimming help. Not that he’d ever agreed, lest she sees the ugly scars all across his body.

Fujisaki, Sayaka, and Togami would be fine as well. Even Fukawa and Yamada both had multiple books out and would be fine with their talents. It was people like Oowada and Naegi he worried most about. Their talents wouldn’t get them far. 

Of course, they would be fine. They already had fans. Hope's Peak Academy had a large following of its students. He refused to be in pictures, so he didn’t have any. People like Mondo and Leon had large fan bases and were well known enough that they wouldn’t completely fail. They were well-liked and people often would ask for pictures and such.

In the end, they would all probably live successful, fulfilling careers, and him? He’d be in an office, forgotten and irreverent.

\------

The nightmares this time were even worse than before.  _ He had been in a room with only a computer. He sat down and found himself chained to it. Some man was being welcomed as prime minister and his father appeared behind the computer. He glared at him as his classmates appeared and did the same thing. They all moved closer and the computer was gone, replaced by his old classmates as they yelled at him. He was being pushed by his peers as they pushed him around. He fell back and found nothing behind him.  _

He sat up in a cold sweat and shakily got out of bed. He needed some water, his throat felt raw and dry. He noticed the light on and found Oowada looking through the cabinets above the kettle.

“What are you looking for?”

The taller boy jumped and turned around like he had been caught. Seeing who it was he relaxed and moved to stand awkwardly to the side.

“I was lookin’ for that camo shit ya made yesterday. I- uh, It was really good.”

“Oh! That's in the back,” He said as he moved to grab a bag. “You should let it steep a little longer than other teas.”

“O-oh, thanks.”

Nodding he moved to get a glass and fill it with water.

“You, uh, You ok? Ya kinda shakin’” Looking down he saw he was, in fact, shaking. He set down the glass and leaned against the counter.

“I’m fine, just a little shaken up.”

Nodding the biker replied. “Yeah, bad dream?”

“Mm”

The kettle whistled, making them both jump. Taka watched as Oowada poured the tea and let the bag steep. He did so very clumsily. Picking up the glass he realized how weak he really felt. He would probably take the elevator up. His legs still shook violently and he felt ready to collapse. Taking a sip he sank to the floor.

“Wah? Y- Ya ok?”

“Yes, just- Just needed to sit down or a moment.”

He closed his eyes and let his head hit the cabinets behind him. He wasn’t expecting Oowada to sit across from him with his tea and do the same.

They sat in companionable silence until they had both finished their drinks. They walked to the elevators and rode together. Waving when Taka reached his floor he felt a pull at his heart knowing they wouldn’t be friends…

At least he knew he wouldn't spend his nights alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 Kudos??? For a stupid rant, I turned into a fic? You're all so sweet! Thank you! I tried to make the chapter a little longer than usual so I hope it turned out well!
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! Let me know if you did! Comments help keep me going!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was in history, watching his teacher read from their textbooks when he got the call. He felt his phone buzzing and ignored it.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

The weekend passed with no major events. He studied, worked out a little, and met up with mondo in the kitchen on Sunday. Mondo had smiled when Taka came down and something about it made his heart flutter. The taller boy could be surprisingly cute for someone so tough. They had talked a little about small things and when they went back to their rooms the terror had long subsided. 

He was in history, watching his teacher read from their textbooks when he got the call. He felt his phone buzzing and ignored it. It kept buzzing silently in his pocket for a while. He didn’t answer, he had missed enough school. He thought nothing of it until one of the ladies who worked in the office came by the classroom and asked for him. 

He could feel the 15 eyes moving to look at him.  **_What have I done wrong? Why am I being taken to the office?_ ** _ Probably telling you to get out of their school. _

As he walked down the hall, following the woman he couldn’t help but crack his knuckles. A bad habit that he did when he was anxious or uncomfortable. He had already done it but he kept doing the motion as a way to stay calm. 

Finally, they stopped a couple doors down. She turned to him, he could see the pity on her face.  **_Am I really being kicked out?_ **

“Ishimaru, It’s about your father. He was injured in a hostage situation and is at the hospital. You’ve been allowed the rest of the day off to visit him, as you are his only family.”

He could feel his heart in his throat as tears threatened to fall. **_The only person I have. The one thing I have might be taken away from me._** He nodded and took the paper she was holding out for him to take. Looking at it he saw the address or a hospital not too far from Hope’s Peak. Thanking her he turned around and started towards the doors. 

  
  


As soon as he turned the corner he wiped his eyes and started running towards the doors.  **_What do I do if he dies? What do I do?_ **

All he could do was run to the hospital and hope his father was fine. It was cold out but not enough to bother him. His face was warm from the tears. It was early enough that not a lot of people were on the sidewalks so he ran as far as he could. He made it halfway until he had to slow down. His stomach was cramping painfully. He stopped for a sec to catch his breath. His throat was raw and he felt ready to collapse but he kept walking. 

  
  


~

He walked into the hospital and asked the woman behind for the room number. Getting it he walked to the elevator and pressed the number. His heart was racing and images of his father flashed through his mind as he stepped out. 

He found the room and walked in. His father was in the bed, eyes closed, and an IV in his arm. There were bandages on his right arm and he could see the outline of more around his middle. Taking in a deep breath he walked to the other side of the bed and sat next to him.

\--------

(Mondo POV now, first-person as usual)

I noticed that hard- Ishimaru wasn’t in the cafeteria when I walked in.  **_Weird, wonder where he went._ **

Finding Leon and Chi I put my tray down on the table and sat next to Chi. 

“Do ya know where hardass went?”

“Nah, Why do you care? I’m glad he’s gone.”

“Leon! He’s really nice! You shouldn’t say stuff like that. I heard something happened in his family.” Chi said, glaring. He always got mad when they started talking about Ishimaru.

“Where’d ya hear that?”

“Someone in the year above said they saw him leave.”

“Damn, but seriously Mondo, why do you care? I thought you were on my side!”

“I don’. I just thought it was a lil’ weird.”

“If you say so… Oh! Sayaka, Come sit with us!”

As the conversation changed I thought more about him. How small he looked at night when he would walk down on shaky legs. How he looked when his face was relaxed. When he was calm he looked kinda cute. Well not cute in a gay way, cause I’m not gay. 

I mean imagine! The hardass of Hopes peak and me? Never. Nope.

I was pulled back into the conversation by Hiro sitting down across from me. 

That would be something to think about later.

\------

(Back to our lovely baby Taka’s POV)

The doctor had left a few minutes ago, leaving him and his father alone. Takaaki had kept sleeping the whole time. He had been shot twice in the stomach and nearly on his arm. They would be able to deal with the damage but he would have to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. 

**_How will we be able to pay for this? Maybe I can start looking for jobs. He won’t be able to work for a bit._ ** _ That’s Karma.  _

Looking around he wondered if anyone would even notice he wasn’t there. Would they care if they did? Maybe he could talk to Naegi about it… He always seemed to know what to do.  _ Gonna burden him with your issues? No one wants to deal with your stupid whining! _

It was almost time for school to be over and he needed to go back. He would visit in the mourning and after school. Right now all he wanted was for someone to hug him and tell him it was ok.  _ But you don’t get what you don’t deserve. _

Looking back at his father one last time he sighed and closed the door. The walk back was even colder than before. The wind had picked up and it stung his face. 

~

When he made it back everyone was busy doing other things so he went to the kitchen. They had a nice little table where he sat and started on his homework. No one noticed or bothered him and before the curfew. He packed up his stuff and changed, he knew he wouldn’t get much sleep.

~

When he woke up he wasn't scared like most night, he was just sad. The tile was cold as usual when he started walking down. Oowada was already in the kitchen, he looked tired but happy as he drank his tea. He gestured to where a second mug was sitting. He grabbed it and as his hands warmed up he felt more tears start to flow.  _ Goddamn, now he won’t want to talk to you again! He’ll think you’re a loser! _

Instead of looking disgusted or angry he just looked worried.

“Wh- Wha’s wrong?” He moved a little closer, moving to try and see Taka’s face.

“Nothing i-important. I-I’m just w-worried ab-bout something.”He sniffled. God, he was so weak.

“What abou’? Ya at the top o’ th’ class!”

“I-I don’t want to be left a-alone.”

“Why would ya be left alone?”

He explained what happened to the other boy. They talked and talked, not the meaningless small talk from before. They talked about family and what they wanted to do. When the tea was gone they put the cups in the sink and walked up the stairs. 

Before they left for their separate rooms Oowada the taller reached out and wrapped him in a hug. The warmth only lasted a second before he pulled away and went into his room. Leaving taka confused and warm in the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this chapter, I feel like the story is getting boring and kind of stale so I'm going to try and get the plot going. Thank you sm to anyone who is still reading this far and has left comments! I feel like some chapters are good and some aren't I'm so happy you stayed through all of them! Thnk you!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You're that hall monitor, right?” She cut him off, she was out of breath and red in the face. “Two boys are fighting in the cafeteria!”
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

Taka was walking down the hall, he still had a faint pink stain on the edge of his sleeve. His father had been fine through surgery but was having a hard time staying awake for long periods. They would put him in physical therapy once he could. So far nothing big had happened and he was bored. _ Maybe if you were worth friends it wouldn’t be so bad. _

As he neared the corner a girl who looked around his age came running up to him.

“Running is not welcome in-”

“You're that hall monitor, right?” She cut him off, she was out of breath and red in the face. “Two boys are fighting in the cafeteria!”

Straightening up he followed after her quickly. (He was not running. He was speed walking.) When they neared the cafeteria he heard the yelling. Ugh, what a headache. Looking inside he saw Oowada and Kuwata yelling at each other. Oowada looked about ready to hit Kuwata, **_Why do I have to deal with this?_**

Walking over to them he tried to be noticed but they either didn’t see him or refused to acknowledge him. How was he supposed to diffuse a situation when he couldn’t even be seen?

He tried to move Kuwata, who was now standing, away. Instead, he got hit in the face by Oowada, who had snapped and tried to hit Kuwata.

He could feel the pain rush to his face and he saw the blood leave Oowada’s. Flinching, he pulled Kuwata back and out of range. 

“Kuwata, go to class. Oowada you too. Both of you will have 3 days of detention for the amount of noise, as well as disturbing others.” 

He walked out of the room and heard whispers following him outside. He was usually in charge of detention, so hearing Oowada and Kuwata yell at him for interfering would be annoying. Maybe he could see if any of the teachers would have time to watch detention… He did have to study to do... _ Jeez, you should take responsibility! It’s the least you could do considering you’re wasting space here! _

If detention would last for 90 minutes then it would take at least 20 minutes to get to the hospital, he could study there for a while. It wouldn’t be perfect but he could study there for a few hours, then come back and study until curfew. He hadn’t eaten except for a few crackers in the morning so he should probably grab a bit of fruit.

Only a couple more classes until the end of the day.  **_Ah, I should probably write up the detention slips, and I need to give these to them._ **

Turning around he saw Kuwata leaving the lunchroom. 

“Kuwata!” The redhead turned around as Taka caught up to him. “Here, It's your slip. I’ll see you in classroom 1B after school. Do you know where Oowada is?”

“Yeah, he went over there with Chihiro.” He said, pointing down the hallway.

Walking down he could hear Oowada talking to Fujisaki.

“Excuse me? Oowada? Here’s your detention slip. Classroom 1B, after school.”

Bowing quickly I walked away,  **_Maybe I can do some homework while I watch over detention._ **

* * *

(ok Mondo time.)

Ok, I love my friends. Leon and Chihiro are my closest friends, and I would die for them. They take 2nd place only to my gang. I would die for them, but if Leon wasn’t such an idiot I wouldn’t want to kill him nearly as often as I do.

All I mentioned was that I was going to win the bet, (even though I don’t care about it as much as him anymore) and he started getting personal. He mentioned my gang and I said something about his failure at getting girls and it went from insults to threats. I guess someone went and got Ishimaru because he was there. I didn’t really see him and then I hit him!

He didn’t do anything! He was just trying to help Leon not get beat and I hit him! What would Daiya think? He never hurt anyone who didn’t have it coming. He hated the guys who would push people around just ‘cause they could. What would he think of me? I- I’d failed at that! I was doing so well, I hadn’t punched anyone in a while. Chi had gone on about my future and how I should be less violent. 

I was really trying! I was trying to be less scary looking and more friendly. Ishimaru didn’t deserve it. He just kept going too! I punched him real hard, I don’t know how he managed to not fall…

I feel Chi pulling me away from the table, people’ll probably be even more scared of me now. I follow him into the little space just around the corner.

“Why’d you hit him?” I look down and he’s looking at me with such pity.  **_I’m strong! I don’t need the goddamn pity! He’s just trying to help._ **

“I- I dunno. I jus’ got mad an’- an’ then Hardass was there an’ I jus’-”

“Breathe, It’s fine.I know you didn’t mean to. You gotta have better control, though.”

“Yeah, I know… It’s jus’ he makes me so mad! An’ he doesn’ know when ta stop!”

He nodded, “Yeah, I know what you mean.I can talk to Leon about that if you want.”

“Thanks Chi-”

“Excuse me? Oowada? Here’s your detention slip. Classroom 1B, after school.”

I turned to see Hardass walking towards me holding a small slip of paper out. I grabbed it and nodded. His cheek was swelling an ugly shade of purple. His eye was half closed, It looked really painful. I could hear Chihiro gasp behind me. I knew he hated seeing injuries, he was too empathetic for his own good sometimes.

As I watched the hall monitor walk down I saw Leon go over to him. They walked down the hall together before Leon said something to Ishimaru and walked off. I saw Ishimaru get all stiff and when he turned the opposite direction he seemed to be walking faster than before.

* * *

(Back to normal POV)

Taka was walking back when he saw Leon walk over to him. He was smiling and put an arm around Taka’s shoulder. He could feel the panic coming over his brain.  **_Attack? Danger? Need safety!_ ** Leon seemed oblivious to the war in the red-eyed boy’s head, as he made small talk. Taka replied with the smallest responses he could.

“Alright, well, see ya during detention dude!”

He stiffened,  **_NO NO NO NO NO NO._ ** He felt like he was going to throw up. His lugs felt tighter and his head felt heavy. He rushed around the corner and towards the library. He had a free period and needed to calm down.  **_Why did everyone hate him?_ **

**_Maybe if he pretended he was normal…_ **

**_Maybe if he didn’t always cry…_ **

**_Maybe if he could have friends without breaking down…_ **

_ But that will never happen. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normal dialogue? Sorry, don't know her. I debated writing the last little part and ended up doing it so I hope it was ok! I don't really know what to think of this chapter but you guys let me know what you think! Apparently you really liked the last chapter bc the comments were so sweet! Thank you!
> 
> I think I'll go for around 30 chapters, at least!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Standing up he walked over to the classroom. He sat down at the teacher's desk, back straight, and put his books in front of him. He opened the book only to hear the door opening.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

Classes had finally ended and Taka was collecting all of his things. Stalling for as long as he could. He hadn’t bothered asking the teachers if they could watch detention, He hadn’t wanted to intrude on their time. As he put it all into his messenger bag, bought cheap at a second-hand shop, he sighed. His cheek hurt like heck and he was tired. His feet hurt from running to the hospital and back and he wanted to crawl into his bed and sleep.  _ Just like the lazy bitch you are. _

Standing up he walked over to the classroom. He sat down at the teacher's desk, back straight, and put his books in front of him. He opened the book only to hear the door opening.

It was Kuwata, leaning in with a piece of paper. 

“Sorry dude, I can’t go to detention. The coach needs me for practice and will end me if I don’t go!”  _ Lies. Must think you’re really stupid to fall for that.  _

“Of course! I understand.”  **_Just skip, why bother lying to my face._ **

Turning back to his book he could feel his fist clench under the table.  _ You want to hurt him? Punch him? I can help, I can- _

The door swung open again, this time it was Oowada walking in. He took a seat in front of where Taka sat.

“Oh, You’re here! I thought you would have skipped with Kuwata.”  _ Calm down, no need to be aggressive! You’re the one who deserves to be told off, not him! _

“Eh, I punched ya in th’ face. Th’ least I can do is show up.”

Nodding Taka looked back down at his book. At least without Kuwata, he wouldn't have to deal with so much noise. He glanced up and noticed Oowada just sitting, looking around awkwardly.

“Oowada? Do you not have any work to get done?”

He sat up at the words before looking down sheepishly. “I-uh, ‘m not good at doin’ work alone.”

“Would you like help?”

“Uh, y-yeah sure.”

Moving his chair to the other side of the teacher's desk Taka could see his eyes clearly. He had thought they were a light grey but they were actually a light lavender.  **_They are very pretty_ ** , he realized.

“What do you want to do first?”

He ended up doing almost all of Oowada's homework with him. Looking over he noticed that they only had fifteen minutes left.

“Do ya wanna talk or somethin’? ’m kinda tired of work.”

“Talk about what?”  **_Don’t trust! Don’t trust!_ **

“I- I don’t know?”

“Why don’t you tell me about your gang?” He tilted his head to the side as he asked. He noticed Oowada’s ears turn red,  **_was he sick? Cold?_ **

“It’s nothin’ to really talk abou’. Why don’ you tell me abou’ yer job?”

“Oh! I- uh, I only work there some days, I had to ask for a week off though.” He looked down. It was weird talking to someone about this. He picked at his nails, he felt like Oowada was going to laugh at him at any moment. 

“Why’d ya take a week off? Was it ‘cause of the head thing?”

“Y-yes, I wasn’t supposed to do much movement, and walking that far would be defying Mikan.”

“Why’d ya not jus’ take th’ bus?”

“That would be a waste of money! Besides, that was last week. No use discussing the past. What were you doing there anyway?” Looking up he saw Oowada staring back at him. 

“I was jus’ ridin’ with th’ gang. It’s been a while since I got ta ride with ‘em and we needed ta stop for a sec’”

The silence that followed was awkward and was only cut off by Ishimaru abruptly standing up. 

“Apologies Oowada but I have to go. You still have 5 minutes left so I suppose you can leave… I assume I’ll see you tonight?”

“I-er, Yeah?”

He walked out quickly, He had to run if he wanted to be able to do his usual studying at the hospital, he had missed studying to help Oowada. 

\-------

(Mondo POV, you know the drill)

**_That was weird… He’d usually be a stickler for shit like that. Eh, I won’t question it._ ** Standing up I grabbed my stuff and walked out. Heading over to the dorms I texted Chi to see if he wanted to hang out. He replied that he was busy with some AI shit. I hated when the other did crap like that. It makes me feel useless and lost. I can’t exactly be a biker for a job, but that’s all I have of my bro! What would he think if he knew I just left them, sure Michi is plenty responsible but… It wouldn’t be the same.

I had tried to start with carpentry but I fucking sucked at it. It looked like shit. I just wish that night had gone differently, I wish he was still here to support me…  **_I DON’T NEED HIM! I’M STRONGER THAN THAT!_ **

Sitting down I looked over at the piece of wood I’d been carving, It was  _ supposed  _ to be one of those hedgehog things but it looked like someone had turned an owl into a rat. Glaring at it I lied down. I grabbed one of the worksheets I had to finish. I tried to concentrate but I kept thinking about Ishimaru. He looked so… scared? When he talked about his job. It was weird I wanted to hug him or something. He seemed nervous when I hugged him last time. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that. Wonder why he had to leave, did I make him mad? He said he’d see me tonight, right? 

Why was he so nice to me? He made me tea and we talked, but he seemed so nervous around me. Was he scared of me? Was I that scary?  **_GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I’M TRYING! WHY CAN’T THEY SEE THAT?_ **

  
Was it worth trying? Everyone hates me and thinks I’m gonna beat ‘em to death. What would Daiya do? What would he want from me? Why can’t I be better than him dammit?  **_WHY AM I SO WEAK?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually, I don't hurt characters besides my favorite ones or the ones I think would grow from, but Mondo has so much canon angst I couldn't help it. He might grow, might go on a rampage... who knows! Sorry for the late post but I hope its good! Your comments really mean a lot so thank you to anyone who left them! Even if I don't reply it means a lot to me!
> 
> Also, I will talk about crushes but nothing even close to smut. Not even thinking about the other like that bc it makes me uncomfortable to write. Stay safe and healthy! <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

When Taka walked into the kitchen he saw Oowada, which in itself was not unusual. Oowada was often in the kitchen before himself. The unusual part was that he didn’t look up or seem to realize Taka had come down. Sometimes when one of them was too upset to talk it would be like this, but something seemed different today.

“Oowada, are you ok?” He asked, leaning over the counter while he asked. Much of the taller boy's face was hidden by his hair but he seemed upset.

“A-are ya scared o’ me?”

**_No, not you, what you could do. How you could hurt me. How I could be tricked, could be lied to. could be found out, could be destroyed._ **

“N-no, I am not. Why?”

He looked over and Taka could see a little bit of eyeliner smudged around his eyes. There were tears in the corner of his eyes, but he seemed hopeful. His eyes were bright and he looked like a puppy.

“Y-ya aren’t?”

“As I said, no, I am not. Why do you ask?”

“I dunno felt really shitty abou’ th’ punch an’ buncha people were lookin’ at me funny in th’ halls.”

“It’s fine, I know you didn’t mean it. Besides, I’ve been hit a lot harder before! I can take it.”

He moved to make his tea and caught the biker looking at him strangely. The last sentence had meant to be reassuring but it seemed like it just worried him further. He was looking at him like he had just said some horrible thing. Grabbing his mug he turned to face the other.

“What is the matter Oowada? You look upset, Is there anything else you wish to ask?”

“Nah, I’m fine- but, uh, Is there anythin’ ya want ta talk abou’?”

“No, not at the moment. Why don’t you tell me more about yourself?”

“Uh, sure I guess. Don’ really know what ta say.”

“Is there anything you do as a hobby?”

“Um, I kinda wanted ta try wood c-carving.” The taller boy looked down at that. His ears burning and he looked embarrassed.

“That’s a great skill! Why don’t you?”

“Why? ‘Cause I suck at it!”

“That's… How a skill works, no?”

“I-I mean, yeah, yeah I guess. It jus’ makes me feel so useless, an’ dumb.” He looked to the side, refusing to look at the smaller boy.

“It shouldn't! You’re perfectly capable!”

“Heh, yeah, I guess ya right. Why- why-d ya leave earlier today?”

“Hm? Oh, I was visiting father. I visit every day. It’s nice, seeing the way he seems happier when he sees me.”

“Mm, ya mentioned that before. Somethin’ abou’ bullet wounds, righ’?”

“Yes, He is stuck at the hospital for now.”

“That sucks.”

Taking a sip Taka nodded. They finished their drinks and walked to the elevator. He noticed Oowada glancing over. 

Tilting his head he asked, “Is there something on my face?”

“N-Nah, I-I was jus’ wondering i-if ya wanted ta hug.”

“Yes! I- I mean yes, that would be nice.”

As they awkwardly hugged he noticed how warm Oowada was. He felt safe as he relaxed into the touch. 

As the elevator dinged, they moved away. Waving Oowada walked into his room. Taka blushed and walked into his.  **_Why am I blushing?_ **

\------

He walked into his room and sat on his bed. Why was he blushing? Why was he so happy he got another hug?

Was this a trap? Was he trying to win his favor so he could get something? Just for kicks? Just because he could? Was it a dare? Would it hurt in the end? 

Why did he care so much?

Usually, he just ignored it. He didn’t make or need friends, they always ended up doing it for themselves, so why bother? So what made Oowada different? Why did he care at all?

He had bigger things to worry about, and a friendship with  _ Oowada  _ should not be one of them! So why did he want it to be?  **_Do I even deserve this?_ ** _ You deserve the worry, not Oowada. _

_ You don’t deserve the kindness, the hugs, or any of this. You deserve to die cold and alone. You are an emotional child who still needs pity and help! You’re weak! No wonder your father is so ashamed of you! I’m ashamed of you, and I'm you! Why do you suddenly think you’re special? You’re not the only one suffering! Be grateful for what you do have. Don’t be greedy, You don’t want to be hurt again. The best way to stay safe is by staying in your place. _

_ Do you want a repeat of Daiki? Do you want to go through all that pain? That suffering? Do you really think that in the end, he will care for you? Do you really think he’ll be there for you?  _

Standing up he walked over to his desk.  **_The voice was right, I need to be put in my place. I have overstepped and am just being greedy, like my grandfather._ ** Opening the drawer he took out a pair of scissors.

Holding them he walked over to his bedside table. He put the scissors down before climbing into bed.  **_That could wait for the morning. I still needed to be able to do my duties._ ** Looking over the metal shined in the moonlight. The silver was weirdly pretty, messed up only by the dried pink stain on it. 

His eyes moved past the scissors and to the framed photo next to it. It was an old picture, one he had kept when they left their first house. It was of his mother and father, they were holding hands and had Taka on his fathers shoulders. His father was smiling and his mother was beaming. He was smiling like his mother, carefree and happy. It all felt like an old dream you think was a memory. He could hardly remember his father smiling. Happiness was not usually found in the Ishimaru household.

Reaching over he put the frame face down.  **_I’m sorry mom. You don’t need to see the failure I’ve become._ **

**_Maybe if I work a little bit harder…_ **

**_Maybe I can make him smile again…_ **

**_Maybe I can make us a family again…_ **

**_Maybe I’ll be worth a friend…_ **

**_But for now…_ **

**_I’m nothing_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about how late this was but Dialogue is hard and I hate it so much. It takes so long and spellchecks messes it up, not to mention it doesn't;t have a good word count. But I hoped you liked this chapter! The 2nd part got a bit heavy but I hope you like it!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self! Also heads up this chapter will have some internalized homophobia and minor descriptions of bullying so… Skip Taka’s inner voice or this chap if that's not your thing.

(We’re going to start with mondo POV)

When I woke up I was more tired than usual. I was up thinking about that hall monitor. His laugh was stuck in my head and I didn’t really mind it. The way he relaxed when he sipped his tea, the way he would smile softly when I went into my room. Not that weird creepy one but a soft, small one.

The way he had leaned into their hug. The way he would blush as the tea warmed him up. It made my heart flutter.  **_Ugh, I sound like some sappy chick. Not like I have a crush or anything though! I’m straight! I like girls._ **

**_Maybe I should ask Chi about this, He knows more than me._ ** I sit up and send him a quick text asking if we can talk at breakfast. Stretching I get up and get dressed. I love my jacket. It shows how strong I am and that I deserve respect. 

Walking downstairs I see Chi already sitting at our usual table. He’s sitting with the girl from some other year. She always looks asleep and is gaming. They have a tablet sitting between them and are talking. I grab a bowl of cereal and granola bar and sit down across from them.

“Oh! Hey Mondo!”

The sleepy girl looks up at me too. “Hey hey,”

“Uh, hi,” I say, passing the granola bar to Chi. “Hey, uh could we talk,  _ alone _ ?

“Sure! You don’t mind, right Nanami?”

“Hmm? Oh, no. I’ll see you later Fujisaki.”

Chi waved as the girl left. There was a small blush on his cheeks as he turned back to me.

“So, What did you want to talk about, Mon?”

“Ya a lot better at people stuff than me. so I was wonderin’ what it means if I blush aroun’ someone, and my heart goes real fast what that means.”

“What? I thought you knew that! Remember when you like Nurse Mikan?”

“W-well yeah, but this can’t be a crush!”

“Why not?”

“‘Cause it’s a dude, an’ I like women.” 

“Ok… It’s still a crush.”

“But I like women.” I said,  **_Why didn’t he get it. I’m not gay._ **

“Mondo, you can like both. Did you not know that?”

**_Both? Like men and women? You can do that? Should I say I know that?_ **

Instead, I blurted out “Ya can do that?” 

“Yeah, It’s called bisexuality.”

“Tha’s a real thing?”

He giggled while nodding. “Yeah! So… Who’s the guy?” He asked as he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I could feel my face heating up. “N-NO ONE!”

“Aww c’mon Mon-mon, tell me! I won’t tell anyone, promise!”

“I don’ even know if I  _ really  _ like ‘im yet.” I pouted while Chi poked me.

“Sounds like you do, so who is it? Is it Leon?” He gasped really loudly before leaning in and whispering “Togami?”

“What? Ew no.”

“Hmmm, Hiro?” He asked bringing a finger to his chin as he thought.

“What? He’s like 21 or somethin’! No way!” 

“Oh! I got it! It’s Neagi, isn’t it?”

“That guy? No, Chi stop.”

“While it can’t be me… RIght?” He looked up at me nervously. “I-it’s not because I dislike you, I just- “

“What? No, calm down. Yer more like a brother than anythin’ else.”

“That just leaves Ishimaru! Unless it's someone from the other class, Like the Mechanic or the short mafia guy.”

While Chi started listing the other class I looked around. I never saw Hardass in the cafeteria in the mornings.  **_Guess he eats early._ **

“Oh! And that hope guy, but you wouldn’t want someone like him. So, Who  _ is  _ it?”

“Ya  _ promise  _ ya won’ tell anyone? ‘Specially not Leon?”

“Yeah! I promise.”

“It’s the hall monitor, Ishimako or whatever”

“ _ Ishimaru,  _ How can you like a guy you don’t even know the name of? Or talk to?”

“W-we do talk! I don’ know, Tha’s why I asked you!”

“Wow, I really didn’t think he was your type.”

“Well, he is, so whadda I do?”

“We get you two together!”

\----------

(we are going to leave that and go to Taka POV!)

When Taka walked downstairs and past the kitchen, he could smell the meals his peers were cooking.  **_Dang, Smells good._ ** _ Hah, As if you need it you fat pig! You’re disgusting! You deserve to starve after thinking about the only person who stands you like that. Like a friend! Like  _ more  _ than a friend! _

**_Y-yeah, You’re right._ **

He walked into the library to study before school. It was only 30 minutes but he managed to get a decent amount of review in. 

Standing up he walked out and into the hallway to patrol before the first period. As he walked he could help but think about Oowada. How warm he was. How he had looked so cute when he blushed. How-  _ SHUT. UP. _

_ Do you want a repeat of Daiki? Do you want people to know? DO you enjoy being beaten to a pulp? Do you like barely being able to walk because you were kicked so many times? DO YOU WANT THAT AGAIN? No? Then keep walking and stop thinking like that. _

**_I-I don’t._ **

_ So shut up. I’m doing this for us, for you. _

**_Y-yeah, you’re right, you’re always right._ **

As he continued walking he kept his mind only on the upcoming test and his visit with his father. He had managed to move a little more and could stay awake for longer. That was good, less time in the hospital meant less money. Speaking of which, he still had to call their insurance back, and he was tutoring the Chisaki family’s kid today. Then he had to work, speaking of which he had to try and find another job or a better-paying one if he wanted to pay off the hospital bills.

He had taken a piece of paper and was writing this all down,  _ you forgetful dumbass,  _ when he ran into someone. A very solid someone. Looking up he was met with gre- Lavender eyes.

“Oh! Oowada! I apologize I should have been paying more attention!”  _ yeah you should’ve you useless, stupi- _

“‘Is ok, I uh- I was lookin’ for ya.”

“You were? How can I help you? He asked, straightening his jacket as he looked up at the boy in front of him.

“I wanted ta ask ya somethin’ if that's ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how late this was! Should have earlier chapters ver the weekend but for now... Here. Thank you sm for almost 150 kudos! Means so much! If you like please leave a comment or tell me how I can improve!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self! Also, Minor descriptions of vomit, I don’t like writing so it’ll be very minor but just saying!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self! Also, Minor descriptions of vomit, I don’t like writing so it’ll be very minor but just saying!

“Of course! What can I help with?”

“I- uh- D-do ya wanna have l-lunch with me?”

Tilting his head to the side Kiyotaka looked up to try and meet the biker’s gaze.

“Don’t you usually eat with Fujisaki-san and Kuwata-san?” 

“They’re busy, but if ya don’ wanna tha’s fine!”

“No, it’s fine. I usually eat in the library, if you would like to study a little?”

“Uh, y-yeah! Sure!”

“Alright, I'll see you at lunch then.” He waved a little as he walked off towards class.

**_Why did I say yes? I shouldn't have said yes! That was so stupid! He’ll ask why I’m not eating and try to ask questions! Oh gosh, what if he tries to be friends with me? What if he thinks this means we’re friends?_ **

Looking over his shoulder he saw that Oowada wasn’t in the hallway he ran into the bathroom. He could feel the lump in his throat and quickly ran into a stall. It was unpleasant as always. He hated it so much. Walking out he grabbed a stick of gum from his bag and walked towards the sink.

Looking up he stopped. Neagi was looking at him with concern in his eyes. 

“Are you ok, Ishimaru?”

**_Should I tell him? Could I tell him? He isn’t very strong looking but he could tell his friends. He- he said we were friends, right? He hasn’t hurt me yet… Maybe I could talk to him-_ ** _ NO, Of course not! This is what he wants you to think! Don’t trust him! _

“Ah, I think I must’ve just eaten something that disagreed with me.” He let out a small laugh. It was clear that Neagi was still worried. 

  
  


“Maybe you should take the day off. Drink some water and rest, you sounded pretty sick.” Walking over to the sink Taka filled his hands with water and rinsed his mouth. 

_ He just wants to beat you, get ahead.  _

“Ah, no I’m fine Neagi. I think it should be fine. Thank you for your concern.”

“If you say so…”

He put the gum in his mouth and started to leave when he heard Neagi speak up.

“Why were you crying?”

Stiffening he turned around a small nervous smile on his face.

“I- I haven’t been.”

“Then why are your eyes red? There are tear tracks on your face.”

“Oh, that… My eyes were just water because of the gag reflex.”

“...” He still looked unsure, looking Taka over as if for more reasons. 

“I’ll see you in class.” He walked out of the bathroom and into class. He was later than he usually was but still early enough that he had time to calm himself down. He sat at the back, where he usually did. Sitting down all he could do was wait for the day to be over.

~

The rest of the day had passed horribly slowly. He could feel Neagi’s eyes on him for most of the day and after lunch, he could feel Kirigiri’s as well. Overall it had been a terrible day. Lunch with Oowada was ok, The conversation was stiff and awkward. Taka trying to answer with short sentences and Oowada trying to keep the conversation going. They got some studying done but not as much as Taka had hoped. 

The walk to the hospital was much nicer when the wind was calm like today.  **_I suppose that's the only good thing I deserve. If even that._ ** His bag dug into his shoulder painfully as he signed in.  **_At least I get to see my father._ **

**_\------_ **

(Mondo Pov)

This day has been shit. Absolute shit. First I couldn’t even ask Ishimaru if he was gay or on a date or anythin’! Then the lunch we had was really fuckin’ awkward and now I can’t even find ‘im! I wanted to apologize or something and ask if he would help me study but he was gone! An’ I think that the weird brown-haired twink likes him! He was starin’ at him all day!

I just want to be friends with him, is that so hard? I just want to get ta know him! Like Chi said, I should be friends with him first! He was so excited to get us together, somethin’ about it being cute and some boat thing? I don’ really know, he kinda lost me. 

Why am I so crap at this crush thing? At least I didn’ yell at ‘im. He seemed really jumpy today. In class he broke a pencil and nearly fell out of his chair when the bell rang. 

I love seeing him at night, he’s so calm and pretty. The way he would make the tea with skilled hands. His hands were slender and nimble, picking the exact bag he wanted and stirring quickly. I noticed that they always seemed cold, Ishimaru making sweater paws or wrapping them around his cup. He wanted to hold them in his own. They looked soft, his own were large and calloused. He wondered if Ishimaru would want to hold hands if he ever manned up and asked.

Chi ran up to me, followed by Leon. 

“Mondo! Tell him to stop bullying me!”

“Hey! Asking for a high five isn’t bullying!”

“It is when you're holding your hand ABOVE your head!”

“Not my fault you’re short.”

“Leon shut up. Chi, I need your help.” Looking over to me he scrunched his face up in confusion before nodding and running up next to me.

“Why does he get to stay? I thought we were bros!”

Chi and I just looked at each other and back at him before he sighed and brought a hand to his chest like he’d been stabbed.

“Ouch, Fine I’ll go find Hiro. He’s a real bro.”

Once he turned away Chi looked up and me and grabbed my arm. 

“This is about Ishimaru, right? You asked him out, right? You need help with planning your date!”

‘Er- Nah, I wanted ta but I chickened out. I don’ know how ta do this! I- I’m not ready for anyone ta know I’m gay o-or bi or whatever!”

“Ok, calm down. It's fine, You can take it slow. How about you become friends as I said.”

“I tried! I can’t find ‘im anywhere!”

“Deep breath, big guy. How about I set up a study group for us? That would actually be pretty fun…” He looked across the schoolyard as he thought. Suddenly he looked back at me. “Let's do it! Can you ask him?”

“Y-yeah, I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say I was gonna post earlier on weekends? Sorry... I hope you liked this! I hate dialogue so very much but I hope it isn't too painful to read.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walking into the hospital room he saw his father lying in the bed. He was looking at the wall ahead of him but turned when he heard Taka’s footsteps.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self! Also minor drowning, metaphorical

Walking into the hospital room he saw his father lying in the bed. He was looking at the wall ahead of him but turned when he heard Taka’s footsteps. He knew he looked like his father, he used to take pride in it. Now it felt more like a burden. Everyone knew him based on looks alone. The eyebrows and hair were so close that he had been called Takaaki before. He used to like how he had his mother's vibrant eyes. He would always love his mother but after being called “demon spawn” for them they meant less to him. It wasn’t just his peers either, Random people would ask. Hiro had even commented on it when the first met. On his mother, they had looked beautiful. The red contrasting with her light brown hair and making her look like a fantasy heroine. Unfortunately, he just looked like the monsters he always imagined her fighting. 

It never used to bother him. He never cared when he was called ugly. He never bothered with looks, but now… He wished he had. _ Don’t we all. _

He hated smiling. He hated how it was so scary and ugly when he did _. Another reason why emotions have no place with you. Bury them, they make you weak. Make you vulnerable. They make you hated. Kill them. Get rid of them. _

Walking over to the seat next to his father he started asking him the usual questions. It had been nice to see his father more often, they talked for real now. He would ask how his day was and his father, in return would ask about him. It was far from the standard family. It wasn’t very comfortable but it was a start. A start that Taka had been wanting for a very long time. 

He still couldn’t talk to his father about his issues. He knew that he was thought to be a loudmouth. Someone who would tell everyone everything. It was why no one thought he had any issues. 

Instead, anytime his father asked how he was doing he would reply with the same curt answer.

“I am doing perfectly well. I have been doing well in all my classes.”

When the subject of girls came up he would just ask about his father and mother’s relationship. He never planned to come out, if he could help it. He would find a woman and marry her regardless. If she liked him it would be fine. 

He never told his father that he had found the perfect metaphor for how he was doing. He was drowning. He was covered in things he had to complete and was drowning in it. He could hardly make it to work on him because his shoes were worn so thin he was worried that they would get holes. He didn’t say that he felt like he could hardly breathe. He didn’t say that he felt like if he kept going he would burn out and hit the bottom. 

People said that once you hit the bottom there was nowhere to go but up.  _ But how would you go up? You have no one to reach for. You have no one to help you. You deserve to sit at the bottom and rot. _

He never said any of that. Instead, he changed topics politely and nodded while his father rambled about his life growing up. 

Hearing the stories only made him sink further. He could feel the air leaving his lungs as he sat in the chair. He heard about living a good life, with wealth and happiness. His father would turn to him each time and say; “I know you’ll get that back for us.”

How could he say anything after hearing that? How could he say that just the other day he considered walking in front of the bus on his way here?  _ How can you tell him you failed before you even started? _

He would sit for an hour, talking and studying. When the hour was over he would leave. Waving and telling his father that he loved him. He never heard it back.  **_Maybe he didn’t know to say it back._ ** _ Maybe he just doesn’t love you _

Walking back was the most painful part. He was walking back to his own personal heck hole. He was choosing to go back to the place that showed him how worthless he was at every turn. Looking up at the building he felt nothing but disdain. This was his grandfather’s school, not his.

Others had said that they felt hope, or happiness when they saw the school. They saw a chance to live an amazing life. A place to find the luxury they could live off of forever. 

To Taka it was more of a place that convinced people they were geniuses. A place that ruined lives and destroyed families. Somewhere his grandfather would always have his name attached to. Somewhere he was only a step in the ladder. Somewhere that didn’t think of his goals, only how he could help others with theirs. Not that he didn’t want to help others, he wasn’t  _ that selfish, _ but it felt like he was more of a decoration than anything else.

He knew that he was considered that by many. Kuwata treated him more as a nuisance than a peer. Togami and Lundenburg seemed to deem him more or less a servant of sorts. To Fujisaki and Naegi he was just another chore to check in with. He knew he had no right to want respect, but it still upset him. He knew that they lied to him. They had more fun when he wasn’t there than when he was. 

Walking down the halls he could feel the cool tile through the sole of his shoe. Most people were doing whatever they were doing by now so the halls were mostly empty. His boots no longer echoed so much in the halls but the sound still annoyed him.  _ Like you have any right to make any noise you disgusting, worthless, waste of space, and air. _

He turned the hall as he heard a new sound coming towards him. A softer sound. Turning he saw Fujisaki walking towards him with Oowada behind him. 

“Ishimaru!”

“Yes, how may I help you, Fujisaki?”

“Wanna come to study with me an’ th’ kid?”

Looking over he saw Oowada catching up and standing behind Fujisaki. He was slightly pink and looked surprisingly hopeful.

“I suppose I could come. As long as I’m not intruding.”

They both smiled as they walked with him back to their dorms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been posting so late but I don't have many ideas. I know that I've been writing plot mostly but it's much easier writing in vent format, with little dialogue and mostly thoughts. I felt really off and crappy today so I decided to do this. I hope it wasn't terrible or boring. Thank you for your sweet comments! When a guest leave a comment it feels so real and I love reading them so thank you Lovely!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why had he said yes? Why did he agree at all? Taka was sitting in Fujisaki’s room with the two boys. Fujisaki was in his desk chair with Oowada on the bed.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**_Why had he said yes? Why did he agree at all?_ ** Taka was sitting in Fujisaki’s room with the two boys. Fujisaki was in his desk chair with Oowada on the bed. Not knowing where to sit, Taka had awkwardly sat on the floor with his back to the wall. He felt like if he moved, he would break something with the sheer amount of stuff in the room. So many computer screens and tokens. 

They had finished studying for a while beforeFujisaki said he needed snacks and left for the kitchen. Leaving Taka alone with Oowada, who was glancing at him. The silence felt like a heavy blanket. Oowada had been joking with Fujisaki the whole time, whereas Taka only spoke when asked a question or explaining something.

After another couple of minutes of awkward silence, Fujisaki came back with a bowl in his hands. Sitting down he immediately resumed his conversation with Oowada about… something…

Why was he so tired? He had gotten enough sleep… Probably… and he hadn’t been feeling too off today. He leaned back against the wall. He felt ready to sleep for days and couldn’t even find the energy to look over at the other two. Looking over to the side he saw a full-body mirror. 

The mirror had little post-it notes on them. All of them had little phrases on them. All seemed to be telling the looker they looked good? Or that they could do it? Something like that. Looking at himself he almost laughed at the irony. His hair was a bit too long and didn’t suit him, his eyebrows were trying to connect. His cheeks were slightly sunken, not noticeable if you weren’t looking. His eyes seemed gray-er than before and he could only imagine his teeth. 

He hadn’t had a chance to go to the dentist for several years, he had taken good care of his teeth but a lot were crooked. Being punched in the face for years hadn’t helped either. He had a couple of teeth missing on each side. He should probably go see someone about that… But it’d just be a waste of time.

When he looked back over he realized that the conversation had changed completely. He should focus. The last thing he needed was for them to get annoyed at him. Oowada could hit hard and fast. It would probably be painful but he was big enough that outrunning him would be easy enough. His motorcycle would be an issue. Fujisaki was small but that just meant he was more agile. He had seen what the small boy could do when he was provoked. 

What if they realized he wasn’t good for anything? That he was a waste of their time? That he was only good for a tutor? 

They weren’t studying! He was useless in this scenario! What could he even do? Did they remember he was there? Would it matter if they did? Why was he here? 

It made him think of a complaint his father had told him about the other day. That whenever he goes anywhere people ignore him. Treat him like a ghost. That’s why he looks like one.

He wanted to laugh, he was becoming his father. His eyes seemed to match his more than his mother’s. How long until he becomes a ghost? **_What happened to the boy who would scream for morals?_** _He realized the truth._

Looking over he could see the two getting heated over some debate. He wanted to go back to his room. He was so uncomfortable here. Why was he even invited? Sitting up with a sigh he looked up when he saw Fujisaki glance at him and back at Oowada. 

Looking over at the clock he got to his knees. It was time for him to have his dinner. 

“Ah, excuse me a moment.”

Walking out he heard a grunt from the biker and an “Ok!” From the programmer. Walking down the halls felt even scarier than normal. Maybe it was his jumpiness, but it felt empty and looming. He felt like a rat in a maze. 

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a granola bar. Looking at the back for a sec he put it in his pocket. His stomach was in knots for no reason. He felt a sense of dread, It felt like a cold weight on his back.

From behind him, he heard a click of someone's heels. He jumped, turning around and putting a hand on the counter. Celeste stared at him with a smirk.

“Rather jumpy, aren’t we?”

Giving her a smile he looked away and turned around. He really didn’t like her. She looked too much like his mother but had a cold cruel aura around her. She seemed like the type who would watch other kids crush ants. Never getting her hands dirty but enjoying it all the same.

Walking out he could hear her laugh to herself softly. It was high pitched and fake. Walking away he couldn’t help but look over his shoulder.

He walked up to Fujisaki’s room but his hand hesitated over the handle. Would they notice if he didn't come back?  _ No, why would they care? _

Moving away he walked towards his own room, Hoping for some quiet. It was just then that he heard Neagi call out to him from a few doors down.

“Hey, Ishi! I know you’re probably busy, but me an’ Kyo are playing this game she just got. Wanna come? You don’t have to… but it’s calming, and you look pretty stressed.”

“I’m fine but thank you, Naegi.”

* * *

(Gonna do a quick bit of Naegi POV)

Watching Ishi walk into his room Makoto couldn’t help but feel bad. He really just wanted to help but he felt like he had failed. He was the guy's friend, what kind of friend couldn’t even be reliable.

“Hey, Kyo?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think there’s something off with Ishimaru?”

“Not that I’ve noticed, I’m more concerned with Fukawa. She is hiding something.”

“Mmmm ok, If you say so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20 chapters? That's insane, I thought this would be a oneshot no one read, but here we are! It sounds cheesy but I'm surprised I've managed to keep this streak! I liked this chapter so I hope you did too! Comments make my day so leave one if you liked it!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scrolling through there wasn't anything all that interesting. Nothing that caught his eyes except for a small article that was about his hometown. Some kid from his middle school had gotten a spot in next year's group for Hope’s Peak.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, bullying, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, bullying, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

He knew it was stupid to want to talk to Oowada. Especially after leaving him and Fujisaki. _Probably didn’t care. They were probably happy that you were gone._ He had gone back into his room and opened the school-issued laptop he had on his desk. Taka preferred to only use it for school, (less chance of breaking it and adding to the debt.) or to read the news. 

Scrolling through there wasn't anything all that interesting. Nothing that caught his eyes except for a small article that was about his hometown. Some kid from his middle school had gotten a spot in next year's group for Hope’s Peak. It was the sister of a boy he knew. She was only a year younger than him and apparently she was the ultimate kite artist. 

He was happy, the family was very happy and it was a great thing for the town. He hadn’t done any interviews or posted anything online. He had never been the pride of the town. He had never wanted to be, he knew it would only end in more attacks. He did wish that he would have felt some happiness for his achievement. His mother was already dead and his father hadn’t smiled, only glared at the envelope before a short congratulations and a pat on the back. He had left to go to bed after that. He shouldn’t have been bothered by it but he was. 

Further, in the article, it was mentioned how lucky the family was. Apparently, the boy he knew had gotten into one of the top schools on a sports scholarship. It made his stomach tie into knots. He felt the familiar cold dead weight settle at the bottom of his stomach as he read. It was customary for families to visit Hope’s Peak so the new students would get to know the building. Before the shadow days, the whole family was allowed to come. He had signed up to be a guide on those days.

He was obligated to do so as the ultimate moral compass. He had to do small things like this, he didn’t normally mind. It was one more weekend at school, so what? The idea that he might have to interact with the family made him want to cry on its own. The boy had always hated him, really hated him. He didn’t need him to give any of his peers ideas. 

What if Oowada or Fujisaki saw? Or Naegi? They tolerated him, he didn't need them seeing how much of a weakening he was. He didn’t want to see the disgust on their faces when he was crying. He didn’t want them to see him when he wasn’t at his best. He was the person who never faltered. He was the one who would always be the moral compass no matter what.

What kind of moral compass was he if he couldn’t even stand up for himself? No one knew he went to Hope's Peak. No one asked or cared. How would he react seeing Taka here? No one declined a Hope’s Peak invite, unless they had enough power and money to already be successful. They wouldn’t say no just because he was here, but he might tell his sister what to do.

He wanted to cry, what would he do? He was powerless and Kawamura was very good at tearing down his walls. No one would respect him if they saw him getting beat! They wouldn’t listen to him! Most wouldn’t anyway but he still had enough influence to make sure they knew that he could get them in trouble. Now he wouldn’t have that! Fujisaki wouldn’t want to talk to him, let alone Oowada. No one wants to talk to a weakling!

**_Might as well try and sleep. Get away from_ ** **this** **_nightmare for a little._ **

Laying down he settled down and fell asleep not long after that. 

He looked around and he was sitting in an empty classroom. He knew he had to leave, school was over. His father wasn’t going to be home until late. He always called at 5 o’clock and it was 3:30 now. If it took 45 minutes to walk he should hurry. He always tried to finish his homework before the call. It made him feel like he had accomplished something. 

Standing up he grabbed his bag, It seemed heavy. Really, really heavy. He was strong enough to carry it right? 

Picking it up it slid out of his hand. _Weak._ Frowning he left the room. He had to hurry. He could get his bag later. 

Walking through the school it was dark. He could feel something rushing at him from behind. Looking ahead he saw a pair of double doors with a light on the other side. Running towards them he realized he suddenly had his bag with him. Weighing him down. He wouldn’t make it! He could hear the clicking of heels and the cool air behind him. 

With one last burst of energy, he rushed forward and opened the doors. Smiling at the light he sat down. Resting against the doors. He could wait a minute, the light was nice. 

Shadows fell on him, Blocking the sun from views. Looking up he saw a group of kids, they were tall and seemed to be stretched in an arc above him. They didn’t have faces but he could hear the hateful laughter. 

Two of them grabbed his arms and pulled him into the school. He could feel another pair of hands wrap around his throat and throw him down. Instead of hitting the floor, he was free-falling. Looking Over, he saw Daiki falling next to him. He reached an arm out. Going to take it he felt himself be pulled closer. Daiki’s smile turned cruel and he stepped on his stomach, pushing him to fall further. 

Sitting up he could still feel the falling sensation in his stomach. Shakily he got up. He wanted to see Oowada. Maybe he could get another hug. Either way, he could really go for some tea. Walking around his bed his legs felt a little unsure but ignoring that he left the room.

Going down the stairs he saw the light on. Walking into the kitchen he expected to see Oowada next to the counter, with two cups of tea.

But it wasn’t Oowada in the kitchen. It wasn't Oowada who sat up and waved to him with their own cup of tea.

  
  


It was Naegi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, posting this early? Shocking. I needed a distraction and this was the first thing that came to mind so... yay! (yeah idk what a kite artist really is, someone who paints kites? designs them? idk it was the first thing I thought of.)
> 
> 175 Kudos? really? You guys are the best! I was thinking I might start with the comfort part of the "hurt/comfort". Maybe have some actual support for Taka, who knows! Thank you so much to anyone who left comments they really make me happy!
> 
> I usually wouldn't do this but if you like Komahina, I wrote some one-shots if you want to read them? Idk, I had fun writing them and you might like it.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> N-Naegi? What are you doing up at this hour?”
> 
> I could feel my face heat up. He looked soft, in a big hoodie and his hair all messed up.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

(Naegi POV? sure)

“N-Naegi? What are you doing up at this hour?”

I could feel my face heat up. He looked soft, in a big hoodie and his hair all messed up.

“I-I’m just getting some water, you?”

Looking closer he didn’t look ok. He had bags under his eyes and his legs seemed to be shaking.

“I- uh- I was just getting some tea.”

“You wanna sit down? You’re kinda shaking.”

“I- I suppose.” I watched Ishimaru put the kettle on and shakily walked over to the table I had chosen. He smiled at me before looking back down.

“Hey, are you ok? Like really?” I looked at him seriously, before leaning away and putting my hands up. “Uh, not to pressure you or anything! I’m just worried, y’ know?”

“I-” The other boy put his hands in his lap and looked down at them. His face was scrunched up as though he was really concentrating. The kettle whistled and he jumped. I watched as he got his tea, stirred, and sat back down. He stared into his tea for a bit longer before looking back up at me and giving me a small smile.

“I will be fine but thank you for your concern. I am merely shaken by my dream.”

“O-ok, was it a nightmare?”

“Mm, I suppose it was, what about you?” He asked as he took a sip of his tea.

“I keep having these weird dreams… about Enoshima…”

He looked at me, horrified. “Naegi! I hardly think that’s appropriate!”

“Huh? Wha- OH! N-No! Not like that!” I could feel my face turn red for what felt like the 5th time.

“The dream starts normally but there’s something off- and she’s standing with some teddybear? I don’t really understand it but it scares me every time.”

Looking over at me he nods before returning to his tea. Drinking my water I stand up and put it into the sink. Turning I see him doing the same. Walking over to the door I wait for him to walk with me. 

Catching up, he walks with me to the elevator. The silence was stiff but not uncomfortable. When we reached our floor we stepped out and started off towards our rooms. Opening my door I looked back at him.

“My door is always open if you do want to talk, ok?”

Looking back, he smiled at me. 

  
“Thank you, I will keep that in mind.”

\-------

Walking down the stairs the next morning Taka was stopped by Oowada. 

“Hey, I didn’ see you last night, wha’ happened?”

“Oh, I ran into Naegi before I saw you and went to bed after my tea. I apologize for not waiting.”

“It’s fine, jus’ been wonderin’”

The biker walked off, going towards the kitchen. Heading out the doors Taka found it odd that he had cared, was that care? 

_ Nah, He would never care about someone like you.  _

**_Mm, You’re probably right._ **

Walking over to the hospital he couldn’t feel guilty.  **_I haven’t done anything, right?_ **

_ Besides ruining people’s day?  _

It was cold today, he really needed a sweater.  _ What you need is to stop being so damn needy and man up! _

Checking in he went up to his father's room. He was reading as usual. Knocking on the doorway he stepped in.

“Good morning father, how are you feeling?”

Looking up from his book he grunted, “I’m doing fine. How are you doing, Kiyotaka?”

“I am doing well. Do you need a new book?”

“Not currently, perhaps later.”

Nodding, Taka walked over to the table next to his father and picked up the finished books.

“I will visit later, father. Have a good day.”

“You don’t need to visit twice a day. In fact, if it hinders your studying I would prefer you don’t.”

“Of course father. Goodbye, I love you.”

He heard another grunt as he walked out.  **_Even he doesn't even want to see me anymore, huh?_ **

\------

(Mondo POV)

Waking up this morning I was already in a bad mood.  **_What did I do? First Taka ditched me an’ Chi. Then I don’t get to ask him why ‘cause he wasn’t in the kitchen last night!_ ** Walking down the stairs I see him heading towards the door. 

“Hey, I didn’ see you last night, wha’ happened?”

“Oh, I ran into Naegi before I saw you and went to bed after my tea. I apologize for not waiting.”

**_Is he choosin’ Naegi over me? Is he mad? Why is he mad?_ **

“It’s fine, jus’ been wonderin’”

Walking past him to the kitchen.  **_Fuck, I haven’t even asked him out an’ I already feel rejected._ **

I can see Chi walking over to me. Sitting down he places his bowl down and hands me a bar. Thanking him I open it and start eating.

“Did you ask Ishimaru why he left? You said you would see him yesterday.”

“Nah I didn’ get ta see ‘im”

“You sound bitter, what happened?”

“Nothin’. Jus’ didn’ get ta see ‘im?”

“No, It seems like more than that.” The smaller let out a gasp as he looked at me. “Did you see him with someone else?”

“Nah, ‘e was jus’ busy. Nothin’ more.”

“Mmm If you say so…” grumbling he trailed off before perking up. “Hey, Chiaki! Did you get a chance to see the bunny AI I sent you?”

Tuning out Chi’s chatter I looked down at the table.  **_Was Ishimaru seein’ Naegi? They didn’ really seem that close. Ishimaru wasn’ close to anyone. Maybe they were hiding’ it? God, he was an idiot for thinking he should ask ‘im out._ **

Why had I been convinced I could do this? Asking girls out was one thing, but boys was another. **_what if Ishimaru is homophobic? What if he thinks I’m disgusting? What if I start yelli’ and make him scared? What if he’s datin’ Naegi and thinks I’m an idiot for not knowin’?_**

God I just want to not have to deal with this. Standing up I waved to Chi, who was busy talking to that pink-haired girl again. Walking out I threw the wrapper of my bar into the garbage and headed over to the gym.

**_Why am I so annoyed by this? I’ve been rejected before, so why was this time any different? Why does it bother me if he likes Naegi or not? Why do I care,I’m Mondo Oowada! I shouldn' care!_ **

So why do I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never expect an early update again. I hope you liked it though! If you don't mind commenting, I wanna know if you guys would be ok with a love triangle thing? With a little bit of Naegi x Taka? Or we can just keep it with this. I'm on the fence so if you feel a certain way let me know!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!
> 
> **Voting! **Most people said yes to the idea of a love triangle, so its gonna happen, kinda. It will be more of pining from Naegi then anything else. It's fun to write about how much I love Taka.****

He and his father had gotten closer. Thought that maybe he could have some affection from him. The day just seemed to get worse, Oowada kept yelling at people and being rude. Kuwata was following his actions and telling them off was starting to test his patience. 

The only good thing seemed to be how Naegi kept smiling over at him. It made him feel just a little it better, although he had no idea why. Kirigiri also seemed to be looking over at him a lot, but that just made him feel judged.

She seemed to be analyzing him, anywhere he went she seemed to be there.  _ How self-centered can you get? It’s probably someone else. No one would care enough about you to do that. _

Walking through the hallway he could hear Oowada and Kuwata in the library.  **_Why on earth would they be yelling?_ **

Walking in, he saw the two at a table in the back. Most people seemed to be ignoring them or glaring. The ultimate librarian was standing close to the table, they looked scared to go up to them so Taka tapped them on the shoulder and whispered that he would take care of it.

Walking over he put his hands on the table and whisper yelled, “What are you two doing?”

“Get th’ fuck outta here! This is between us!”

“Well, when you’re yelling enough for the whole room to hear I can’t help but disagree.”

Turning to face him Oowada glared at the smaller boy. “Ya wanna go? I don’t fuckin’ care how loud we are! Mind yer business!”

“You should when it’s in the library! Now, please take this outside or you both have a week's detention!”

“Ugh, fine, let’s go man,” Kuwata grumbled as he nodded towards the door.

“Nah, I don’ gotta listen ta ya! I’ll stay where I wanna stay!”

“Oowada, you are disturbing the others around you! I will ask again, please remove yourself from the library or you will face a week's detention!” He really didn’t want to raise his voice, but it was hard to win an argument when you can hardly be heard over the other.

“Nah, I don’ think I will. Try askin’ me again and see how well that turns out!”

“Threats are only made by cowards and weaklings Oowada, now get out of the library.”

Why am I saying that? We were friends the other day! Why is he being so stubborn?

“Ya callin’ me a coward? Ya think ya better than me or some shit?”

“No, I merely-”

“We’ll see who’s better. We can have a competition and’ I’ll show ya just how much of a weakling I am!”

“What are you insinuating?”

“I’m sayin’ that you talk real tough for someone who probably couldn’ beat me at anythin’!”

“I will not stoop to your childish competitions. If you wish to talk like responsible adults, then I will be in my room after school. Now get out of the library.”

Turning on his heel Taka stalked out of the library.  _ What was that? You tryin’ to act tough? Everyone knows how weak you are. God, you really are the worst. _

Walking into class he saw Naegi talking to Kirigiri, noticing him he perked up and waved at him. **_Maybe today won’t be that bad._ **

\--------

(naegi POV bc I’m starting to like writing him)

Walking over I knocked on Kyo’s door only for it to swing open as I was still knocking. 

“Hey Kyo!”

“Makoto, Heading to breakfast already?”

“Yup!”

Stepping out she closed and locked the door behind her. We started walking towards the elevator.

“So, why are you in such a good mood today? Waking up early, being in a good mood, I didn’t have to wake you up, what happened?”

“Can’t I just be happy?”

“Makoto you hate mornings as much as you hate Junko flirting with you.”

“Fiiiiiiiine,  _ Maybe  _ I have something that  _ might  _ make me a little happy today…”

“Who is it?”

“Wha- why does it have to be some-”

The elevator doors opened revealing Byakuya wearing his usual suit. Stepping in he looked down and me and the over to Kyo before smirking.

“So why are we making fun of Makoto now?”

“W-we? There’s nothing to talk abou-”

“He has a crush on someone.”

Looking over at Kyo I coil feel the heat rising to my face. “Kyo!”

“Who is it?” Byakuya asked, turning to look at Kyo.

“Don’t talk over meeee”

Looking over to me he scoffed. “It’s hard not to when you’re that short.”

  
  


“You guys are so mean!”

“I think it’s either Sayaka or Mukuro”

“Hmm, That might be true, however, have you seen how he acts with Komeada from the year above?”

“I think he’s taken.”

“Hah! That’s wrong!”

Pushing up his glasses Byakuya looked me over before turning to Kyo.

“Leon, perhaps? Although I don’t know what he would see in a plebian like him.”

“No,” Putting a hand on her chin he looked at the elevator walls thoughtfully. “I think it might be Ishimaru.”

I could feel my face getting even redder as the doors opened. 

“Hmm, I think you might be right.” I could hear the smirk in his voice as we walked to the Kitchen. Mondo was talking to Chihiro about something.

Grabbing our food we went to sit at a table with Aoi, Sakura, and celeste. Kyo took her seat next to Celeste and me next to Byakuya.

Looking around I couldn’t find Ishi anywhere.  **_Did he already eat? He doesn’t seem like the type to skip something so important._ ** I could see Mondo turning red. I pointed it out to Byakuyua.

“You think he likes Chihiro?”

“I don’t care about the lives of peasants.”

“Butcha like us!” Aoi said leaning over into his space with a smile.

“I  _ stand  _ you. I do not  _ like  _ any of you.”

Rolling her eyes she put a hand on his shoulder she moved back into her seat next to Sakura.

“You’re such a tsun-tsun, Byaku.”

Tuning them out I keep looking around for Ishi,  **_he’s always up super early, Maybe he went to the gym. He is really strong. I hope he’s not sick. Then I wouldn’t be able to ask him to tutor me!_ **

I hope I get to see him in class!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Aoi and Togami don't like each other a lot but in this they're in the same friend group and are decent friends because Togami has become a lot nicer thanks to Makoto. 
> 
> Some asked again how many chapters this will have and I think around 30? It sounded like a lot at the time, a whole month of writing! but know I think it might be more? I'm taking it day by day so I don't have much of a plan.
> 
> Also thank you so much to everyone who voted and has left kudos/comments! you are so sweet! It's cheesy but true! :)
> 
> **Results of the vote are in the beginning notes! ******


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t focus through class, I was worried about what he would say. What if he’s busy? Or I’m just wasting his time?
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

(Starting off with Naegi POV.)

Ishi came into the class later than usual, which was weird, but the way he blushed and waved back was adorable. I could see Kyo smirking at me.  **_I should ask him about tutoring later._ **

I couldn’t focus through class, I was worried about what he would say.  **_What if he’s busy? Or I’m just wasting his time? He’d probably be too nice to say so… I should ask him to eat lunch with me! I don’t usually see him in the cafeteria, maybe he eats outside? What if he doesn’t want me ruining his time? I could invite him to eat with us but… That wouldn’t be good, what if Byakuya tells him?_ **

**_Yeah, I’ll ask him if I can join him, but not like that. That sounds weird._ **

After class I walked over to him as he was packing up. Standing in front of his desk I waited for him.

Looking up he noticed me. “Oh! Naegi, how can I help you?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to eat lunch with me?”

“I thought you ate with your friends?”

“Yeah, but we’re friends aren’t we? I just want to spend time with you. Last night was nice. I-If you don’t want to th-that's fine!”

He looked me over, he seemed nervous. “I- er, I have to patrol before lunch… But I suppose if you wanted to eat after that it would be fine.”

Grabbing his bag we walked out of the classroom and down the hall. He was always stiff with the straightest posture I’d ever seen. He still seemed nervous, and even paler than usual ( **_How is that possible?)._ **

“Where do you usually eat?”

“Usually in the library, do you have a preference for where we eat?”

“That sounds good! I’m not forcing you to eat with me right? If you don’t want to it’s fine!”

“N-no, I think it will be nice to do that.” Looking over at him I could see his smile. It wasn’t the one from last night, it seemed more forced. He seemed tense and I noticed he was gripping his forearm tightly. 

“Alright, I’ll see you then! Bye Ishi!” I said. Jogging over to where Kyo was standing with celeste. 

“I didn’t take you as the type to like someone like him,” Celeste said. Looking over at Ishi. “I would have thought you liked Maizono.”

“Don’t be rude,” Kyo replied, nudging her. “You don’t exactly look like the type to like girls you know”

“Hey! He’s really nice!” I said pouting.  **_Why did everyone have to say it like that?_ **

“Yeah, I’m sure we’ll hear all about how well your little lunch went.”

\------

(Taka POV)

“I was wondering if you wanted to eat lunch with me?”

**_What? Why me? What do you want? Is this another trick?_ ** _ Say no, Say no, Say no, Say no, Say no, Say no, Say no, Say no, SAY NO. _

“I thought you ate with your friends?”

“Yeah, but we’re friends aren’t we? I just want to spend time with you. Last night was nice. I-If you don’t want to th-that's fine!”

**_He seems like he isn’t lying… He says we’re already friends? Is he going to wait until I trust him more? I-is this a trap?_ **

“I- er, I have to patrol before lunch… But I suppose if you wanted to eat after that it would be fine.”

**_There’s no way he’d want to wait for someone like me, right? No chance that he’d choose that over being with his friends!_ **

Taka grabbed his bag and walked towards the door, Naegi next to him.

“Where do you usually eat?”

**_Is he saying he does? What does he stand to gain from this? Why would he do this? I thought that he didn’t dislike me._ **

Usually in the library, do you have a preference for where we eat?”

“That sounds good! I’m not forcing you to eat with me right? If you don’t want to it’s fine!”

**_H-he sounds genuine,_ ** _ so did Daiki. It’s a lie, I can almost guarantee. THere’s no way a  _ real  _ ultimate would want to spend time with you. _

“N-no, I think it will be nice to do that.” He reassured, forcing a smile.  **_Please, don’t do this, I don’t need you to prove how stupid I am… please, leave me alone._ ** _ Shut up, you deserve this and you know it. _

“Alright, I’ll see you then! Bye Ishi!”

**_I-Ishi? A nickname? How far is he going to take this joke? Oh god Lundenburg is looking at me. She’s probably in on this. He’s probably laughing at me right now. Oh gosh, what if he’s telling them how weak I was yesterday. They’ll hate me!_ **

Taka kept walking until he reached the bathroom, ducking in he walked over to the sink. Leaning against it he took a deep breath.  _ Did you really think it would stop at Kaiseidan? You deserve everything that happens. You deserve this. This is just what you owe to the world. This is your debt. _

He could feel his palm getting sweaty and quickly rinsed them off before splashing his face. Looking into the mirror he grimaced. He looked horrible. His eyes seemed even dimmer than last time and he looked tired. Not enough for someone to notice but it was clear to him _. Just like Takaaki, and just like Toranosuke before him. You’ll end up just like your grandfather. Remember what he used to say? _

_ “Little Kiyo, You’ll grow up to be just like me. I know you will leave a mark on history just like me. You’ll be the next genius.” _

_ Remember how much you looked up to him? How you used to want to be like him? It looks like your wishes came true.  _

Turning off the sink he glared at his reflection before stalking out of the bathroom. He walked down the halls quickly.  **_Might as well check the halls._ **

Walking around there was nothing interesting around the school. I could see Naegi talking to Togami and the two girls.  **_Is he in on the joke too? Is the whole group? Do they all hate me?_ **

**_Maybe I shouldn’t go to lunch…_ **

**_Maybe I should skip and just avoid them…_ **

**_Maybe I could pretend I’m busy…_ **

**_Maybe..._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing from Naegi's POV is really fun, so I hope you don't mind how often I do it. also if you care the background ships are Aoi x Sakura and Celeste x Kirigiri. I might add more but they don't really matter so if you don't ship it just ignore it. Thanks~
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter! As of right now its 198 kudos so thank you for almost 200?? That's crazy! Thank you!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was finally lunch! Ah, I can’t wait to hang out with him. God, I sound like Komaru. 
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

(Naegi POV)

It was finally lunch! Ah, I can’t wait to hang out with him.  _ God, I sound like Komaru.  _ Ishi had seemed a little sadder after we agreed on lunch, I can’t guess why. Of course Kyo and Celeste told Byaku and Aoi. So now they plan on watching us. I love them but sometimes they act more like overprotective parents than friends. I might “look like a child” but I’m not one!

I don’t get why Celeste is so mean to him. He’s a nice guy! He always offers to help and he’s super pretty! 

Aoi was so happy when she heard. Something about him having a rough time recently. I’ve been worrying about him for a while, especially after our talk last night. He just seemed so open but he still wouldn’t talk. He seemed really sad and I just wanted to hug him! 

Walking to the library I could see him pass through the opposite hallway. He looked so strong and powerful when he did. His boots made a satisfying thunk and he looked like a rock.  _ Maybe I could catch up with him before he finishes patrolling. Then we can walk to the library together! _

Running to catch up I see him turn another corner. Slowing down I come up behind him and move next to him. 

“Hey Ishi!” I say, smiling.

“AH! Oh, Naegi! You scared me.” He says, hand over his heart. 

“Heh, sorry. I was wondering if I could walk with you until you finish?”

“Wh-why on earth would you want to do that?”

“Because I like spending time with you, of course!” I answer, turning to face him with a grin. He looks confused and a little nervous.

“Y-you don’t have to do that. I know it’s a joke Naegi.” He seems really upset. He’s stopped moving and is standing still looking down at the ground. One of his hands is balled in a fist and the other is gripping his forearm like I had seen him do earlier. He was shaking ever so slightly and his red eyes were shining like he was about to cry.

“Wh-what are you talking about? Are you ok? Ishi, Ishi c’mon, talk to me.”

Looking over to me he scanned my face. He looked genuinely scared of me. He seemed very on edge. He was super tense and I really just wanted to hug him.

“I-I know it’s a j-joke. I Kn-know it’s a p-prank. Y-you, don’t have t-to lie to me.”

“What- what do you mean joke? Why would I lie to you?”

I could hear his breath catch as he started to cry.

“H-hey, let's move to the bathroom, yeah? We can talk there.”

Nodding he walked stiffly into the restroom with me. 

“Ok, what do you mean by a joke?”

“I know you w-wouldn’t want to be my f-f-friend.” He choked out a sob as he leaned against the wall and wiped his eyes. “I kn-know it’s a joke, I’ve b-been lied to b-before.”

“Wh- I would never do that to you! I want to be your friend Ishi!”

“B-but Lundenburg, a-and Kirigiri they were-”

“They were laughing at me… ‘cause I like you. A-and I wanted a chance to get to know you better a-and to be friends.”

“Y-you really w-want to be f-friends? With me?”

He looked up tentatively. His eyes were shining from the tears and he looked apprehensive. He was still shaking but he seemed hopeful. 

“Yeah! Y-you seem like a really nice guy and I’d like to be friends with you.”

“I- u-um…”

“I-I understand if you don’t want t-to but I’m pretty hungry right now. How about you? Wanna go get some food?”

“S-sure, th-that would be nice.”

I held out my hand to help him stand up. Looking me over he smiled tiredly and took it. I could feel my face heat up as he pulled himself off the wall. Walking out of the bathroom I could see home wiping his eyes. I couldn’t help but want to kiss his tears away and hold him close.  _ Gah! Now is not the time! _

Walking to the cafeteria he still hadn’t let go of my hand. There wasn’t anyone in the halls right now but it was still embarrassing.  _ This is going to be the death of me. _

\----

(Taka POV)

I don’t know what possessed me to take his hand but it was warm and I felt safe. He seemed to really mean it and something about how he said it made me want to trust him.  _ It's all an act. It's all a lie he’s got you fooled and it will be the death of you. GODDAMNIT GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT! _

**_Y-you’re right…_ **

_ So let go of his hand! _

“A-ah sorry!” He stuttered out as he dropped the smaller boy’s hand.

“It’s fine! I don’t mind.” Naegi replied, smiling up at him. They were walking close as they made their way to the cafeteria.

Naegi grabbed some curry and Taka grabbed an apple. 

“Is that all you’re going to eat?”

“I had a rather large breakfast.”

“Wow! You must eat really early!

“Y-yes, I suppose I do.”

“Y’know iThe gardens are really pretty right now. You want to eat in the gardens”

“If you would like to, I would be fine with eating there.”

“Great!” Walking into the elevator they rode up to the top floor. Naegi asking about him and Taka answering and asking about Naegi. It was nice, It felt just like how he thought having a friend would be.  _ Or how Daiki was? _

  
  


They found a bench by some exotic plants and sat down. It was nice in the garden, a little warm but it was peaceful and quiet. Naegi smiled at him before eating his food. Smiling softly back Taka bit into his apple.  _ All our hard work for nothing? It's almost like- _

“H-hey Ishi?”

“Yes, Naegi?”

“Y-you mentioned that you had been lied to before,” He was messing with the zipper of his hoodie. Looking up to meet Taka's gaze he finished, “What do you mean by that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is so self-indulgent so if you don't like it, sorry, that's just how it is. I may have a little bit of Naegi x Taka, but the endgame is ishimondo. I just love Taka a lot and I had to write some love for him! 
> 
> Also over 200 kudos??? How?? Some authors that I really respect and enjoy the works of have left kudos and I am blown away by that! Thanks so much for all the support and sweet comments!!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

(Mondo POV)

**_Where ‘s that stupid hall monitor when ya need ‘im?_ ** I was walking around looking for Ishimaru. I figured, with Chi’s help that I should apologize for yelling at him.  **_He should be in th’ halls right’? Maybe he’s eatin’ in th’ Library?_ **

Walking downstairs I look around but can’t find him.  **_Where th’ hell is he?_ ** Going back up I finally see him! And he’s… he’s.. holding Naegi’s hand…

I stop walking and lean my back against the wall.  **_Of fucking course. You’re so stupid thinking he would like you._ ** Pushing off the wall I glare at the back of Neagi’s head before walking off. 

**_Fuck this._ **

\---

(Naegi POV)

He looked down at the apple in his hand.    
  


“That, ah, I hope you don’t mind if I don’t talk? It is not a topic I am, uh, comfortable with. I understand if you are upset with me.”

He looked scared like I was going to be mad at him. Like I was going to hurt him. Reaching over I gently grab his hand. I can see the panic on his face as he tenses for a moment before relaxing.

“No, If you don’t wanna talk, that’s fine. I won’t force you to talk.”

I moved back into my seat and he nodded. 

Looking around I could see Aoi walking with Sakura. Seeing me She smiled and walked away from us, but I could see her peeking back to try and watch us. Sakura was smiling at her antics but didn’t look at us.

Turning I could see Ishimaru chewing his apple and looking down at it. He seemed pretty grossed out by it. 

“Is it bad?”

Turning to me he raised his eyebrows. 

“Is what bad?”

“The apple, you look like it tastes bad.”

“Oh, no! It’s fine. Apologies, I didn’t realize I was making such a face.”

Taking another bite he looked around. Following his gaze I glanced at the plants around us. What Kyo had said about it being pretty was right. A lot of them were in bloom thanks to the students who worked in the garden. 

The bench was seated under a willow tree, it felt right out of a story. Behind and around the bench there were pink and white roses. Most were in bloom, the sweet smell wafting through the air. There were other flowers on the other side of the path. The sign in front of us read  _ Camellia.  _ The ones planted were a light pink and white. It felt very romantic. 

Thin flowers were climbing up the side of the bench and trunk of the willow. A small sign read  _ Morning Glory.  _ They grew like vines but were very pretty.

Looking over at Ishi sitting at the other end of the bench I felt my face turn red. He looked just like he had last night. He was less tense and his shoulders and face seemed relaxed. He was looking over at the Camellias and smiling softly. 

“We should eat here more often, It’s very pretty.”

Nodding Ishi turned to look at me. He was still smiling and I wanted to lean over and kiss him.

“I would like that. It’s beautiful.”

“We could meet here again tomorrow if you like?”

“Yes, if you don’t mind, I would love to.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I said as I took another bite of my curry.

\---

(Same POV, now after school)

“KYO!”

Turning to look over from where she was chatting with Aoi and Celeste she waved and moved to make room for me to join them.

“Kyo! Thank you so much! I took Ishi to the gardens like you sad and it was SO nice!”

Laughing, she patted me on the head. She was smiling but something was off. She looked like she was forcing herself to be happy.

“I’m glad it was, Hina was just telling me about how you two were holding hands.”

“She was spying on us!” I say pointing at her as she giggled.

“I was walking with Sakura, you two were the ones out where anyone could see you.”

“How was your walk with Sakura?” Celeste asked. Turning Aoi told her everything that happened with starry eyes.

Turning to look over at Kyo she had the same troubled look. It was hard to tell quite what she was thinking but I was getting better at reading her.

“What's wrong, Kyo?” I asked her softly. 

“It’s nothing you need to concern yourself over, Makoto.”

“If you say so…”

\----

(Mondo POV, also after school)

**_I can’t fucking believe that loser got to ask ‘im before me! I didn’ even think ‘e liked boys! I need ta talk ta Chi abou’ this._ **

I was laying in my dorm. I had stormed in straight after class. Looking at Ishimaru just made me angry. 

Grabbing my phone from the table next to me I opened up my texts and typed a rushed message.

**Guess what i found out today**

His reply was instant. He was always fast to reply.

**What happend?**

**ishi is dating that brown haired loser**

**Naegi?**

**Yeah him**

**i didn’t think he liked ishi?**

**Well i guess he fucking does now**

**You ok?**

**Wanna come over and talk?**

**Yea**

Turning off my phone I rolled onto my back and sat up. Getting up, I grabbed my coat and put on my shoes. Tucking my phone into my pocket I left the room.  **_I shouldn’ be this upset about some I don’ know. What would Daiya think abou’ this? What would th’ gang say?_ **

Knocking on Chi’s door I could hear something crash and then he opened the door. He smiled sympathetically before letting me in.

I sat down on his bed and he sat in his chair. Scooting over to me he put a hand on my back.

“You ok? I know you liked him a lot.”

“You can’t like someone you don’ even know, Chi.”

“But you did know him, didn’t you? You always talked about him like you did.”

“Nah, I don’ think I did.”

He looked at me sadly and patted my back. Leaning over he pulled on my shoulder until I was leaning against him. Petting my hair he leaned his head on top of mine.

“Are you still going to be friends with him?”

Thinking back to the Ishimaru in the halls and then the Ishimaru I see at night I nodded.

“Yeah, I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few people commented how they kinda liked the Makoto x Taka but hoped Mondo didn't see. SO I had to do that, I've hinted it very lightly but there will be more angst coming! Also, I hope the Makoto POV is ok, I feel like I don't quite have his character dow, but I'll keep trying!
> 
> I promise there will be ishimondo in the end, but look up the flower meanings, in general they mean love and innocent love but the willow means sadness. Can you guess why?
> 
> If you liked please leave kudos or comments! They make my day and inspire me to keep going!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

(Mondo POV)

Tossing in bed I tried to get to sleep. Looking over at the clock it was only 12:04. **_No way Ishimaru ‘s gonna be up now. If he even shows up at all._** Rolling onto his back he looked up at the ceiling. Reaching over he grabbed his phone. Squinting at the light he unlocked it and started looking through his pictures.

There wasn’t a lot. Most were of my motorcycle or ones Chi had taken. Scrolling deeper I found the ones from years ago. I found one I had taken with Michi. We were sitting together with Daiya bending over behind us. He was smiling and had a hand on my shoulder.

Taking a deep breath in he turned off his phone and put it down beside him. Sitting up he looked around before standing up.  **_I need to do something._ ** Balling my hands I walk over to the desk. I hadn’t touched it since I moved it to the corner.  **_The fuck could I do? I’m not good at anything! FUCK! All I do is ruin everything!_ **

Looking around he grabbed his pencil and his pocket knife from its spot on the floor. Flipping it open he started sharpening the pencil. Taking a breath in he started to whittle it until it was sharp. He could feel the tightness in his lungs lessen as he continued to sharpen the pencil in calm repetitive motions.

It was something he picked up after one too many panic attacks. The simple motion gave him something else to focus on and something to do with his hands.

When he had finished he put the pencil and knife down on the desk and stood up. His back ached from sitting hunched over and his fingers were starting to cramp up. 

Looking over it was still only 12:23 but he was tired of waiting. Walking over to the door he opened it as quietly as possible. Glancing around he went downstairs and made his way into the kitchen.

Surprisingly Taka was already there he was smiling to himself softly as he stared at the kettle. His hair was even more messed up than usual and he was humming softly to himself. Reaching up he went to grab two cups but most were gone so the ones left were at the far back. Failing to get them, he glared at the cabinet. Turning to find the step stool he noticed me and smiled.

His smile turned guilty as he walked over to me. He was messing with one of his hoodie strings and he looked really fucking cute.

“I wanted to apologize for the other day. I should have informed you before I left you and Fujisaki.”

Shaking my head I walked over to where he was and grabbed two mugs from the back of the cabinet.

“Nah, ‘s fine. Sorry, I yelled at ya earlier.”

“Thank you.”

Grabbing the tea bags and honey I put them in the cups and leaned against the counter, facing him.

“So… why’re ya here so early?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” Looking down he laughed sadly. “It’s been a long day. Yourself?”

“Pretty much th’ same. ‘Ad a lot on my mind.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

Glancing over I saw him looking at me hopefully. 

“Sure”

\---

(Naegi POV, This is set before curfew. Don’t ask why it’s not in order, just go with it)

"Are you sure you like Ishimaru?" Kyo asked me as she paced around my room. I was sitting on my bed holding a pillow and watching her pace.

"Yeah, why?"

Stopping she Stared at me and frowned deeper before resuming her pacing.

"I just don't think he's right for you."

"Kyo, why?"

"I just don't!"

" I was the first to support you when you said you were pan! I supported you when you said you liked Celeste! Why can't you do the same for me?"

"Because I'm Just stating the truth Makoto."

"No, you're just being a jerk about it!"

She stopped pacing and glared at me from where I stood. 

"I am not. You are the one being a child."

"Why are you being like this, Kyo? I thought you'd be happy!"

"Well I'm not."

Glaring back at her I could feel tears forming in my eyes. We never fought! We are always supporting each other, **_she was practically my other sister, so why was she being so mean?_ **

“If you’re going to be like that you might as well leave!”

“Fine, I will.” She replied, Turning on her heel she stalked out of my room and slammed the door.

Sniffling I wiped my eyes and changed for bed.  **_I can’t believe her. Why wouldn’t she support me? Is she homophobic? No, shes gay too! Why is she acting like this then? Ugh I just want to hug someone… Maybe I could ask Ishi… No he’d never let me! But it can’t hurt to ask right? Wait, do I even have his number?_ **

Picking up my phone I scrolled through my contacts,  **_Nope, guess I don’t. Then… I can go to his dorm? Maybe he won’t mind!_ **

Slipping on my slippers I walked out of his room and down the hall. Checking the signs I found Ishi’s room. Knocking, I waited for him to open it.

I could hear shuffling and then the creak of his door opening. He was still in his uniform and when he saw me he seemed to relax before stiffening again.

“Naegi, Have you been crying?”

“Y-yeah, sorry to bother you but I was feeling l-lonely and, um, c-could I have a hug?”

Looking up at him he seemed to relax once more before opening his arms. Rushing forward I hugged him tightly. The fabric of his uniform was stiff and rough but he was very warm. After the shock had worn off he wrapped his arms around me. I could feel how strong he was as he tucked me under his chin. He seemed nervous.

Moving back a little bit I looked up with a small laugh. 

“S-sorry, I’m not used to getting hugs.” He said as he shifted in place.

**_Really? Why?_ **

“I couldn’t tell, it’s nice.”

I moved closer and let him wrap his arms around me again. His heartbeat was fast but steady. Pressing my ear against his chest I sighed. 

“Thanks, Ishi.”

“Anytime, Naegi.”

“You can call me Makoto if you want.

“Th-then you can call me Taka!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked for more Taka and Mondo interactions so I did this, I really need to get back to ishimondo! I got a lot of comments saying how they didn't realize Makoto and Taka was a sip but now they kinda like it, and a lot wanting ishimondo. Naeishi is pretty cute but I promise Ishimondo will come! I promise! 
> 
> Thank you sm for all the sweet comments though!


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self! **This has descriptions of death as well as bullying Skip if you don't want to read that ******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

“Would you like to talk about it?”

**_Why would I ask that? That was such a stupid thing to ask! Of course he doesn’t!_ ** _ Why would he want to spend more time here than he needs to! Just because Naegi pities you doesn’t mean he does! _

“Sure”

“Really? Y-you don’t have to if you do not wish to!”

He smiled and leaned against the counter as he took a sip of his tea. 

“Nah, ‘s fine. It’s probably good ta tell someone. Ya don’ mind listenin’?”

“No, Of course not!”

Taking a breath in he looked up at the ceiling.

“Ya gonna hate me. Fuck, I hate me for it.” He put the mug down and slid down to the floor. Rubbing a hand over his face he took a deep breath before continuing. 

“Ya know how I have my gang, righ’?”

Nodding, Taka sat down across from him. Listening to everything he said while holding his mug.

“Couple o’ years ago my big bro, ‘e was th’ one who started th’ gang, was gonna have me take it over. I was so pumped. This was everythin’ I’d been wanting’! ‘e was gonna start a car shop or somethin’ like that and ‘e said I should take care o’ the gang for a bit.”

Leaning in Taka could see uncertainty in the biker’s eyes. He seemed nervous and he was clearly forcing himself to say it.

“Tha’ nigh’ we had a party ta celebrate. Everyone showed up an’ it was real fun. ‘Til I started ta doubt ‘is choice.” Taking in a shuddering breath he gripped his pants in his hands. His breathing was uneven but he didn’t stop.

“I didn’ wan’ anyone questionin’ me bein’ in charge, so I challenged ‘im to a street race. ‘E I almos’ died. Th-there was a truck an’ then-” His voice was cracking and he had tears streaming from his face as he started to shake. “ ‘e pushed me outta th’ way. ‘E got hit by that truck ‘cause o’ me. I- I can’t forgive myself f-for that! I can’ be called a man after that!”

Staring at him Taka reached his hand out before bringing it back to his chest. He had tears rolling down his face now too. 

“O-Oowada, th-that’s not your f-fault. He died to s-save you, you cannot be blamed for that!”

“But it was my dumbass that challenged ‘im! That swerved in front o’ that truck!”

“You cannot blame yourself for something he did! It was a horrible tragedy that your brother died, but it was not your fault! Surely the other must-have told you as much!”

Looking up he shook his head. “They don’ know. They would hate me if they knew. I can’ tell ‘em!”

Putting the mug down beside him he moved so he was next to Oowada. He reached his arm over the taller’s shoulders. 

“You need to talk to someone about this. It’s not healthy to keep this inside!”

Sniffling they sat in silence while Oowada calmed down. Taking in a shaky breath he turned to the smaller.

“Y-yeah,” He nodded. “what abou’ you? Ya got anythin’ ya need ta say?”

“Nothing that even compares to you!”

“Doesn’ matter. Is still important.”

“I suppose. Do you know anything about the former prime ministers?”

“Nah, why?”

“My grandfather was one of them. He graduated from here, actually. He was a prodigy, a  _ genius _ . He rose to power very quickly.”

“So ya livin’ in ‘si shadow or somethin’?”

“Ah, not exactly. He rose quickly and made a few, rather large, mistakes. He was shamed and shunned. He fell and was left deep in debt. He never tried and had nowhere left to go after that. He ended up living with us for a while until he died a couple years back.”

Looking over he saw Oowada was staring at him. 

“We are still paying that debt off. It is the cause of a lot of stress for my father and I. As well as a reason for hate from our neighbors. I’ve always found it weirdly poetic, someone rising so quickly only to fall immediately. That’s why geniuses should be ashamed! No work will get you nowhere!”

“I- I didn’ know. I always though’ you were like, rich.”

“Ahahahaha! Yes, not many people connect the dots. His mistakes hurt the less fortunate communities a lot harder and so where I live it’s well known. Here, however it is not as discussed.”

“Shit, I’m sorry that’s awful.”

“It is nothing for you to apologize about! Karma will always come back.”

“Yeah, but you don’ deserve that, y’know? Ya don’ deserve somethin’ yer grandad did.”

**_I do, if you knew me you would know I do I deserve everything._ **

“I suppose, but it’s up to me to reclaim the family name! I shall do everything in my power to become prime minister and end the debt for rupture generations! What about you?” He asked turning to Oowada.

“Me?”

“Yes! What are your goals?”

“I uh, I kinda wanted ta do carpentry. It sounds lame, but I like th’ idea o’ making something.”

“That is an excellent goal, Oowada!”

“Ya can call me mondo, we’re bros now righ’?”

“B-bros? I-I thought you liked me?”

He turned red and stuttered out “Wh-who told you?”

“You seemed to? We were talking and bonding, correct? I assumed you enjoyed my company?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“B-but you said-”

“That jus’ means we’re close, y'know?”

“O-oh I apologize, I have rather negative connotations with that word.”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“The only time I have been referred to as that was as a joke. A boy pretended to be my friend so that others would know my secrets and such. I was too trusting, I suppose. I should have been more prepared.”

Looking over Oowa- Mondo gave him a weird look.

“Ya know i’s not ya fault right? They were the assholes.”

“Mmm, I suppose. I still should have handled it better.”

Reaching over Mondo wrapped an arm around Taka’s shoulder and squeezed. 

“Well, ya got me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I almost cried writing about Mondo but I'm really proud of this chapter! I thought I'd have to do Naegi POV to get to 1k but I did it in one scene! I hope you liked it because I did. Bonding and fluff are super fun to write so I think it tuned out great!
> 
> Sorry if I didn't reply to your comments, I did read them and they meant so much to me! Thank you so much!


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could feel my eyes watering after he said that. **Does he mean that? **He was smiling at me and looked so happy.****
> 
> ****Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

(Taka POV, but it’s first person)

I could feel my eyes watering after he said that.  **_Does he mean that?_ ** He was smiling at me and looked so happy. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let go. I hadn’t really looked at it but his hair was down and it looked really soft. It was curly and bouncy. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and kiss his forehead.  _ What? No! No, No, that's NOT what you want to do. Nope, You are straight, remember?  _

**_Right, right._ **

Leaning against him I could feel him shift so we were both more comfortable. He was really warm. I could almost feel the tiredness rushing up as my eyes started to close. Why was I so tired? He was so warm…  **_I am pretty sleepy. Maybe I could just close… my… eyes…_ **

\---

(Mondo POV)

God, he looked so happy when I said that. His eyes practically sparkling. Fuck, I wanted to pull him in my lap and make him laugh. He leaned against me, he had put his tea down and was putting most of his weight, which was not nearly as much as I had assumed one me. Shifting I tried to make him more comfortable.

I could see him give me a sleepy smile as his eyes drooped shut. His head started to slump towards my shoulder. I could feel his body slip as he fell asleep. **_Cute, Wait- no. Not cute! He’s a bro, just a bro._ **

Looking over at the clock I realized it was 2:34 am. We usually headed back to our rooms at 2-ish. Looking over he looked so happy.  **_Do I really have to wake ‘im up? Can’t I jus’ carry ‘im? wait- I could do that._ **

I moved him so he was leaning back against the cabinets. He frowned when I got up and I just wanted to hold him close until he smiled again.  **_NO! JUST. A. BRO._ **

Standing up I grabbed our mugs and put them in the sink. Turning back I bent down and picked him up. He was really light.  **_Is he eating enough?_ ** I moved him so he was in my arms bridal style and started walking towards the doors. He curled in so he was resting against me. I could feel my face grow warm as I walked into the elevator.

Pressing the button I stood back. It was kinda awkward having him in my arms and I realized I had no way of getting him into his room.  **_Maybe it’s unlocked?_ ** I could hear the elevator doors open and was greeted by Kirigiri standing in her pajamas. 

“He, uh, he fell asleep.”

“So you carried him?” She asked with her eyebrow raised.

“He looked real tired?”

Pursing her lips she moved out of the way so I could walk past her. She shook her head before walking into the elevator. I watched the doors close before walking over to Ishimaru’s door. 

Grabbing the doorknob I held my breath as I turned it and… It opened!  **_Yes!_ ** Walking inside I placed him on the bed. Standing back up I looked around. There were a lot of papers taped to the walls with formulas and charts.  **_I should go, this is weird._ ** Nodding to myself I walked out and closed the door. Checking the hall I walked down to my room and went to sleep.

\---

(Kirigiri POV)

Kyoko paced in her room, thinking.  **_Why did Makoto have to take that the wrong way? I was trying to help!_ ** Frowning deeper he looked over to her desk. The note was sitting there innocently, as though it hadn’t just caused the first big fight between her and Makoto.

It was upsetting. She wasn’t one to care about small things but he had seemed very upset. He was usually very forgiving.  **_Why am I the one Togami had told? I’m useless in this situation._ ** It was frustrating to not be able to do anything. 

Sighing, she slipped her shoes and gloves on before walking over to the elevator. Pressing the button she leaned back on her heels. Hearing the ding she moved her attention back to the elevators. 

She was surprised to see Oowada standing there. Ishimaru curled up in his arms. He seemed equally surprised to see her standing there.  **_Well, That complicates this even further._ **

“He, uh, he fell asleep.” He looked sheepish. His face was pink as the boy in his arms sighed and moved even closer to Oowada.

“So you carried him?” She asked, raising her eyebrows.

“He looked real tired?” Pursing her lips she let them move past her as she shook her head.  **_This whole ordeal is such a headache._ ** Pressing the button she watched the doors close, leaving the two boys alone. 

Reaching into her pocket she grabbed a hair tie and walked towards the kitchen. Tying her hair up she got a glass of water.  **_This would require some thinking._ **

Walking over to a table she thought back to when this had all started. 

_ She had been looking over old case files when she heard the doorbell ring. Turning she saw a piece of paper being slipped under her door.  _

_ Walking over she picked it up and unfolded it. It had the Togami crest and was requesting her to talk with him. Folding it back up, she put it on her desk before leaving her room and walking to Togami’s. He was standing next to the door and nodded when she came up to him. Opening the door she followed him inside. _

_ “I have a question for you. Regarding you and Ms. Ludenberg.” _

_ “What about it?” _

_ He cleared his throat and looked away. _

_ “How did you two come to the agreement you have?” _

_ “Are you asking how we got together?” _

_ “...I suppose.” _

_ “I told her how I felt and she reciprocated.” _

_ “Thank you, that will be all.” _

_ “Who is it?” _

_ “I told you that I require you no longer.” He said looking at her pointedly. He was slightly pink. _

_ “I am aware, I asked who it was.” _

_ “...Makoto.” _

_ “Oh…” _

_ “I have answered your question. Now leave my room.” _

_ “I can help you if you like.” _

_ He looked her over before nodding. _

_ “Perhaps you might be able to help me further.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kirigiri is hard to write, but I think it turned out ok. We're getting the plot really going now and I' happy about that. I hope you liked this, all your comments were so sweet and they made me really happy!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

(Naegi POV)

When I woke up I remembered it was Saturday and immediately lied back down. My smile turned into a frown as I sat up.  **_I forgot about my argument with Kyo…_ ** Standing up I went to my closet and grabbed my shirt. Grabbing that and a pair of pants I quickly got ready and grabbed my hoodie as I went downstairs.

**_We were going to get coffee and study today, weren’t we? Hmm, maybe I could ask Taka to come! He would probably be able to help right? I bet he’d look cute in everyday clothes. Would he even wear those?_ **

Walking into the kitchen Taka was sitting at a table eating an orange. Waving I smiled and stood behind the chair across from him.

“Is this seat taken?” I asked. He shook his head, he still seemed nervous.

Sitting down I leaned on the table. He was dressed in his uniform just like every day. 

“Hey, so I was wondering if you wanted to go to this new cafe that opened with me?” I asked leaning forward on my elbows. 

“Oh, um, I would but I’m afraid I would not be able to pay for it. I, uh, Sent my money back to my father.”

“I’ll pay! Plus I need to catch up on my studying and you're a great study partner.”

“I wouldn’t want to burden you with that.” He said.

“If you don’t want to it’s fine. I just liked spending time with you yesterday.”

“I- I guess if you would like I could go. I don’t have anything to do anyway…”

“What’s wrong? You look upset.”

“No, not really. When were you planning on going?”

"Maybe in a couple hours? I was thinking that we could get something there and study. I don't really have anything to do today, so we could hang out after?"

"That sounds good. Thank you for inviting me."

"Great! I'll see you then, Taka!"

Walking off I couldn't help but smile.  **_He said yes!_ **

\--

(mondo POV)

"Chi, I fucked up."

Looking up from his tablet he stared at me. 

"How? I just saw you, like, 10 hours ago!"

"So, me an' Ishi sometimes have tea at night, righ'?-"

"You what?"

"doesn' matter- Anyway, I saw 'im las' night an' we talked a lot. He tol' me abou' 'imself an' I tol' 'im abou' me. Then 'e fell asleep on my shoulder, an' I think I like 'im even more now."

"Mondo, Just yesterday you said you would be friends with him, but nothing more because he is dating Naegi. What happened?"

"I said I think 'e is datin' Naegi."

"Did you ask him?"

"...No..."

"Mondo you dumbass! You should've asked him!"

"Keep ya voice down, I know. I'll ask 'im later."

Shaking his head he turned back to the tablet. There was a picture of that girl from the class above us. 

"What's with you an' that girl? Ya like her or somthin'?"

"mm, no I don't think I really like people in that way, y'know? She has experience in programming games and she's really nice. I wanted to use her for an example of my AI."

Nodding I turned back to my food. The comfortable silence didn't last long before Leon came running over to the table.

\--

(Kirigiri POV)

Looking at my phone I saw the reminder I had set a few days ago when I promised Makoto I would study with him. I dismissed it, He probably wouldn't be interested in doing that today. Getting dressed I glanced around my room.  **_Why did I have to say it like that? Maybe I should work on my conversation skills. I'll think more about it at a later time._ **

Moving to the mirror I started to do the small braid in the front of my hair. Tying it off with my small bow I stepped out of the room.

Celeste was standing outside of my door with a small smile. We walked over to the elevator as she talked about her cat. It was strange, how much she loved it. She spoke of it in higher regard than her family. 

When we stepped out Yamada was waiting for her. She asked him to make her morning tea while I glared at him. 

"Why do you deal with him?"

"I like being waited on," SHe said clasping her hands together before turning to look over at me. A look of realization passed over her before she covered her mouth and giggled. 

"Oh dear, you aren't jealous of Hifumi, are you?"

"No, of course not that would be ridiculous."

She smiled knowingly as we walked into the cafeteria.

"Oh, I know."

I sat down across from where Togami was sitting. Celeste Taking the spot next to me.

"Where is Fukawa? She usually follows you, does she not?" She asked Togami. 

Glancing up from his book he looked us over before resuming his reading.

"She recently made a new friend. She seems to have taken to her. Frankly, I am rather relieved."

Celeste looked back at him and raised her eyebrows. 

"She has a girlfriend? Who is it, pray tell?"

"Makoto's younger sister, I believe. They have been texting quite often. She is finally done chasing after me."

Walking over, Hifumi gave Celeste her tea before leaving. 

Looking up Togami's face soured before he looked back down at his book pointedly. Glancing behind me I saw Makoto sitting down across from Ishimaru.

Celeste noticed as well, taking a thoughtful sip of her tea.

"I did not take you for the type to like someone like that. I suppose you really are full of surprises."

He didn't reply, only stiffening and ignoring her.

Looking back over Naegi had left the table and was getting breakfast. He walked over to our table and sat down once he had. Togami stayed tense as Naegi greeted everyone. 

"Hey, guys!"

"Hello, Naegi." 

"Good morning Makoto," I said at the same time as Togami. 

"Hey, Byakuya! How did you sleep?"

"I was fine, of course with my amazing bed anyone would."

"Ahaha, I always forget you had them bring that!"

As they talked I noticed how Togami's mouth twitched up in a way that was almost a smile. He looked rather happy watching Makoto go on about whatever he was talking about. Celeste looked over at me knowingly.  **_He really liked Makoto, didn't he?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate writing from Kirigiri POV, I have no idea how to do it. But thank you all so much for the support! Your comments are the best!
> 
> **30 chapters! **That was my goal, like 20 chapters ago and now, I'm w[probably gonna write another 10! I'm sorry if you feel like I'm dragging this out but I'm having fun and I hope you're enjoying it!****
> 
> ****And add Tokomaru to the list of background ships because I love them.** **


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Chi, I know you want me ta get with 'im, but I saw him holdin' Naegi's hand."
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

(Mondo POV)

“Ok, so we don’t know if Ishi is in a relationship-”

“Chi, I know you want me ta get with 'im, but I saw him holdin' Naegi's hand."

"so? I did that with my friends in middle school."

"Yeah, but ya were a girl back then."

"That may be true, but they could still just be friends. Ishi doesn't seem like the type to rush into a relationship."

"Maybe they had this planned for a bit?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose. Chi had been insisting that he try and help me get with Ishi.  **_Which is stupid because he's datin' that other nerd._ **

"We should ask Leon. He always hears about that stuff from Sayaka, right?"

"He'd ask why an' I don' know if I should tell 'im yet."

"Mondo, He'd be happy for you. He'll probably just make fun of your crush and try to embarrass you. He's not gonna be against that or anything."

I looked over to where he was talking with Maizono.  **_He probably would be fine with it, right? 'e was fine when that vampire chic and purple-haired chic got together, right?_ **

"Ya right, Let's ask 'im" 

Nodding Chi stood up and walked over to Leon's table. They talked for a sec before they started to walk over here. Chi looked happy and Leon just looked a bit confused.

"What'd you need me for?"

"Did Sayaka say anything about anyone dating? Mondo thinks someone might be."

"Nah, I don't think so. Why do you care? You never care about that stuff." He said looking over at me. "Wait! You like someone! You wanna know if they're dating or not! Who's the girl?"

"Doesn' matter, she didn' mention anyone?"

"Bro, just tell me. I'm not gonna say anything to her. I promise!"

"'s not a 'her'," I grumbled out looking away. "I's Hardass."

"Him? Of all the guys?" He asked, pulling a face before shrugging and leaning on his elbow. "Whatever floats your boat, man, I just don't think he's datable."

"Hey! He's plenty 'datable'!" I said pointing at Leon.

Laughing he put his hands up in mock surrender. "Sure man, whatever you say."

"Leon! You can help me get them together!" CHi said leaning over the table towards him. "Mondo says Naegi is dating Ishi but I don't think so."

"More than one person liking the freak? No way."

"You shut yer trap! He's plenty likable!"

\----

(celeste POV)

Looking Togami over it was almost sad to see. He was holding himself together nicely but it was clear to see the cracks. I peered at him over the top of my glass as I talked with Kyoko. He was looking at Naegi like he was the world. He was smiling slightly and his eyes practically had hertz in them.  **_DIsgusting._ ** I could see Kyoko watching them as well. It was truly a tragedy, what a classic troupe too. Putting the cup down I turned back to Kyoko while still watching from the corner of my eye.

“Rather sad isn’t it?”

She glanced over before giving me a tight-lipped smile and nodding sadly.

“It is, I promised I’d help but I don’t quite know how.”

“I don’t doubt you can, dear, but you might want to let Togami do it on his own. At the end of the game, Naegi will need him.”

Looking me over she nodded slowly.

“I suppose, I feel bad. I don’t think Ishimaru reciprocates as much as Naegi believes.”

Picking up my tea I reached over and patted her hand. 

“Don’t worry yourself over it too much, dear. You don’t want to get wrinkles.” I told her in a soft voice. Standing up I kissed her cheek before dropping my cup and plate in the sink. Walking back over she had turned pink, but was smiling at me.

Naegi was asking Togami about his book when Hina dropped into the seat next to the brown-haired boy.

She started talking animatedly to Naegi and Togami about her new swimming routine. With Naegi listening and replying just as animatedly. Togami seemed to move back. He had been far less active within the group lately.  **_It’s like the stages of grief, I suppose he is mourning in his own way. What was the first step? Isolation and denial? Fits well, I suppose._ **

He had moved the book so that it was covering most of his face. It was clear that he was much sadder than before. It felt like watching Romeo and Juliet, you know it will end horribly and yet you still hope it doesn’t. 

It was clear that the Hall monitor had no idea what was coming and it was almost poetic. Everyone trying to get their happy end but only so many would end up with one. I always loved romantic Tragedies. Taeko had always been a fan. 

Sighing I leaned against Kyoko and watched Hina talk.

\---

(Togami POV)

I could see Kirigiri and Ludenburg talking while I listened to Naegi. I could see the pity in their eyes. I hated it. I did not need their  _ pity.  _ I am the heir to the Togami company and I will not be taken down by a petty crush!

Unfortunately Makoto was making it rather difficult. The way his eyes shone as he told me about his planned trip with his family. The way that he moved his hands and hair moved as he waved his arms as he spoke.

**_No! I will not succumb to something as low as a schoolgirl crush on a peasant! Even if it is a rather pretty peasant._ **

Aoi sat down just as he finished. He turned to her and they started to talk together. I scooted over. I should not get close, or attached. I am better alone after all. I should just keep my distance and stay away. It will all be easier in the end.

Just suck it up and push it down. Nothing new, just repress it. Imagine the reaction if I did like him! I just need to get over him, perhaps I should ask Fukawa out. SHe is a… fine woman I suppose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: OK, naegmi is a background ship. We need to focus on the ship everyone has been waiting for  
> Also me: HAHAHAHAHHA ANGST TIME
> 
> Thank you guys so much for all the sweet comments, they really do mean the world to me. All the new people who keep commenting really make me happy and I just wanted to say thank you! Writing Celeste is so much fun, so I hope I did her character well!


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I watched Naegi stand up and walk over to the table with Kirigiri and Togami. Why would he invite me?
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

I watched Naegi stand up and walk over to the table with Kirigiri and Togami.  **_Why would he invite me?_ ** _ Did you hear him? He wants you to teach him. He’s only using you to get better grades. Once he’s better than you you’ll be thrown away. He’s using you as a stepping stone.  _

Looking down he picked another piece off the orange in front of him.  _ That's quite a bit, you know. You don’t really want to eat the whole thing, right? You don’t want to be even uglier than you are, do you? _

Standing up he grabbed the orange and threw the rest away as he walked out.  **_I should call father. Even if he does not wish to see me I can at least make sure his health is improving._ ** _ What an annoyance, I wouldn’t want to have to deal with you either. I mean he told you only a couple of days ago he didn’t want to see you and you’re already ignoring his wishes! You are a horrible son. _

Walking over to the elevator he pressed the button for his floor. He had been feeling more tired lately. Walking over to his room he unlocked it and pushed in.  _ I hate it here. God, you are the worst. What the fuck are you even ding anymore? It's so boring here, like, do you have any style? Ugh, I don’t blame Naegi for tricking you. You're a sucker for that kind of thing. You still need those graphs on the walls? You still have those letters? You’re such a loser. Why do you have this crap? Having her letters won’t bring her back or make you happy.  _

Looking around it was a rather plain room. He had A small stack of letters on his bedside table and a few papers with formulas and a graph for the payment plan taped above his desk. He had the desk and chair pushed against the wall opposite the door. The shelf and table that had been in the room were on the right side and his bed on the left, tucked into the corner.

The white sheets were folded neatly on top of the bed. It didn’t look like anyone occupied the room except for the aforementioned papers. Walking over he sat on the edge of his bed and took a deep breath. The walls were a pinkish red with faint designs on them. They were the only thing that gave the room any color. 

It was similar to his room at home. It was bigger, almost twice as much space here than at home, but it was just as empty. It felt emptier knowing what was in other rooms. At home, he had one or two small things leftover from when they had lived in luxury. Even though it was bare, so was the rest of the house. It didn’t feel out of place. Here everyone had filled their rooms with pieces of themselves. They had made it their own. 

He had seen them bringing in their luggage, so many boxes as they excitedly described how they would set things up. It made him and his single suitcase feel even smaller than he already did.

Standing up he walked over to his closet.  _ Maybe wear something other than your stupidass uniform. You look like a prick. _

He furrowed his brows but shrugged off his white jacket anyway. He was wearing a white t-shirt underneath. He hung it up and started to go through his clothes. Finally, he found the slightly-too-big dark jeans from his father. 

Slipping them on he looked down.  _ You even manage to ruin such a simple outfit? Well, at least you look normal for once. _

Walking over to his desk he pulled out the textbooks he thought they might need and shoved them into his bag. Standing back up, he checked his watch. Naegi had said a couple of hours, so he still had a while to go… 

Stretching he sat down at his desk and pulled out a piece of paper. Sketching out some boxes he started to make a small schedule for their studying.  _ This is just another reason why everyone hates you. Get a life, for fuck’s sake! You're so goddamn boring! Even your grandfather was better liked than you! _

Tightening his grip on his pencil he continued to finish his planning.  **_How long would they be there?_ ** _ Probably the least amount of time he can spend with you. _

Sighing, he made the time slot for an hour and started to write things in.  _ You finally make a friend and then you start to ruin it by overthinking. This is why you suck. You can’t just take things as they happen.  _

\---

After finishing his plan Taka had lied down to relax for a bit. It had been a while until he heard the doorbell ring. Sitting up he looked around. Recognizing the sound he walked to the door and opened it.

“Hey Taka! Are you ready to go?” Naegi was standing there in his usual hoodie and a light grey shirt with jeans. 

“Give me a moment to get my boots on.” 

The shorter boy nodded, rocking on his heels as he waited outside the door. Turning around he sat down on his chair and tugged his boots on. Tying them quickly he stepped back over to where Naegi stood. Smiling the brown-haired boy started off towards the elevator with Taka in tow.

“So, how’ve you been?” The ultimate hope asked with a smile.

_ Lie, he doesn’t really care. He just needs a conversation to start! _

“I’ve been well, yourself?”

“I’ve been pretty good! I get to visit my family next week!”

They continued to make small talk as they walked to a small cafe nearby. It was a small building with a warm and inviting atmosphere. 

“What do you want? I’ll go and order.”

“Um..”  _ Pick something cheap you asshole! DOn’t make him waste his time on you!  _ “T-tea is fine, thank you.”

“Alright! Can you get us a table?” 

Nodding Taka walked off to find a small group of soft chairs in the corner. Sitting down he took out the books. It was calm in here. The smell of baked bread was faint but distinct. He took out his notebook and opened it to a blank page. Taking out his pencils he waited for Naegi to return.

When he did with two mugs he sat opposite of taka. Handing him his drink as well as pointing him to the counter with all kinds of milk and sugar. Taking a sip I grimaced at the heat. 

Motioning to the books we started to study. We got past a couple assignments before Naegi Took a sip of his (very sugary looking) drink, putting it down he started to mess with his hands. Before looking up at me and smiling nervously.

“Hey, Taka?”

Looking up at him I replied, “Yes?”

“There’s something I need to tell you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to a comment I got (I actually mean, that it was really helpful) I realized I've been trying out so many POVs that I kinda forgot about Taka's angst. Sorry about that! Hopefully, this chapter was good!
> 
> Thanks so much for all the sweet comments and Just wanna say **Welcome, to all of my new readers! and welcome back to my older readers! ******


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There’s something I need to tell you…”
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

“There’s something I need to tell you…”

Makoto was fidgeting and shifting in his chair. Putting his notebook down, Taka sat up and tilted his head as he looked at the brown-haired boy. The ultimate hope was slightly pink, and he looked conflicted. 

"Yes, Makoto?" The boy in question turned even redder at the use of his given name. Clearing his throat he squeaked out;

"Would you like to, maybe..." Taking in a deep breath he let it out. He seemed to deflate as he looked up from his hands. "Help me study more? You're really smart and I'm learning a lot!"

"Yes of course! Anything to help a fellow student on their educational crusade!"

The smaller smiled but it was tight and didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Thanks, you're really admirable Taka.”

He looked back down at the paper he was writing on. As he turned the paper to check with Taka, he seemed off. 

“Is there something else you wish to say, Makoto?”

“Ah! No, sorry I just have something on my mind.”

Again he smiled in a way that didn’t seem genuine. Brushing it off, Taka showed him what he had done wrong.

Once they had finished most of Makoto’s assignments they packed up and left the cafe. As they walked Makoto pointed out a small park. 

“Wanna walk around for a bit?” He said, his voice was hopeful and somewhat strained. 

Nodding, Taka followed him into the park. They walked around, with Makoto pointing out any flowers he knew. It was a nice day out. The flowers smelled nice and it was rather sunny. 

Looking over he saw Makoto staring at him with an expression he couldn’t quite place. It was neither happy nor sad. He looked almost pained but also overjoyed. His eyes widened when he realized Taka was looking back and he blushed as he looked down. 

He had been acting strange. Even someone like him could see that.  _ What, ya mean a stupid idiot with no social sense? _ Leaning forward slightly, he looked at the brunet. 

“Are you feeling well? You seem to be in pain.”

It did look like he was in pain. His fingers twitched, before he closed them into a fist. His face was pink and he was looking resolutely down. He looked up and let out a deep breath that seemed to tire him. He seemed tired and when he looked at Taka his smile was more of a grimace.

“No, I-I’m fine. Sorry I’ve just been thinking of Ky- Kirigiri.”

“Ah yes, you two are rather close, or am I wrong in that assumption?”

“Yeah we are, but we got in a fight.” They kept walking, but Makoto was firmly looking at the ground. It was clear that he was torn up over the fight.  _ Yeah no shit. People usually get sad when they fight with friends, not that you’d know since you don’t have any. _

“Do you wish to talk about it?”

“Nah, It’s not really a huge thing.”

“It seems like it is troubling you, I would not mind listening. That is what friends do, correct?”

“Yeah, It is. I don’t know, she just seemed mad about who I like. Which was annoying ‘cause I supported her and Celeste as soon as I found out!”

“Mm, I can see how that would be frustrating,” Taka replied nodding. There was a small fountain with a circle of benches around it in the middle of the park. They sat down at one as Makoto sighed. Leaning back, Makoto looked up. Looking around Taka noticed the only other people were two boys who were also sitting on a bench. One was pointing at the clouds while the other rested his head on the white-haired boy's shoulder. They seemed very happy. With a jolt, he noticed the joined hands.  **_They must be on a date._ **

The brown-haired boy took out his phone and said something to the other. They stood up and walked around the fountain on their way to the exit. Leaning into the brunet the white-haired boy gestured at him and Makoto before saying to his partner, 

“Look how cute they are!”

Looking over he could feel his face heat up.  **_DId they really look like a couple?_ **

\----

(Celeste POV)

I was sitting on Kyo’s bed while watching her pace. She kept her room very tidy and organized, and it was always nice to be here. From my spot against the headboard I watched as she muttered to herself. She was so worked up over Naegi and Togami. It would have been amusing except that I wanted to spend time with my girlfriend.

“Kyo, dear, why do you care so much about this? Aren’t there more important and interesting things to worry about?”

She stopped where she was and looked over at me. 

“What things?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Curling my hair around my finger, I smiled at her. 

“Me, of course.”

Shaking her head she walked around to the other side of her bed. 

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just worried about Makoto. I really think Togami would be good for him, but he’s chasing after that hall monitor.”

“Yes, I know. I do wonder, however, if that is really any of your concern. It is for Togami to say, and him to act upon, no?”

“It is, but I’m more worried for Makoto’s sake than for Togami’s. I don’t think Ishimaru reciprocates the way Makoto would like.”

“Dear, being hurt is human nature. Besides, you worrying about him is why no one believes your a lesbian.”

Rolling her eyes she leaned against me.    
  


“I just don’t want him to be upset, you know? He doesn’t fall for people easily.”

“As much as you try to make it, it is not your place to stop him. He is his own person, my dear.”

Nodding she moved so her head was in my lap. She looked up at me for a moment before meeting my gaze and smirking, challengingly.

“Wanna play chess?”

Smiling back she sat up and brought the board over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah! you though Makoto would confess! So did I... but no! I realized that 3 days is way too short and I have no clue how confessions bc I don't human well.
> 
> Also, It's my HC that Kiri doesn't really know how friends work so she really doesn't wanna mess up and that leads to her being overprotective. 
> 
> Writing Kiri is hard, she doesn't show much but I need her too and I feel like she's OOC, but you tell me.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was sitting on my bed with Sakura. I've been trying to perfect my donut recipes, and she has been helping me.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

(Aoi POV)

“These are delicious, thank you Asahina.”

“Aww, thanks! I’m glad you like ‘em!”

I was sitting on my bed with Sakura. I've been trying to perfect my donut recipes, and she has been helping me. Today I tried to make jelly-filled, I think they turned out well.

She looked really pretty, she was sitting across from me and carefully eating. I could feel my face heating up. I felt my phone buzz from next to me. Picking it up I read the new message I had.

**Naegi Makoto**

_Hey Hina, can I come over?? Are you busy rn?_

“Hey, Sakura?”

“Yes, dear?”

_Gah! I always blush when she calls me that!_

“Do you mind if Naegi comes over? He just texted.”

““Of course not, But why does he need you?”

Shrugging, I shifted where I sat. “I dunno, He didn’t say.”

Texting back I waited for him to show up. When I finally heard the doorbell ring, I opened it to find him red-faced and out of breath. I Moved out of the way, and he nodded as he walked past me. 

“Oh! Hey, Oogami. I didn’t realize you’d be here!” He said as he waved to her.

“Is my being here an issue? I can leave if you would like.” She asked, raising her eyebrow.

Putting his hands up, he shook his head with a smile. “Nah, you’re fine!”

Nodding, she relaxed against the headboard as I sat down next to her. Naegi sat on the chair across from us.

“What happened to your hoodie? You usually wear it whenever you go anywhere.” 

Looking at him, I nodded, “Yeah, It’s like, super important, right?”

“um...I let Taka wear it. He was cold, and I thought it would be nice.”

“Oooh! Who’s ‘Taka’? Did you go on a date?” I asked, leaning towards him, excitedly.

“I believe he is talking about Ishimaru. ‘Taka’ would be a nickname, correct?”

“Mhm, I went out with Taka, and he helped me with my classes, and I almost confessed to him!" He covered his face with his hands. “You’re good at this stuff, right Hina? Please help!” He said, as he looked back up at me.

“Wait, was it a date or not? ‘Cause I don’t know how you can turn Ishimaru into Taka unless it was his given name!” I said as I moved so I was laying down, facing him.

“Um, He said I could call him that. He c-calls me Makoto, but it wasn’t a date I swear!”

“So, you like him and wish to become close?” Sakura said. She had picked up her tea and was calmly sipping it.

“Um, basically, yeah.” He said as he fidgeted.

I grabbed my pillow and used it to prop myself up. 

“Of course I’ll help! Oh, and Sakura can help too! She’s really good at giving advice, we’ll help you get with Ishi!”

Nodding, Sakura agreed. “I would be willing to help you if you wish.”

Smiling nervously, he leaned back. “Thanks, guys, I really don’t know what to do.”

\----

(Kyoko POV)

Smirking, Celeste moved her final piece.

“I do believe that would be checkmate.”

“It would appear so.”

Laughing, she leaned back and smiled at me knowingly.

“Your fault for challenging the ultimate gambler, my dear. You should have known better.”

“Perhaps, but I enjoy spending the time with you.”

I could see her face turning pink as I packed up the board and pieces. 

“I’ll go get us some tea.”

Standing up I walked out the door and to the elevator. As I stepped out I saw Makoto walking through the door with Ishimaru, Wearing his sweatshirt? He never let anyone wear it! He had like 3 of them and would always wear one. 

She quickly walked into the kitchen but kept watching. Ishimaru was smiling, and Makoto seemed nervous. The doors closed, and she turned around to see Togami. He was looking at the elevator with a strong glare. Shaking his head, he turned back to making his coffee.

His face stayed contorted as though he had smelled something offensive. I turned back to the mugs as I readied the tea. _Why am I so concerned about Togami? He is an asshole. And my friend._

Straightening my shoulders, I let my face fall into something unreadable and finished making our tea before standing and walking swiftly into the elevator.

Unfortunately, Togami seemed to have the same plan. He stood with his mug. He looked tired, and his first button was undone. His coffee seemed darker than usual, and he had light bags under his eyes.

He glanced over to me, it wasn’t his usual icy glare though. It lacked the energy behind it and seemed half-hearted.

“You seem tired,” I remarked, my eyes didn’t move from where they remained fixated on the doors. "Sleeping issues?"

“I am fine.” He replied coolly.

“If you wish, you could come to my room and talk about it. It helps.” _This was weird, why was I doing this? Why am I acting like I even know what friends do?_

Looking over he nodded shortly. “I suppose. This is only for my benefit, nothing with you.”

“I know.” I wanted to laugh, He was practically transparent!

As the elevator dinged we stepped out. Walking over to my room I pushed it open to find Celeste looking at her nails.

“Ah! You’re back! Why the hell is Togami with you?”

The man in question seemed to be having second thoughts as he glared at her.

"I was invited, and under the impression, you would not be here either.”

“Calm down, I just invited him to talk.”

Sighing, Celeste sat back and took her tea as I sat next to her. Togami seated himself in the chair by my desk and crossed his legs.

“So, what do you have to talk about, hm?”

“We just saw Makoto walking back with Ishimaru,” I answered when it was clear Togami wasn’t going to. "It was a bit upsetting."

Tilting her head, she looked at me questioningly.

“Why is that a big deal?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love Sakura, if she called me "dear" I would die happy. She is beautiful and I just love her sm. I hope you liked the chapter! All the comments were really sweet!
> 
> Also Happy pride month! <3


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clenching his teeth, he grabbed his bag and sat down in front of his desk. Picking up a pencil, he started to write out the equations on his paper.
> 
> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This has mentions of cutting, blood, suicidal thoughts, death, and anorexia. If that makes you uncomfortable don't read! Take care of your self!

“Oh! Hey Ishi!”

“Good afternoon, Fujisaki.” He nodded to him as he passed the shorter boy. 

“Hey, Ishi?”

Stopping, Taka turned to look at Fujisaki. 

“Yes?”

“Were you on a date with Naegi?”

“No!” He said, looking scandalized. “He is my friend and besides, a romantic relationship with someone would get in the way of my academics.”

“Oh, my bad.” The programmer turned back to his business as Taka Continued to his room. Shrugging off the sweatshirt, he folded it and placed it on his chair.

_ You’re so dull. Even Fujisaki doesn’t wanna talk to you. God, your such a fuck-up. You are a worthless piece of filth and honestly, you deserve to die. Naegi obviously got bored of you. He barely spoke the way back. God, can you not mess up one thing? Why do you always have to be so overbearing and irritating? _

Clenching his teeth, he grabbed his bag and sat down in front of his desk. Picking up a pencil, he started to write out the equations on his paper. As he finished with the first question, he heard a  _ ding _ from his phone. Picking it up, he saw a message from his father.

**Takaaki (Father)**

_ How have this week's studies been? _

Furrowing his eyebrows, he turned it back over and ignored it.  **I’ll answer it later.** No wonder he hates you, you’re a crap son.

**_Fine, I’ll be a bad son. I doubt he’ll care anyway. Might as well finish this, at least then he might be somewhat happy._ ** _ Are you really going to complain over something small and stupid like that? At least you have parents! You’re so greedy, it's sickening to see.  _

As Taka started another problem he heard his phone buzzing. Flipping it over he saw his father was calling him.

“Hello Father.” He said as he answered the call.

“Ah, Kiyotaka. How have your school studies been going?”

**_Couldn’t wait for me to text back, does he miss me?_ **

“It’s going fine, I am completing it currently.” He said with a hint of a smile on his face.

“I thought you would have finished by now, have you been slacking off?”

“Ah! N-no, I just had something planned before I could start.”

“What was more important than this?”

“I was helping a classmate, h-he was falling behind and asked for my assistance.” He could almost hear the disappointment coming from his father.

“Is this going to bar you from your success? You have a goal, Kiyotaka! I don’t want you falling behind!”

“Y-yes, I know. I won’t fall behind, father.”

“Good, I don’t need you slipping up. Good evening Kiyotaka.”

As the tone beeped to let him know his father had hung up, he lowered his phone from his ear. _ He didn’t care about you! He just needs you to help him! You’re being played, but I can help. I can always help you. I can get revenge for you. _

**_No, a-at least not now. I can handle it. It’s fine, he loves me. He’s just upset about being in the hospital. He’ll be allowed to leave soon and he’ll be happier! I just need to work harder! Then he’ll be proud!_ **

\------

(Fujisaki POV)

“‘E wasn’ on a date?”

Mondo was sitting on the edge of my bed with Leon in my desk chair. He looked bored, but Mondo was looking at me like a puppy.

“Yeah! I asked him and he said it wasn’t!”

“Wasn’ he also wearing’ Naegi’s jacket? I mean I don’t think I’ve ever seen him take it off if he has a choice!” Leon said, sitting up from where he was slumped in the seat.

“I mean, yeah, but you’re always wearing Hiro’s coats and Celestia is always wearing Kirigiri’s hats and scarves!”

“OK, one, Hiro is a bro. I know him better than anyone else. So, we are more than friends. Two, Aren’t those two dating? Sayaka said they were.”

Mondo was looking down at the bed and tracing patterns into the cover. He was clearly about that,  **_Damn you, Leon!_ **

“I’m sure they’re just friends! Even Ishimaru wouldn’t be naive enough to not know a date!”

“Would ‘e though?”

“I think he’d know. You have nothing to lose even if he is! If he says no then you move on!”

“Yeah, but what if I do the’ yellin’ thing? He’d hate me, an’ besides, we’re not even really friends yet.”

“Then become his friend! Trust me, he needs them!”

“Mm,” He nodded but kept tracing patterns. "Yeah, I guess"

“C’mon your Mondo Oowada! You wouldn’t back down, right?”I say as I poke him in the shoulder. Looking over, he grins at me.

“Hell Nah!”

“I still can’ believe you like him, man.”

“Leon, Shut up.”

\-----

(Hina POV)

“Bye Makoto!” I said As I waved to him. We had ended up talking for a while.

As soon as the door closed I heard Sakura speak up behind me.

“Doesn’t Oowada also like Ishimaru?”

“Wha-? He does?”

“I was merely assuming. I have seen them at night when I cannot sleep. I believed they were together.”

“That’s not good. Damn, now I don’t know which side to go on.”

“I feel bad for Naegi. I believe that Ishimaru would choose Oowada.”

“Really?’ I ask, moving closer to where she was sitting. “I didn’t think they were that close.”

“I did not think so either, but the other night I was training after curfew for a while and walked past them. Ishimaru had fallen asleep on Oowada’s shoulder. Oh, and Hina,” She grabbed my shoulder with a small smile. “I would advise against saying anything. They did not see me, and I would not wish to disturb them.”

“Gotcha!” I said, giving her a thumbs up. “But that’s, like, super cute. I feel bad for Naegi.” I say slumping against the headboard next to her.

“It is rather upsetting. Don’t worry I am sure everything will turn out fine in the end.” She says, moving her hand.

“Yeah, but it’s sad to see him so happy about it. How’d you know that I liked you back when you told me?” I asked, flopping into her lap.

“I didn’t, I figured that it would be better to say it.” She says patting my head.

“I really hope it works out for them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I don't like the end of this or the chapter but I hope it was ok. I think this is going to probably be 45-50 chapter and the Naeishi will probably be wrapped up soon. Sorry for the detour but I enjoy writing that so... Whoops.
> 
> I wanted to give Takaaki some development, make him a good person and all but uh guess not. :/


	36. Chapter 36

Walking down the hallways at night was something Taka was used to. He did it almost every night. Even at home, he would get up for water or to look outside. There were too many trees to see the stars, but it was nice in its own way. Before her death, his mother would join him. He would be sitting on the couch, that worked as his bed, and she would silently sit down in the spot next to him. 

It was one of his favorite times. She would hand him a cup of tea. It was usually rather weak, but it was nice regardless. They would open the windows in the summer, at least, when they weren’t broken. The warm breeze was nice, as they talked quietly. There wasn’t much he didn’t tell her. She would always smile, nod, and listen. She would leave, after saying “I love you” and ruffling his hair.

The floor was colder at home, but the feeling gave him a sense of nostalgia. The only lights were from the elevator and one or two classmates who were still up. Stepping into the elevator, he could hear the faint noise as the door shut.

He hadn’t slept after the call with his father. He had continued to work until he had finished all the projects and assignments he could. His hands ached from writing and typing for so long. He hated the brightness of his computer screen and preferred to write it out first. His eyes burned from typing everything in. It was tedious to type it in, but it looked better typed. His back was stiff and sore from being hunched over the table for so long. 

He ached all over and felt even less accomplished than usual.  **_What am I even working for? It’s not like it’ll make a difference. I’d just end up humiliated._ **

Stepping into the kitchen, he flicked on some of the lights and walked over to the kettle. Pouring in the water, he turned it on. Reaching up, he grabbed two grey mugs and set them on the counter. He grabbed the tea bags and dropped them in. Moving away, he sat down with his back against the counter.

Sighing, he let his head fall back. Everything hurt in a way that was easy to ignore, but so painful. Blinking, it hurt to open his eyes. Letting them shut, he felt himself relax. It was quiet, and with only half the lights on, it was pretty dark. The A/C was on, and the cold air felt nice. 

As the kettle whistled, he heard footsteps from the door. Standing up, he glanced over to see Oowada walking over. stepping over to the kettle, he poured and fixed their tea. He heard Oowada sigh as he stood next to Taka. Blushing, Taka looked down as he handed the biker his tea.

They moved so that they were sitting next to each other leaning against the counter. Holding his tea Taka took a moment to study the boy next to him. He was tall and looked very strong.It would have been intimidating in different circumstances. He was in sweat pants and a tank top.

“Nightmares again?” He asked. 

“Mm, they get worse this time o’ year.” The taller grunted. It wasn’t as tough as during the day it seemed sadder.

“I see. Will you be ok?”

“Yeah, ‘m fine. Thanks though.”

“Of course.”He chirped back.  _ Wow, annoying. I would hate to be Oowada right now. _

“‘Ey, Ishi?” 

“If you would like, you could call me Taka. Not if you don’t want to of course!”

“Heh, I like tha’. Do ya wanna ‘ave lunch wit’ me an’ Chi tomorrow, er- today? Ya seem like a good guy an’ Chi likes ya too.” He asked, his face tinted pink and his tea clutched tight.

Blushing at the nickname ( **_Why am I blushing? It didn't matter when Makoto did it!_ ** ) he took a sip from his tea before answering.

“Ah, Makoto and I were planning on eating together tomorrow. Perhaps the next day?”

“Yeah, sure. That sounds good!” He said. “An’ uh, ya can call me Mondo if ya wan’.”

Beaming he looked over at Oowa- Mondo. 

“That would be lovely!”

They sat together quietly. It didn’t feel uncomfortable, at least to Taka. It was calming in a way that he hadn't felt in a while. It wasn’t something he had expected to experience again. It was almost perfect. Shifting to the side he tentatively leaned against Oo- Mondo. When the other didn’t push him off or move away he slowly relaxed. 

Letting his head fall back he looked at the other. He was bright red and looked adorable. He just wanted to lean over and kiss his cheek.  _ No, why would you want to do that? Exactly, you don’t. _

Frowning, he looked up at the ceiling. He sipped his tea slowly as he felt Oo- Mondo relax. As they continued to drink their tea Taka couldn’t help but let his mind wander.  **_What would it be like to date a man? Date Mondo? It sounds ni-_ ** _ Horrible! _

As he finished his tea he let himself stay where he was for a moment longer. It was greedy and rude of him, perhaps, to indulge in such a thing. It was nice, though. It made him feel safe, like he could stay in this moment forever.

Sitting up he got to his feet and placed his cup in the sink. Looking down, Mondo was getting up and doing the same. Smiling the taller wrapped an arm around Taka’s shoulders as they walked to the elevator.

Tensing at the contact Taka relaxed slightly as Mondo smiled down at him. It made his heart melt and his face heat up. He let go as they stepped inside and Taka found himself missing the contact. The other was warm and it was nice.

Watching the other press the buttons he tools a moment to compose himself. As the machine dinged they stepped out. 

As they walked out and to their rooms, Mondo stopped and turned to the other.

“Hey, Taka?”

“Yes, O- Mondo?”

The biker grinned widely before opening his arms.

“Wanna hug?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I know this chapter didn't have a ton of action, but I have some good news! I finally figured out how I want the story to end. So I don't think this will go past 45 chapters, probably less than that. I'm sad to know this will end soon but I can't wait to write this end! It will wrap up all the ends and (kinda) give Takaaki a redemption. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the sweet comments! And Welcome to all my new readers! <3


	37. Chapter 37

Taka’s classes had gone by quickly. He had studied far enough ahead that he barely had to pay attention.  **_Still not far enough, though._ ** He would have studied during lunch, but he had lunch with Makoto! Finally, something to look forward to.

Back at Kaiseidan, he always spent lunch at the libraries or Morals meetings. He wasn’t allowed in any of the clubs,] after kids started a petition to ban him. The teachers had looked it over and because almost all of his year had signed they allowed it. The librarian didn’t like him much either. The entire school was understaffed and had a terrible reputation. They kept him out as not to ruin it further. He was used to sitting alone until  _ he  _ came along. He was plain but smart. The boy had approached him asking for a tutor. 

As the Ultimate Moral Compass, he chose to help. They became closer. Daiki was cute, funny, and the only person who would talk to him. It was fine for a while until he started to subtly change him. He would tell him to drop detentions,] and to ignore rules being broken. He would tell him to change his personality and looks. He never outright said it, but the hints were more than enough. Handing him smaller and smaller portions and asking about his clothes. 

He continued for months, trying to get him to change. He would tell him which path to take, usually, it ended up being the one that Daiki’s friends would be waiting on. Taka trusted him with blind faith, and even when he suspected he buried it. He was happy to have a friend and would ignore it if it meant Daiki wouldn’t leave him.

He never told his mother about Daiki. It was one of the only things he ever kept from her. He didn’t tell her when he started being more forceful with his ideas and disagreements. He never told Daiki anything either. He would say small things but never mentioned anything else. He didn’t want to scare him away.

The only time he went to say something, something important, to Daiki it was about his mother. It had been a couple of days after her death, and it had been kept quiet. He wanted to tell someone, but that was when Daiki told him the truth. About the dare, about his friends, about himself. It was something he wanted to be able to talk to someone about. It was something that weighed on his mind and gave him doubts. 

He would have mentioned it to his father, but with the dues from the burial, he was busy. He was often too tired to eat at the table, and never home when school was over. Taka was not a good cook, and the meals were often small and unhealthy. It was something he got used to. 

But that was over now! He had a real friend! He had someone to eat lunch with, who wouldn’t try and change him! It was such a refreshing feeling to know he had something planned. 

As Makoto walked up to him he smiled. They started off towards the garden, making small talk on the way. It was so new to him, to have someone to talk to. Someone to listen and laugh with. It felt like the friendship he had always imagined. The smaller would chatter away about anything and nothing. His smile wasn’t forced and it felt nice. It was what he had been wanting forever finally coming true!

As they made it to the second floor, Togami walked over to them. He seemed composed as usual, if not a bit stiffer than usual. His suit was ironed perfectly, and his hair was combed immaculately.

“Makoto, can we speak for a moment? It is fairly urgent.” His face remained stoic and cold as ever, but his voice was higher and softer than usual.

“Uh, yeah, sure. That ok, Taka?” He asked. He seemed concerned as he checked with Taka before looking back at Togami. 

“Yes, of course! I will meet you there.” He nodded stiffly before walking off towards the third floor. 

The walk felt longer without anyone there and his legs felt weaker than they should. Taking in a deep breath he walked over to the bench under the willow. The tree was so beautiful, he wished he could take Mondo here. It was calm and quiet, like the kitchen. The branches were large and spread wide. Looking up at it he felt like his breath had been stolen from him.

Sitting down he relaxed in the shade of the tree. The glass ceiling and lack of A/C made the garden rather worm and his uniform was itchy and hot. Looking around he noted that it was almost empty. There were a couple people sitting around an empty part of it and Fukawa was on the phone with someone in a different part.

It was calm but Taka wished Makoto was there. The silence was fine for studying but it made his skin crawl and itch. The plants were beautiful but the longer he waited the more he felt anxious.  **_Was Makoto leaving him alone? Did he not care anymore? Did he think-_ **

“Taka!” The boy in question was running over to him. His face was red and he looked sheepish.

“Hey, sorry about this but, uh, do you mind if I eat with Byakuya? I still need to talk with him and-”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.” Plastering on a smile, he tried to reassure the boy. 

**_He_ ** **is** **_leaving me. Oh god, he really does hate me, what do I do? Go back to reading alone? Was he just another Daiki?_ **

**_No- of course, he was. It was stupid to think anyone would like me. It was foolish. No wonder father ignores me, I would too._ ** _ You would, wouldn’t you? _

The voice was different this time. The voice had always had a somewhat weak quality to it. It was always in the back but never closer. It sounded closer and it was unnerving. It seemed almost laid back when it did talk. It had an almost entertained tone when it would comment. 

Watching the retreating figure of ~~his frien~~ \- of Makoto. It stung, he knew it shouldn't, but it did. It felt like he was being replaced after a test. He had failed and now Togami was up. His shoulders slumped as he stood and walked over to the elevator.

**_Might as well go down to the library._ ** _ You wouldn’t have to if I was in charge. I could change that you know.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I know I said its close to the end but we still have at least 4 chapters, probably 6 to go. But seriously thank you for all the sweet comments! 
> 
> I know this formatting is kinda boring with a lot of background stuff but I need to get this done for the end arc, trust me.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you don't already know the warnings, what are you doing here?

Walking back to his room after class felt lonelier than usual. It was almost silent aside from the sound of his boots landing heavily against the linoleum floors. His classes had passed by without anything of interest happening. Makoto had been staring at Togami for most of them while the Ultimate Prodigy seemed to blush lightly whenever he would notice. They seemed to have worked something out.

**_Who would want me, when they could get Togami. He’s rich! I’m worthless compared to him. Why did I even think I could have someone like MAKOTO as a friend._ **

Slumping forward he opened the door and dropped his bag next to his desk. Sitting on his bed he untied his boots and tugged them off. Falling back he let out a deep breath. Forcing himself up he shuffled over to his desk and sat down. Opening his bag he pulled out his papers and textbooks. 

He had finished what he had to during lunch but he still wasn’t far enough ahead yet. With a nod, he opened the book. Flipping to the page he needed he started trying to focus on what he was reading. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done. He couldn’t focus and it wasn’t helped by the yelling coming from the hallway. 

Getting up he opened the door and glanced down the hall. Lundenburg was yelling at Yamada again. Pinching the bridge of his nose he slipped on his boots and walked down to talk to them.

“Lundenburg, If you would not mind, please keep your voice lowered or take this to one of your rooms. Such a volume is not welcome in a school environment.”

When she turned to face him he felt his stomach drop. She was livid and looked ready to skin him alive.

“SHUT. UP. HE,” she shouted, pointing at Yamada. “IS THE ONE WHO SPILLED TEA ON MY DRESS!”

“I’m sure you’re very upset, but if you would like I can wash your dress and clean this up. Just stop yelling. You are disturbing your classmates.” He replied, his legs felt like jelly and he wanted to collapse, but it was his job as the class representative to make sure everyone was happy.

“Fine. I will give you my dress when you finish cleaning.” She replied shortly, as she turned and stepped into her room. The door closed with a loud slam as Yamada started walking back down to the kitchen.

He dragged his feet over to the cleaning closet next to Asahina’s room and grabbed the mop. When he had finished cleaning the floor and had put the mop away he quickly knocked on Lundenburg’s door.

“What?” She said as she swung open the door.

_ “You said you wanted me to clean your dress? I will take it down with my things now unless you don’t want me too.” _

_ “This dress was hand-sewn in Europe! You have to have it dry cleaned you imbecile!” She hissed out with a glare, the dress clutched in her hands. _

_ “Then I’m afraid you will have to do it yourself. Please keep your voice down.”Walking away he could hear her huffing as she slammed the door again. Looking up he saw Oow- Mondo, and Leon walking down the hall. _

_ “Oh! Hey Taka, lunch tomorrow, right?” Mondo asked, looking down. _

_ “U-um, yes. That is what we agreed on.” He replied nodding. Ew, why would he want to spend time with you? You’re disgusting! You’re repulsive and worst of all, you act like a stuck up asshole. _

Stepping into his room he leaned against the door and slid down to the floor. He was exhausted. His head was pounding and his feet hurt from his boots. Tugging them off he chucked them at the opposite wall.

**_At least I have something to do for lunch tomorrow. Mondo won’t leave me!_ **

\--

Walking to class the next morning he ached all over but he was excited. Yeah, Makoto had left, but Mondo wouldn’t do that! He seemed so excited when they talked! Mondo was one of the only things keeping him from locking himself up.  **_It’s nice to be wanted!_ **

Blushing at the thought he smiled slightly.  _ Why would he WANT you? He’s probably just using you!  _ Shaking his head he made his way to class. He was early as usual, but that was okay. 

**_Mondo isn’t like Daiki! He even double-checked yesterday! He wouldn’t leave after that!_ **

Straightening his back he pulled out his notebook. Oogami was sitting with Asahina and Toko was sitting in the back of the room. She was texting someone and looked amused. It was nice to see one of his peers who had been so cold looking happy.

All of his classmates trickled in before the bell rang. Grabbing his pencil he looked up at the teacher.

-

Stepping out of the classroom, Mondo immediately rushed over to his side. He was smiling and had the energy of an excited puppy. He grabbed onto Taka’s shoulder, missing or ignoring the flinch at the action, and smiled down at him.

Struggling to smile back Taka tried to keep up with the biker as he rushed over to the cafeteria. He let himself get pulled over to a table near the doors. Hiro and Fujisaki were already sitting down. Both smiled at him as he gingerly sat down between the Clairvoyant and the Biker.

As Fujisaki started to talk to Hiro, Leon walked over with Sayaka, who smiled and waved at him as she sat down. Leon seemed a bit upset but tried to hide it. He turned to Mondo and tried to make conversation as Leon and Sayaka joined Fujisaki and Hiro’s argument. 

Taka had no clue what it was about but they were loud. The noise seemed to take up more room than they did and it was overwhelming. He could feel his shoulders tense as Leon got more and more invested. Hiro seemed rather invested in it too and his voice matched with the redhead’s

“Hey, You ok there, Taka?”

Looking over he saw Mondo looking at him with worried eyes. 

“Y-yeah, I’m just gonna go to the bathroom real quick.”

“If you say so, bro.”

Nodding he smiled as he got up from the table and left to find somewhere to calm down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *evil laugh* Honey, you've got a big storm coming.
> 
> But seriously, it's great to write but I feel so sad that this is getting closer and closer to ending. Your comments are super sweet and make me so happy! There was something Mondo said that _might _have some impact but what do I know?¯\\_(ツ)_/¯__
> 
> __If you liked that then Kudos are nice and comments make my day! :)_ _


	39. Chapter 39

Walking out of the cafeteria, he could feel the cool air hit his face as he headed for the bathroom. Stepping in, he walked over to the sink and supported himself against it as he looked at the mirror. Taking in a deep breath, he could feel his heart calming down. Straightening up, he washed his hands and turned to leave as the doors opened.

“Oh! Hey Taka!”

It was Makoto. He was smiling and seemed happier than usual. 

“Hello Makoto, how are you?”  _**Why would I ask that? I just want to leave! I just want to go!** _

“I’m pretty good, How are you?”

“I am well.”  **_Liar_ ** _ , why’re you such a bitch? You should be lying! No one wants to hear about your pathetic problems. _

“I’m glad! I saw you walking with Oowada, I didn’t know you were friends!”  _ Trying to pass you off to someone else. He’s tired of you leeching off of him. He is just trying to have an excuse to dump you. _

**_Better than not bothering to and just leaving me._ **

_ You say that like it isn’t what you deserve. _

“Yes, I suppose. If you don’t mind excusing me, I have to get back.” He smiled stiffly and nodded to the shorter. Makoto’s face shifted, and for a moment it looked almost pained before he nodded too.

_ “Yeah, of course, but I just wanted to say… uh... That if you ever wanted to have lunch you’re always welcome.” He’s just guilty. He doesn’t want to see you. _

_ “Of course, thank you Makoto.” He replied, forcing a smile. Such a fake, do you even have a personality? Are you just faking it all? Are you just leeching off other people's personalities? You’re pathetic. You’re worthless. I could do so much better. I could even fix this fucked up world you call a life. _

Walking out he hurried back to the table. The redhead and clairvoyant had stopped yelling and were talking to each other. It was loud, but not nearly as loud as before. He sat back down where he had been before. Mondo smiled at him as he sat and squeezed his shoulder before turning back to Fujisaki. 

He looked around as the others talked, laughed, and argued with increasing interest. He didn’t bother trying to join in, he knew it would be futile. It was amusing to watch them argue, though. Perhaps it was rude to just watch but no one seemed to mind. Maizono and Hiro even seemed to be happy to see him. 

It was strange to have them be  _ happy  _ to see him. He tried to hide his laugh as Hiro started complaining to him and Maizono. He shook silently to himself, leaning slightly against Mondo. He could hear Fujisaki laughing on the other side of Hiro as the fortune teller whined about the prices of cards.

The bell rang and the group started to move. Standing up he started to clean off the table. It was his job as Class Rep to try and keep their spaces neat and tidy. As he wiped it down quickly he noticed Kuwata and Fujisaki behind the group and talking. Walking around he caught a bot of what they were saying.

“-Didn’t say a word. He’s so weird, I don’t get why Mondo likes him.”

“Ishi is nice once you get to know him!”Fujisaki said, scolding the taller.

“Wait- He’s only doing it ‘cause of the bet! I forgot ‘bout that! Ahaha, oh shit I can’t believe I really thought he liked that freak!” The redhead said, laughing.

**_A bet? It was all a joke? Again? Why- Why didn’t I see this coming! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN._ **

_ I warned you about this. I told you it wouldn't work. I told you that you would regret it. I warned you about what would happen if you trusted him. I told you it would be like Daiki. I told you that you would regret it. I told you. I warned you. This is why I should be in charge. If I had been in control this wouldn't have happened to you. You would be fine. You wouldn’t feel like this. YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE IF I WAS IN CHARGE. _

**_If… you were in charge?_ **

_ Yes! I could have protected you! I could have fixed you! I could have made this work for us both. But it’s not too late! Give me control and I can help you! I can fix this for you! _

**_Y-you can?_ **

_ I can, you just have to let me. _

**_M-maybe… But not now, now I- I need a moment._ **

_ Fine. _

He finished cleaning and grabbed his bag, but went back to his room instead. It was all too much. First Makoto and now… The one he thought  _ cared,  _ the one he  _ liked!  _ Why was it like this, why was he so messed up?

He really was pathetic. Crying as he quickly walked to the elevators. Pressing the button he could feel the tears streaking down his face as he struggled to get enough air. His face was hot and he could feel the panic settling into him as he anxiously waited for the familiar ding.

When he heard it he quickly rushed into the machine and pressed the button quickly. Wiping his eyes he could feel himself start to hyperventilate. The walls seemed to be closing in around him and when the doors opened again he ran out in desperation. Fumbling with his keys he opened the door and ran in, slamming it behind him.

Running over to the bed he ripped his boots off, throwing them behind him as he fell onto the bed. Moving so his head was on his pillow he turned to his side and hugged himself tightly. He pushed his face further against the pillow as snot and tears fell sideways down his face. He could feel his body shake as he gasped and whimpered into his pillowcase. 

This was why he didn’t deserve to go to Hope's Peak, he was a child. He couldn’t control his emotions and was a freak. He was worse than his grandfather. He was  _ pathetic.  _ Here he was crying in his room like a spoiled child who didn’t get their way. 

He wanted his mother. He wanted someone to tell him it was okay. He wanted someone to comfort him, he needed to talk to someone. He needed to have someone to confide in.

Picking up his phone he chose one of the few numbers he had in it.

**Takaaki (Father)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't see that coming I don't know what you were thinking. THAT'S WHY I MADE HIM TAKE THE BET! all part of my master plan.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry but I think that you guys think I'm gonna do something worse than I really am. It won't be as bad as you think (probably).
> 
> Thanks for reading! your comment made me so happy. I'm so happy you guys all like this!


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~~~This is not scientific or factual. This is a fictional transition and depiction, do not take this seriously.~~~
> 
> If you want music that I think fits this chapter I would say Cradles by sub urban is the best choice.

Gripping the phone, Taka pressed it desperately to his ear. He listened as it rang.

And rang again.

Again.

Again.

And again.

After the 6th ring, he finally heard it pick up.

“Kiyotaka? What do you want? You should be in class.”

“Y-yes, I know, but I-I-” His voice cracked as he struggled to get the words out.

“There is no excuse. You need to work hard, you know this. Are you sick?”

“N-no, but I-”   
  


“I am very busy, Kiyotaka. This was very irresponsible. I expect you to return to class immediately.”

“... Yes, father.” 

The line went dead as he gripped the phone tightly. A fresh wave of tears fell as he curled in on himself. Had he not heard him crying? Did he not care? Was he so worthless he couldn’t even help his family? The one thing he had been working towards?

Was this what he had been reduced to? A sobbing mess because someone didn’t like him? Had he ever been anything more?

Was he someone worth being? Was that why he was ignored? Was he truly a person or just a husk? Was he merely an empty shell of his childhood shelf? Was he even worth being counted as a person?

Was this why he was hated? For pretending he should be treated with respect when he wasn't something worthy of it? Is this why his father hated him? Is that why he didn’t deserve love? Is this why his father never replied? 

_ You may be a husk, but I can make you whole. I can help you. I can fix you, repair you to who you once were. I can make the pain go away. I can bring you respect. I can make it all better. _

**_I know…_ **

_ Do you want it to be better? To have control? Respect? To have the authority you crave? I can give you all of that and much much more. I can give you what you want, what you need. What you’ve needed all along. _

**_I know…_ **

_ I wouldn’t lie to you, I always tell you the truth, I always give you the facts. I always try to keep you safe. I was there, you know when you needed me in the past. _

**_You were?_ **

_ When your grandfather ruined you, I was there for support when no one would look at you. I was there when Your mother passed. You didn’t realize, but I’ve always been there. I will always be there if you need me. _

**_Y-yeah?_ **

_ Of course, all you have to do is let me in. Let me in and I can do anything you need. Trust me, I can make you the son your father wants. The friend Mondo and Makoto want. The person your mother wanted you to be. _

**_You can?_ **

_ All you have to do is let me.  _

**_I-if I did do that, hypothetically, how- how would I?_ **

_ Just relax, open your mind, and do nothing. It might feel a bit strange but it’ll go away.  _

**_O-ok, like this?_ **

Slowly he took in a shuddering breath as he relaxed. Closing his eyes he thought of Makoto, of Mondo, his father. As he forced himself to let go of the tension he pictured his mother. She was smiling down at him, telling how proud she was of him. He wanted that. He needed that.

It felt like he was falling out of his body and into a dream. He kept his eyes closed until he felt himself land on a velvety surface. At least, he thought it was. He opened his eyes but there was nothing. He was alone. It was pitch black and seemed empty. He tried to think, to talk to the voice, but his head felt fuzzy.

  
  
  


It was impossible to think, his head felt like a dead weight and he couldn’t feel his body. The darkness was smothering to the point of suffocation. He tried to take in a breath but he couldn’t, but he didn’t need to. He tried to move but he found he was already there. It was a strange sense of being everywhere without being  _ anywhere _ . 

He couldn’t see or feel his eyes moving. He could feel himself starting to panic but in an out of body way. He had no way to react to the panic and didn’t even know if he could think. 

\----

(Kiyondo POV, this will be written in normal style but with his thoughts and words in Italics. Ishimaru has not figured out how to talk to Kiyondo yet so he won’t be here.)

_ Finally, I made it.  _

Standing up he grinned. Stretching he walked over to the closet. Nothing good in here, but he could make it work if he had too. Walking over to the bathroom he looked at himself in the mirror. He hadn’t realized that the guy was  _ this  _ ugly. He couldn’t see, he only knew what the guy had been thinking. 

Sighing, he rolled his eyes. Stepping out of the bathroom and over to the desk, he pulled out a piece of paper. Taking out a pen he wrote his name with a flourish.

Ishida Kiyondo

He smirked down at it.  _ No more Kiyotaka. It’s my turn.  _ Running a hand through his hair he grimaced.  _ They’ll all think I’m that freak show. I should show ‘em exactly how I am.  _ Turning around he started towards the door the first thing he had to do was change his look. Pulling on the boots he stepped out of his room.

_ I’ll show them. I’ll show them exactly who I am. I’m not a pushover like that wimp. I’ll show them not to mess with me! _

Walking down the halls he made sure to step with a purpose. He walked loud and fast. The boots pounded against the floor as he walked down the hall. Some purple-haired girl looked at him weirdly.  _ Fuck her.  _ Ignoring the elevator he thundered down the stairs quickly. Classes were still going on so the halls were mostly empty.

He walked down the halls and to the door quickly. Throwing the school doors open he ran down the stairs. Walking past the kids who were doing work or messing around he walked off the school grounds and towards the nearest drug store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would do a more realistic version os Ishida but I needed something worth the build-up and if I did something I said wouldn't make sense so I went with this. The next bit will probably be mostly (Ishida who I will be calling by his first name) because taka doesn't know how to communicate with Kiyondo (Ishida) yet.
> 
> 'Lovely' left a comment saying they thought what happened would happen and I didn't want to tell them they were right, so I'm sorry for not replying.
> 
> 40 Chapters! I forgot that this was more than just angst and that it's romance too... so this may be closer to 50 chapters than I thought.


	41. Chapter 41

Walking down the aisle Kiyondo browsed quietly. It was virtually empty and the only sound was his boots and the soft music playing overhead.

He needed to look tough.  _ Like Mondo! How does he do it?  _ As he moved into the next aisle he noticed the hair dye.  _ He does have his hair dyed, and It would make me different from the loser.  _

Walking down he looked over each of the colors, none of them looked right. They were either not him or too similar to the fucking freak's hair. As he continued walking he finally found one that caught his eye. It had some fancy-ass name and showed a woman with stark white hair. Picking it up he nodded to himself before walking over to the makeup section. 

Yeah, it was dumb to get makeup so cheap but the freak didn’t really have any money so he had to take what he could get. Walking down the aisle he picked up a bottle of eyeliner and some eye shadow. He chose a shimmering silver and a pale red. 

Nodding to himself he walked over to the register and bought everything quickly.  _ If only that fucking bitch didn’t send so much money back, I coulda got some new clothes too.  _ Walking back to school he went back to his room as quickly as possible. A couple of people looked at him weirdly but he just flipped them off. The look on their faces was hilarious.

Getting into  Kiyotaka's his room he slammed the door and went to the bathroom. Putting the bag down he unbuttoned and shrugged off Kiyotaka’s jacket.  _ Why are all his clothes so uncomfortable, ugh.  _ Reaching under the sink he pulled out the gloves that came in the bucket of cleaning supplies.

Standing up, he started to mix the powder and developer. After getting that ready he leaned in towards the mirror as he put it on his hair. It felt weird but he started to smile at the thought of his new look.  _ Fuck Kiyotaka.  _

The doorbell rang out through  Kiyotaka’s his room.

“Fuck off! ‘M busy!” He yelled back. 

It rang a couple more times, more insistent. Ignoring them he went back to the mirror. When he finished he looked at Taka’s face. It was ugly, his eyebrows comically large and his face far too skinny for them. His lack of sleep was apparent and his cheeks were hollower than usual.

Frowning he picked the brush back up and swiflty covered the eyebrows. 

He glared at the face in the mirror. It was so clearly Kiyotaka. What about him? He was a person too! He has a right to this body! 

Grabbing the shower cap he put it over his head, using it to cover his eyebrows and went over to the bed. Looking over at the clock he took note of the time. He lied down, there wasn’t much he could do. That nerd was annoyingly boring. It was uncomfortable to be in a room that wasn’t his, but he still had to live in. 

The notes weren’t his. The letters weren’t his. The clothes weren’t his. Was anything his?

_ That's why I’m here. To make them mine! I’ll be better than Kiyotaka! _

Glaring up at the ceiling he kicked his legs out. Standing up he stalked over to the chair and kicked it, hard. 

It toppled over with a satisfying thud. Smiling Kiyondo stepped in front of the table and flipped it. He panted from the effort but his smile didn’t waver. He turned to the practically empty shelves on the wall and started knocking them forward. They fell forward and landed loudly. Stomping, he went back to the bed and knocked the lamp and letters off of the bedside table.

The lamp clattered to the floor and the letters scattered all over the floor. Turning to the desk he pulled it forward until it landed in front of him, all of the papers falling onto the floor too. He ripped the pillows off of the bed and threw them across the room. Taking the blankets in his hand he yanked them off.

Breathing heavily, he looked around the room, it was a mess. Everything had toppled over and papers were everywhere. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes but they weren’t his. Nothing was. Kiyotaka was such a crier and his eyes stung as he wiped at them harshly.

He sunk down to the floor. There were small pieces of glass on the floor from the picture of Kiyotaka and his mother. Picking it up his hand shook, he didn’t know either of these people. He didn’t know when this was taken. He only knew Taka’s bad feelings. That was all he had. Glaring he let the photo fall to the floor as he covered his face.

He sat there, completely still, for a while. Eventually looking at the watch in his arm and walking over to the shower to wash out the dye. Taking off the shirt and pants he felt like throwing up. This wasn’t him. This was someone else and it made him sick. 

Setting his jaw he quickly turned on the shower and rinsed his hair and face while keeping his eyes resolutely closed. When he felt he had finished he grabbed a towel and redressed as quickly as he could. 

Stepping out of the bathroom he ignored the mess and headed for the door. He needed to get out of the room, he was suffocating. Stepping out he noticed that there were quite a lot more people in the halls. That purple-haired bitch, Kirishiri, or something like that, was still watching him.

A small brown-haired boy came up to him. _ Makata or something like that. _ He looked confused as he approached Kiyondo.

“Hey Taka…? What did you do to your hair?”

“'M not Kiyotaka. “M Ishida, got that, you bastard?”

“Wha- What do you mean? This isn’t funny, Taka!”

Grabbing the front of the small boy's shirt, Kiyondo pulled him close.

“This ain’t a fucking joke. My. name. Is. Ishida. Kiyondo. Ya got a problem? I don’t fucking care.”

He glared as he put the small boy down and stalked past him and towards the elevators.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ishida explanation**   
> So, in case you don't understand or want to get it my version I'll be explaining what I can. Ishida was born out of Taka's need to improve and surpass expectations. When that became negative Ishida became a way to keep himself in check. Ishida only really comes out when insecurities or negative emotions are present and those are the only memories he shares with Taka. He didn't have a name but when Kiyondo saw Mondo he realized that Mondo was something to be like. He was liked and the opposite of Taka so he was an Idol for Kiyondo. I hope that makes sense. Thanks for all the love and support on the last chapter!


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~~Music for today's chapter is mainly Dead to me by Kali Uchis~~

(Naegi POV)

**_That was weird, really weird, creepy too. Ishida? Who the heck is Ishida?_ **

Turning back around, I saw Kyoko was standing there. She was staring after Taka. 

“That was rather strange.” She commented, looking over at me.

“...yeah” 

“You’re still upset with me over that?” She asked. 

Whirling around, I pointed at her angrily.

“What do you mean “that”? It hurt Kyo! You didn’t even bother explaining! You still haven’t! Why wouldn’t I still be mad?”

Glaring, I shook my head and huffed. I walked past her and towards my room. 

“You like Togami now, right? I thought that you’d get it now..” I heard her say from behind me.

“Kyo, I know you like to stalk us but how did you know?” I asked, turning back towards her. She stared at me with her usual passive face. It was annoying how hard she was to read sometimes.

“Togami asked for my advice.”

“Ok, but that doesn’t mean I return them. I mean, I couldn’t even  _ imagine _ Byaku as more than a friend, but now… Plus, I thought I liked Taka, but now I don’t know…” 

“Well, which one? It’s rather clear that Taka doesn’t return the feeling, so why not choose Togami?”

Taking in a deep breath, I met her gaze. She seemed annoyed like her solution was the obvious choice.

“What if  _ I _ don’t like Togami? What if I still like Taka? I get that you think I should be with him, but Kyo, honestly, it’s not your choice!”

Shaking my head, I walked over to my room. As I walked in, I could see her standing in the hallway. Closing the door, he thought back to that weird encounter with Taka…

\----

(Mondo POV)

Taka Hadn’t come back to class after lunch. It was weird to not have him sitting in the front of the class. The class seemed quieter without him yelling at the others. Most people hadn’t even noticed, but apparently, Naegi had. 

Walking out of the classroom I started off towards the dorms to try and find Taka. I ran into him as I was getting into the elevator he was standing there looking mad as hell. His hair was, white? And he looked like someone had just killed his pet.

“Uuuuh… Taka?”

“Fuckin- NO!” He looked ready to punch something as he stomped towards me. “‘M not that fucking loser! Call me that again and see what happens!” He growled out before turning towards the kitchen

“What the- the fuck kinda joke is this?” I asked. He turned around and stomped back over to me.

“I ain’t A FUCKING JOKE! ‘M Ishida Kiyondo, fucker!” He looked a second away from punching me before he scoffed and turned back towards the kitchen.

Reaching out I grabbed his arm. **_No one talks to me like that! What th’ hell is wrong with ‘im? We're friends! What th' fuck is he goin' on abou'?_ **

\---

(Kiyondo POV,  **Bold** is going to be flashbacks for Kiyondo, ok? )

I started walking towards the kitchen when I felt him grab my arm. I could feel my instincts and panic kicking in before I could even think.

**Taka was running home and, as usual. Daiki had led him right to the bullies. He had tried to talk them out of it, but when they wouldn’t stop he ran for it. It wasn’t anything unusual, except that he had hurt his ankle yesterday,] and was slower today because of it. They were catching up, and tears were already streaming down Taka’s face.**

**I could feel myself getting closer and closer to Taka as they got closer. He was panicking and reaching for me to take over. This was my job, to keep him safe. I wasn’t afraid to punch them and that's just what I would do. I could feel myself taking over just as they caught up and grabbed Taka’s arm.**

**Turning around I Punched him as hard as I could. I could feel the adrenaline pumping as I turned around and put my fists up. I clenched my jaw as the rest caught up. They didn’t care if I fought back or not. They could overpower me if nothing else.**

**When they did, as I fell to the ground, a mantra thought ran through my head. I was supposed to help him. I was supposed to protect him,** **_I’m just like him. I’m not stronger. Not stronger. Need to be stronger. Not stronger. Need to be stronger. Not stronger. Need to be stronger. Not stronger. Need to be stronger._ **

**That was when I realized that I had failed, that I needed to not be** **_like_ ** **Taka, I needed to be** **_better._ **

Turning, I punched Mondo. He let go of my arm to grab his nose, and I ran. I could feel my heart beating wildly as I ran as far as I could. I ran and ran. I could feel my legs shaking under me as I chanced a peek over my shoulder. Mondo was pinching his nose and staring after me.

Slowing down, I let the body rest while I looked around. It was empty, but I could hear the sound of people talking just around the corner. Looking around wildly, I saw a girl with weird hair and some other girl, at least I think they’re a girl, turning the corner just to my right.

Quickly, I ran past them and turned the corner. I could hear that shorter girl, Assina, or something, let out a surprised noise as I passed them. Running down the hallway, I heard more people talking, and as they rounded the corner, I stopped in front of them.

It was a boy with red hair and a shorter one with light brown hair next to him. I recognized them from when I was close to surfacing earlier.  _ That's the bitch that dared Mondo to trick Kiyotaka! _

Glaring at him I cracked my knuckles as I stepped towards the redhead.

“I-Ishimaru?” the shorter squeaked out.

“No, ‘m Ishida,” I said, stepping even closer. I could see the confusion on both of their faces. “'M not like that fucking nerd, but I heard what you,” I said, staring pointedly at the redhead. “said ‘bout ‘im.”

“What do you mean you’re Ishida? What’s going on?” The shorter said, panicking. He grabbed the taller’s arm as he took a step back.

Snapping my fingers I pointed at him.

“That’s where I know you! You were there last time I was here, right? Ah, well I’m sure your friend here can fill in the blanks. Y’know, it’s funny, this makes me think of when Kiyotaka was in middle school. The end wasn’t quite the same but I like this version better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mental breakdown + Identity crisis + trauma = Kiyondo. He needs some love, unfortunately, I only know angst. Happy birthday, Mondo! I wanted to write a oneshot but I couldn't come up with any ideas.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the love on my version of Kiyondo. His eyes flames will be eyeshadow, but I don't do makeup, so I won't describe it too in-depth. Kiyondo is pretty fun to write, so I'm glad you like it! He'll be here for a couple days, so buckle down.


	43. Chapter 43

(Taka POV)

The panic was still there, lingering all around the edges of his mind as he floated. It was all he could do. He had no idea how much time had passed or where he (physically) was. It felt like being underwater, but being able to breathe. He had no idea what to do or what he  _ could _ do. Suddenly, he felt himself being pulled up and it felt like he was just below the surface of the water. He could see around him, kind of, and he could kind of hear what was going on.

The space around him showed a sped-up version of a memory he didn’t have as he saw his hand punch Mondo. He could  _ almost _ feel his feet hit the ground as his body ran. Is this that voice taking over? He could hear panting breaths as the muffled footsteps seemed to slow down. As the thumping got quieter, he could feel himself being dragged further down. His sight and hearing became more and more impaired as he sunk down further and further into the dark nothingness.

He felt himself rise slightly before abruptly being shoved back down. The space around him seemed just as dark as before as he settled back into his previous spot. He wanted to get back to the surface, he  _ needed  _ to. What would happen if he didn’t? 

What if that voice spoke with Father! He would be so ashamed of me! I felt myself rise ever so slightly as I heard muffled yells. I could feel the panting breaths as I rose again. I could see the hallway moving past me as my his the body ran towards the doors. I could hear yelling behind us(?) as we(?) ran out of the building. 

It was an absolutely surreal experience. It wasn’t quite out-of-body, because my view was through  my  our eyes. The closer I was to surfacing I could almost feel my body and I could almost feel  my  our legs moving. Then it all came to a stop.

“Ishi?”

\---

(Kiyondo POV)

I ran, I ran and ran and ran. I had stepped up to that  _ stupid  _ redhead and punched him. It was what he had coming! Then that small boy had caught him and started yelling’ at me, so those two girls came back.

I could feel my panic rising,  _ was it even mine? Was this panic from the rule loving freak or me? _

I had finally made it far enough that if I didn’t stop I might fall, so I slowed down. I was only a block, maybe two away from the school. I would have to go back, but it could wait. Right now there was a bigger issue. One that was staring at me with a confused look.

“Ishi?”

It was some man,  _ why the fuck does a grown-ass man know Kiyotaka? _ with big hair who was holding a burger and looking at me shocked.

“Hey man! I don’t think I’d ever see ya outside of school! Oh! Cool hair, dude!”

_ Who… The fuck was this man. _

“Who th’ hell are you, ya fucking creep!”

“Wha- C’mon man! I’m your classmate! You didn’t seriously forget- unless aliens erased me from your mind!! Hah! I knew it.”

_ What is wrong with him? Classmate? He looked far too old, but with his apparent stupidity…  _

“... No, I think you have it wrong, I’m not Kiyotaka.”

“No way! They took  _ all  _ your memories?”

“No… I’m just not him, ‘m Kiyondo Ishida. I don’t know or care who you are.”

“For real? That's wack! Are you like that scary Fukawa chick or something? You’re not a serial killer, right? Or are possessed? Please tell me you're not possessed!”

_ Is he a child? Why is he acting like this? Is this some sort of joke? What kind of ultimate would he even be? _

“No, of course not, Don’t be stupid. Is this a joke? I will beat ya ass into the ground if you think this is funny!”

“Wha-” He seemed genuinely scared by what I said,  _ ultimate actor maybe? _ “Nah dude, I was just worried you were gonna kill me hahaha!”

“...” Nodding, I squinted at the man before turning back to the school.  _ Might be able to dodge them if ‘m quick enough. _

“Oh hey! Ya walkin’ back to school? Same! We can walk together!”

He walked over and went to sling an arm around my shoulder. Instinctively I moved to punch him. Putting his hands up he shrunk back.

“No touching, cool, cool, cool. I get ya, no need for violence, man!” He said moving back to where he was walking next to me. More than enough space between us as he side-eyed me nervously.

“So like..” He started,  _ does he never shut up? _ “This isn’t some weird occult stuff, right? ‘Cause I don’t deal with that stuff. Some scary shit, man.”

“No, this ain’t none o’ that “occult stuff”. Who the hell do you think I am?”

“Damn dude I don’t know! I mean, one day you're you and the next you're... some other you!”

“I guess.”

“Not much of a talker, eh? That's cool! Why were ya runnin’ anyway?”

“... Just felt like going out…” I said, trying to subtly rub any blood off of his knuckles. That big buy, Mondo (?), had started bleeding, maybe that other one too. Hopefully, this dumbass was as dense as he looked and believed him.

“Cool, I get that. Sometimes ya just gotta getaway! Can’t do any prediction’ if I’m stuck inside y’know!”

“ _ That’s  _ your ultimate?”

“Yeah, man! An ultimate fortune teller!”

I was spared from the rest of the conversation by reaching the school. Taking a deep breath I looked up at the building. Walking in I was faced with a tall brown-haired man wearing a crisp black suit. He was glaring at me as soon as I stepped inside.  _ Looks important.  _

“Oh hey Mr. Kirigiri! Wassup?”

Looking straight at me he spoke in a low, cold tone. 

“I need to speak with Mr. Ishimaru.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if that was a bit rushed, I hope you like it anyways!
> 
> I noticed a few people were still confused about Kiyondo, so I will try and explain more here. If you don't care, skip if you do, read it!
> 
> So, in case you don't understand or want to get it my version I'll be explaining what I can. Ishida was born out of Taka's need to improve and surpass expectations. When that became negative Ishida became a way to keep himself in check. Ishida only really comes out when insecurities or negative emotions are present and those are the only memories he shares with Taka. He didn't have a name but when Kiyondo saw Mondo he realized that Mondo was something to be like. He was liked and the opposite of Taka so he was an Idol for Kiyondo. 
> 
> His reason for being was to protect Taka, and that includes him finding ways to stop the bullies before they start. Taka was bullied because of his grandfather, which isn't something Kiyondo can control. Because he couldn't do anything he decided to try and just make him "perfect". 
> 
> After the flashback that occurs in chapter 42, Ishida realized he needed to be someone for Taka to look up to and the best way was to get Taka lower than him. Taka surfaces when Kiyondo feels scared or when he is upset /confused by a decision. As the Moral Compass, he is very good in those situations so that is when he would surface or 'front'. 
> 
> It is very similar to Hajime and Izuru, with one of them fronting at a time. I use water as a metaphor for this but I don't have a great way to really descibe it. I hope this was helpful, and I will try and discuss further in the comments if you want! <3


	44. Chapter 44

The office was cold, the A/C unit was turned on and the chairs were uncomfortable. This body seemed to only be able to sit up straight, and it was pissing me off. The Redhead and Biker boy was sitting outside the office while the principal talked to me. He was looking me over and had his hands clasped together. 

He had been studying me for a little bit. I could only guess what the others had said about me. I did my best to make it clear I wasn’t who he thought I was. I had been glaring into the corner behind him with my arms crossed. I had my jaw set and only glanced over when he cleared his throat.

“Look, Ishimaru-”

“Oh my fucking- I’m not Kiyotaka!” I Screamed, throwing my hands up. I know those little assholes out there told him as much, so why didn’t he get it! “I know they told ya, ‘m Ishida!”

He narrowed his eyes as they raked over me before he turned around and started going through his file cabinets. I suppressed a shudder when he turned around. His eyes were piercing and he seemed seconds away from expelling me.

He turned back around and continued to stare at me before putting the file in front of him and looking up at me.

“You know about your classmate's condition?”

“Eh? Nah, how would I?”

“Toko Fukawa? I believe she shared it with her class, which you are a part of.” He raised his eyebrow as he looked at me as though I should know this.

“No ’m not. ‘M not even an ultimate, that's Kiyotaka.”

  
  


“And you’re not Kiyotaka?” He asked, leaning forward in his chair slightly. He was frowning but seemed more interested than mad.

“How many times do I gotta tell ya? No, of course not” 

“I see… Why did you punch Oowada and Kuwata, then? Have you interacted with them before? There’s nothing about “Ishida” in Ishimaru’s file.”

“Eh? Nah, but they had it comin’ it was self-defense, that means it's not my fault, right?”

“Well, yes, but that only applies to Oowada.” He moved the file off to the side and folded his hands in front of him again. “But according to Kuwata and Fujisaki, Kuwata was just walking down the halls?”

“‘E had it comin’, I mean, I should thank ‘im but if I did I wouldn’ be doin’ my job!”

“Job?” He was looking at me like I was spewing nonsense, which to him I probably was. It felt like I was under a microscope. 

“Yeah, Job.”

“What job might that be?”

“Does it matter? Are ya gonna punish me or not?”

“Fine, you will have three weeks detention. You would have had at least in-school suspension but you are a model student. Er- Ishimaru is.”

“M’kay, can I go?”

“I suppose, and you know, Hope’s Peak has a counselor, she is open to all students if they need her.”

“Uh-huh, yeah, sure.” Walking out I could hear him writing something down. I stepped out of the cold office and into the small area where The redhead and that other guy,  _ Monso? No that doesn’t sound right- _ were sitting outside the office. They both had tissues pressed against their noses and Redhead,  _ Kochata? _ was glaring at me as he leaned away from me.

“What the hell’s yer deal, man? Why’d you punch my beautiful face?”

“‘S not  _ that  _ nice.” Biker bitch chimed in looking over at his friend.

“Eh, you had it comin’.” I said, shrugging.

“Wha- no way! I haven’t done anything to ya, man!” Kochata yelled at me, throwing his hands up.

“Not me, but I know what ya did to Kiyotaka. I know what both o’ ya did. It was absolutely horrible what you two did.”

Looking at me confused, corn head ( _ I really should find his name… Nah, I don’t care)  _ tilted his head.

“What’d I do ta ‘im? I’d never hurt my bro!”

“Uh-huh,” I rolled my eyes “sure.”

Walking off I shoved my hands into the pockets. I could hear the two guys talking behind me but I just ignored them and kept walking towards the nerd’s room.

The hallways were empty enough that I didn't get bothered. Getting into the elevator I was about to close the door until I heard the  _ click _ of heels as that same purple-haired girl walked in next to me.

She stood next to me looking forward. Doing the same, I pressed the button I hoped was right for his floor. Holding my breath I pressed number 4.

“Your room’s on the third floor.”

“And?” I snapped at her.

“You pressed the button for the fourth.”

“Maybe I wanna go ta the fourth floor!” I growled out. I still didn’t look at her but I could feel her cool gaze.  _ Just like her fuckin’ father.  _

She stepped forward and pressed the button for the third floor before stepping back to where she was. The silence was heavy, and I grew angrier with each second. Finally, that annoying  _ ding  _ sound and she stepped out. Looking away, I stayed in the elevator and let the doors close.

_ Fucking- The garden? Of all the goddamn places in this hellscape, it had to be the garden? Why would I wanna go there? Waste of my time, but I guess it’s better than going into that room. _

I sighed as I stepped out into the garden. It was hot and made my skin itch in this uncomfortable uniform. Walking around I glared at the plants. It was demeaning to know that most people would have some memories tied to plants like these. I had nothing but an empty, sinking feeling in my stomach.

Walking over I saw some short guy in the vegetables and a couple walking past the group of plants that had a swarm of butterflies around them. One of them was pointing out certain ones to some lady with long blonde hair.

Scoffing I scuffed my feet along. I felt a buzz in my back pocket and pulled out Kiyotaka’s flip phone. It was barely scratched but so old that it barely worked. Flipping it open I saw that “Takaaki (Father)” was calling. Smirking I walked over to a secluded corner and answered the call.

“Kiyotaka! I just heard that you punched two kids! What on earth is wrong with you? Do you know how bad that will look?”

“Ah, I’m so so sorry, Father!” I said in an over-exaggerated sweet and sad voice.

“Kiyotaka! That is no way to speak to me!” He sounded pissed!

Rolling my eyes I held back a laugh.

“Fuck off, I really don’t fucking care.”

“Wha- Give my son his phone back this instant!”

“Don’t recognize your own son’s voice? That's not good.”

“What has gotten into you?”

“Nothing really just thought about something. Anyway, I really gotta go! Hey, here's a fun idea! Let's hang out this weekend, yeah?”

“What? No, Kiyotaka do not hang up!”

“Mkay bye~” 

  
I hung up and flipped it shut. I could feel it buzzing as he tried to call back. Ignoring it I slipped it back in my pocket and walked out of the garden.  _ At least I have one good memory with flowers now. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Kochata brought me so much joy and I don't know why. Yeah, I know that's not where the dorms are but just ignore my plot holes, please. 
> 
> Also, I imagine Kiyondo talking like Mondo sometimes and Taka others. I don't know man, I'm just freestyling here. Building up to some more stuff.
> 
> I don't think there's anything I haven't addressed but if there is let me know in the comments! <3


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Description of a panic attack.

Walking out of the garden, I could feel the cool air hit my face. I walked over to the stairs and down to the third floor. As I walked I thought,  _ I should make a plan. So I can be better than Kiyotaka! Then I can protect him, and I'll be the one in charge! All I have to do is get those three dirtbags to realize that they can't walk all over me, and then I'll have protected him!  _

Stepping out I walked over to  his our room. It was just as much a mess as when I left and I scowled as I looked around. It felt too personal. Too Kiyotaka. Huffing I turned around and stomped into the hallway. Walking back over to the elevator I could see the doors opening to show a girl with big pigtails and a frilly black dress. 

Scoffing, I let her walk out before I stepped in myself. Turning around she looked over at me.

“Ishimaru, I was wondering if you would not mind telling Kyoko that I will be in my room when you see her?”

“Piss off, do it yerself.”

Her face turned red as the elevator doors closed and I could hear muffled yelling.  _ What a bitch.  _ Watching the doors opened he stepped out, making sure to keep his face as passive as possible. He passed the purple-haired girl and the small kid. I could feel the cold stare from mystery bitch and the nervous looks from the kid. 

Rolling my eyes I grabbed an apple from the kitchen and walked over to the library. Walking in I went to the table that was tucked behind some bookcase and sat down. I needed a way to cut all of them out of Taka’s life. They needed to go.

Pulling out Taka’s phone I checked the messages.  _ He hasn’t sent any messages before this?  _ They were all messages telling me, er- Kiyotaka to call him back. That he was behaving “obscenely” and that whoever had the phone was to give it back to his son.

It was hilarious to read. He kept using proper capitalization and wrote out lengthy paragraphs for some messages. He seemed really pissed. The last message was a short one. 

**Takaaki (Father)**

_ What is wrong with you? Why are you behaving like this, Have you forgotten your goal? _

Clenching his fist I closed the phone and set it down.  _ He’s still treating Kiyotaka like a tool. He won’t learn. I’ll stop sending him money, then I can get an apartment. I won’t have to see him and neither will Kiyotaka!  _ Glaring at the device I clenched my fist as I stopped myself from replying.  _ He deserves to worry.  _ Looking away I could feel the anger under my skin. 

Half of me was screaming to march over to teach him a lesson, the other half screamed to wait.  _ I wanted a plan but do I wait or go now? Why can’t I choose? Which do I choose? How do I know which one is right? _

Grabbing  ~~his Kiyotaka’s~~ the hair he pulled roughly as he felt his breath speeding up.  _ Choices, choices define you, right? Who am I? What does it mean? I can’t choose? I should be able to choose? WHY CAN’T I CHOOSE? _

I could feel the pinpricks in my eyes as they started to water. Bringing  ~~my his our~~ legs to my chest I curled in on myself as I tried to be quiet. My breathing was ragged,  _ Was it even mine? Or just this body’s? Does that make it Kiyotaka’s or is it still mine?  _ Taking a shaking breath in I tried to calm myself down. I tried to take in a deep breath but the air was so stuffy that it felt like I was breathing dust.

Wiping my eyes I pushed myself out of the chair and walked quickly out of the library. Moving quickly, I made my way down the halls.  _ I need to sit down. I need to handle this rationally!  _ Looking around frantically I couldn’t find anywhere to go. I finally reached the pol. Swinging the changing room open I rushed inside and collapsed onto the bench.

My hands shook slightly as I clutched at ~~his my~~ the uniform on ~~my his our~~ body. The fabric was rough and scratching against my hands but at this point, I didn’t care. I squeezed it until I could barely feel my fingers.

\---

(Taka POV)

I was floating when I felt myself getting pulled up. At first, it was just a little and I floated back down. It wasn’t unusual and I was used to it by now. 

Then I felt a sharp pull as I was pulled to the surface quickly. I was barely a hair’s length away from the surface, and as I tried to push myself higher I noticed something new. There was someone else here. They were curled up and crying. I could hear their struggle for air as they curled further into themselves. I tried to move closer but I was stuck.

They moved their hands from their hair to the stomach as a loud sob left them out of breath. As they let their legs move away from their chest I saw them look around. As they faced me their eyes seemed dim. When they saw me they seemed surprised. Looking down they stared at their body. 

Getting a good look at them I realized they looked like me,  _ exactly like me.  _ The only difference was their hair. Looking down I realized my body was back, almost transparent, but it was there. 

Looking over at them I saw a look of determination on their face as they became more solid. I could feel myself slipping away as they rose to the surface and left me. I sank further and further.

Looking around my body was gone and I could picture going back to the bottom. That was until I stopped where I was, I hadn’t reached the bottom, barely halfway in fact! My body was gone but I could see the light and if I squinted I could  _ almost _ see the surface.

Closing my eyes I felt myself relax as I gazed at the surface. I could not remember how I fell into this space, and now I would be stuck here forever, wouldn’t I? I would never get out, never make my father proud, never repay those debts. I would be a failure. I would be remembered as weak and insignificant, that is, if I was remembered at all.

**_What a way to go out._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to strikethrough for making Kiyondo's internal struggle possible! but what pronouns would I actually use? It's very confusing, so I'm glad I can turn it into something story related.
> 
> It's all coming to a close, I'm very sad about that tbh. Your comments give me so much motivation and validation and it's going to be sad without something to do and look forward to over the summer. Might start a new one. 
> 
> ~~I found out what I was thinking of with the whole "surface" thing. It's basically what happened in steven universe with Lapis and Jasper. If that helps any, then I'm glad, if not I'm sorry.~~


	46. Chapter 46

######  **\--Chapter 46**

The panic had taken over, and I could feel the air around me change to something I was so used to. Something softer, where I could float.

I was still crying, hard but I knew that even if I didn’t breath I would be fine. I was back  _ here _ . I let out a sob, I had lost. I let him take the lead again and I was stuck back  _ here. _ I wasn’t at the bottom but I knew it was a matter of time. Curling in on myself felt someone's gaze on me.  _ Someone else?  _ Looking around I saw him, Kiyotaka was there, his body was there but only barely.  _ He’s here! I haven’t lost, I still have a chance!  _ Taking in a breath I focussed. I let myself relax. I forced the panic away, imagining myself back in control. I opened my eyes, staring forcefully upward to try and get rid of the tears. 

I could feel myself rising as I controlled my breathing. As I felt my lungs fill I glanced over at Kiyotaka. He was fading and fading as he sank further. Closing my eyes I let myself drift up, up, up until I felt myself break the surface and-

I opened my eyes to the pool changing room. Looking around I wiped my tears and stood up. My legs shook slightly but reaching over I steadied myself against the lockers. Walking out I straightened the uniform as I made my way to the elevator. 

_ Where am I even going? Where would I sleep? It’s been a while, they’re probably eating dinner. Maybe I could sleep in the library? Yeah, That'd be good. Why the library? That's Kiyotaka’s place! FUCK, now where can I go. I need to choose for myself, right? Where- Where would I go? How do I know if it's my choice? NO. on, I’ll just go to the garden, right? That’s- That’s my place, yeah? Yeah. Yeah! I’ll grab the pillow and I can go back to change in the morning. Yeah! _

Nodding I stepped in and pressed the button for the third floor. There probably wouldn’t be anyone there to question me.  _ Hopefully.  _ Walking out I made my way to his room and walked in. It was trashed and it brought a small bit of satisfaction to see it trashed. It wasn’t his anymore. His room was ruined, destroyed. Stepping in I walked over to where the pillow lay and I picked it up.  _ I’ll just change tomorrow.  _

When I walked back over to the door I did my best to slump  my his our shoulders forward. It felt unnatural and weird but it gave me a spark of confidence as I stepped out. Walking out I pressed the button for the elevator. When it opened Purple bitch was standing next to that goth girl. Moving out of the way I let them get out. They both stared at me as I stepped in and pressed the button for the 5th floor. Goth girl was glaring and the purple bitch just watched. Her face was impassive and didn’t show anything. Doing my best to do the same I didn’t blink as I met her gaze. 

The doors closed slowly, blocking her from my view, and as the machine started rising I let out a deep breath. It was probably suspicious to see me with just a pillow getting into an elevator but I was tired and didn’t care. I was not used to being in control for so long, it felt empowering. Smirking, I watched the doors open and stepped out. The garden lights were off and the only light came from the hallway. _ Kiyotaka hates the dark.  _ I realized with a start. I- I wasn't, I was fine here _. FUCK YEAH.  _

Walking over to the bench under the willow I sat down, putting the pillow on one end and stretched before laying down. It was cool and I tossed over, trying to get comfortable on the hardwood. Eventually, I found a position that was better than the rest and settled down. I could feel myself drift off slowly as I let my eyelids drop.

\---

(Taka POV) 

I had stayed suspended at the halfway point for a while. It wasn’t any new experience, but it was a tad bit confusing. I was jerked upward at one point, rather violently, too. Then I drifted down, further than I had before but still not quite at the bottom. Soon after the whole place seemed to shift from the strange blue glow to a dark purple. It happened every so often and I could not figure out why. It was calming, though. It let me have a sense of relaxation as I ‘leaned’ back. 

My body had not come back after the brief encounter with that other me. It weighed heavily on my mind.  **_Who are they? What were they doing here? Do they know anything? Will I get to see them again?_ ** My questioning was stopped by the same thing that always happened when the light turned purple. My mind turned to mush as I fell back into a comatose state. 

\---

(Ishida POV)

Waking up I felt refreshed, sleeping was so different here. It felt nice, like a fresh start. Sitting up I stretched. My back aches but I shrugged it off and went over to the elevators. Looking over at the clock in the hallway I checked the time. It was early and I could probably make it back downstairs and back up before anyone noticed. The sun was shining through the garden and the ceiling lights were on. 

Stepping into the elevator I yawned as I stretched my arms up. I would have time to shower,  _ quickly as possible, _ and maybe even try to make this ugly body more bearable.  _ Maybe I could even get a better plan.  _ Nodding to myself I rubbed my eyes as I stepped out of the lift and into the halls.

Walking into Kiyotaka's room I grabbed the plastic bag from where it lay on the ground and walked into the bathroom. Taking Kiyotaka's jacket off I pulled out his phone. opening it I saw a new message

**_Takaaki (Father)_ **

_ I'm coming to your school today. I will see you outside at 12:30. Do not be late. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who needs transition when you can just switch POVs? I don't like this chapter too much, I think it took too long and the end result is iffy, but I hope you liked it! for the whole Taka/Kiyondo headspace I am winging it and giving myself something visual that ties everything up so I hope it helps you picture it!
> 
> Next chapter is going to be peak angst and end this arc. I will add at least one chapter more to give this a happy more but yeah, this will be over in a few days and I am very sad. Thanks for all the sweet comments though, they mean a lot!


	47. Chapter 47

**Takaaki (Father)**

_ I'm coming to your school today. I will see you outside at 12:30. Do not be late. _

_ 12:30, huh? I got a couple of hours ‘til then. I could probably get a decent plan.  _ Turning on the shower I took off the rest of Kiyotaka’s clothes. Resolutely looking up, I stepped into the small space. I finished showering quickly and grabbed a towel as I stomped over to the closet. Ignoring the mirror, I grabbed one of his uniforms ( _ why does he have ten of these but no good clothes? He should stop sending Takaaki so much money.) _ and quickly put it on. Grabbing and undershirt I slipped it over my head before pulling the jacket on.

Checking the clock, it was just over half an hour past 6 and the kitchen wouldn’t be open until 7. I needed to plan, but he had 6 hours. I could always practice that eyeshadow I bought.  _ I should look good when I tell Takaaki off, don’t I?  _

Grabbing the small laptop that had been knocked down I opened it. It still worked, so I quickly started looking for ideas.

-

Looking in the mirror I nodded to myself. It was far from perfect but it looked better than anything Kiyotaka could do.  _ He would be too cowardly for something like this! _ Grabbing one of the wipes from under the sink I started rubbing it off. It was annoying that he didn’t have anything better but Kiyotaka was so cheap. He hadn’t even touched this stuff! Stepping out of the bathroom, I glanced over at the clock. Nearly a quarter past 7. 

Walking out, I kept my steps even as I made my way to the elevator. No one was in the hall and as the elevator doors closed the hallway was silent. _ Good, the last thing I need is someone to talk to me. I need this time to plan.  _

Stepping out, I could faintly hear people talking. Frowning, I made my way to the kitchen. Purple bitch was sitting with goth freak, eating together.  _ Girlfriends?  _ Walking over to the counter. I grabbed some bread and shoved it in the toaster. 

Leaning against the counter next to it, I looked around the kitchen. It was almost entirely empty, and the few who were there took up so little in such a large room. There were the girls in one corner as well as those girls who I ran into yesterday. Some guy was talking to some furry things in a corner, and a blonde girl was talking to some short guy and grey-haired girl. In another corner, some white-haired guy was talking to a brown-haired guy who looked tired.

The toast popped up and I grabbed a plate and some butter. Spreading it on my toast, I put the knife in the sink and walked over to a table far enough away from everyone else. Purple bitch stared at me from the corner of her eye while her partner spoke softly and sipped her drink.  _ Ugh, they think they’re SO-O-O much better than me, huh? They can fuck off!  _

-

Walking out of the kitchen, I headed straight for the garden. A couple people walked past me as I made my way to the stairs. Walking up, I realized just how weak his body was.  _ Ugh, so useless.  _ Stepping into the 3rd-floor hallway, I made my way to the elevator. 

“‘Ey, Taka! Can we talk?”

Turning around, I saw Biker boy running towards me.  _ What the fuck even is his hair? Of course I don't want to ta- Wait… _

“Hm? Could we talk later? I’m busy right now, but we can talk in my room at, let’s say 12:30?”

“Huh, Yeah, sure! I’ll see ya then.”

  
  


“Great!” I smiled, stepping into the elevator and pressing the button for the 5th floor.  _ He could come in handy for what I had in mind _ . The only issue was how to get Takaaki to cooperate _. Or do I have to? He’s probably tired from the nightshift, not to mention pissed at Kiyotaka for ignoring his texts! Oh, this is going to be a lot of fun! _

Stepping out I walked past the bench and over to the edge to the garden. It was on the top part of the dormitories section so I could see all around the school and courtyard. I could see the front entrance, where Takaaki would no doubt enter from. He said we would meet outside, and he would no doubt not want to waste his time on his son.  _ He has a lot to pay for.  _

I could hear footsteps behind me as I looked out. Ignoring them I kept looking.  _ I can tell Takaaki off, and Biker boy, but there was a third.  _ Snapping my fingers, I remembered.  _ That small boy who hangs out with purple bitch! He didn’t value their friendship enough, did he?  _

_ What a shame, three people? A nice neat number, but it’s too bad that two of them go to school here. Cutting them off won’t be easy, but who am I kidding? I’m fucking Kiyondo Ishida! I’m better than these wannabes! _

_ Now… How to get the small one, nagie(?), to join us? Hmm, maybe I can invite him like I did with corn head? Or I could get someone else to… Like that purple bitch! I just have to find her, Can’t be too hard, right? I’ll go ask someone. _

Turning around I found myself staring right back at the girl in question. She was sitting with some blonde guy but was clearly watching me. Smirking, I motioned for her to follow me as I walked over to a different part of the garden.

-

“So, will you do it?”

Crossing her arms she fixed me with a cold stare.

“Why should I? You haven’t told me anything, and I have no reason to trust you. Ishimaru, maybe, but you have made it rather transparent that you and he are not the same.”

“‘Cause you have questions. I’ve seen ya watchin’ me, I can tell ya anythin’ you wanna know. If you do this for me, then I will provide answers.”

She looked me over before sighing and holding her hand out.

“Fine, I will tell Makoto to meet ‘me’ at 12:30.”

Smiling, I took her hand and shook it.

“Perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> W h o o p s. I was wrong, the end while be split into 2 parts apparently. My bad! I hope this was good, I needed Kiyondo to do some prep before his **Master Plan **.****


	48. Chapter 48

Walking out of the building I could see Takaaki standing a couple yards ahead of me. He was in a grey button-up and khakis, he had his arms crossed and was standing stiff as a board. _No wonder Kiyotaka’s like he is, this guy looks like an asshole._

“Hey, ‘Dad’! How’re you?” I asked, lifting my arms like I was offering a hug, before dropping them when he didn’t move. His glare only hardened as he looked me up and down.

“You are late.” He replied looking down at his clock

“Yeah by like 3 minutes, What’d ya need anyhow?”

“I need you to tell me Who you are and where my son is! You are clearly not my son, and what the hell have you done to your hair!”

Walking closer I could see his face twisted in disgust as he leaned back slightly. 

“Not a very good father if you can’t recognize your own son! Ah, I would love to talk but I double booked. It was great to see you ‘father’! I am perfectly fine, and very clearly your son, so if you wouldn’t mind going...”

“What have you done? My son would never act like this, He has goals that he is working towards! You are just a distraction.” He yelled, pointing at me accusingly. 

“Does he?” I asked, tilting my head. “Or do _you_ have goals? Here, I’ll give ya a hint. I’m actually planning on explaining everything, but you’ll have to wait for th' others, ya know?”

“Wha-”

“Alrigh’ bye, See ya later.”

Walking off I made sure that I could hear his footsteps before speeding up. He was walking cactus behind me and I could hear him stifling his cough. _He looks so sick! It’s disgusting, Kiyotaka could destroy him! And he’s on the police force? HA!_

I made my way to the elevator and waited for him to get in before pressing the button. He glared at me but stepped in anyway. He kept his arms crossed firmly and his eyes closed. 

“Y’know it’s not a good idea to keep ya eyes closed. I might attack ya fer all ya know!” I said, before laughing.

“What is wrong with your speech? You were talking comprehensively just moments ago.” 

He had opened his eyes and was side-eyeing me warily.

“Mm? I really have no idea. Perhaps it’s my self-conscious knowing I don’t quite know who I am or what I want to be, or maybe I jus’ like messin’ around!” I replied easily, laughing to myself. He glared again, _He sure is mad!_ Before stepping away from me slightly.

As the lift dinged, I stepped out with Takaaki following. Biker bitch boy was standing outside of my room and perked up when he saw me.

“Ah! Er- hey Taka, who’s tha’?”

I could see Takaaki sneering behind me at Biker boy’s words.

“Eh, doesn’ matter too much. I wanted ta talk to you two fer a sec- Oh you!” I pointed at the short boy leaving his room. _What did purple bitch call him? Masito?_ “I need to speak with you as well if you do not mind!”

“Uh sure, Taka-” 

“I AM NOT ‘TAKA’! FOR FUCK'S SAKE I AM ISHIDA KIYONDO GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!”

Takaaki was staring at me incredulously while Masito and Bike boy stared at me in awe and fear. Clearing my throat I smiled at them. 

“Sorry, but my room is rather a mess and I just wanted to give you three a little bit of ‘brain food’. Ya all fucked up, m’kay? An’ I’s yer fault ‘m here.”

“What? How on earth is it my fault that you’ve become a hooligan?” Takaaki replied indignantly. _God, he’s so dense._

“Here let me explain BECAUSE APPARENTLY, YOU’RE TOO DENSE TO UNDERSTAND! I am here to help Kiyotaka!”

“Protect ‘im from what?” Biker bitch asked, raising his eyebrows.

“From you!" I said loudly, pointing at Makoto. "Do you know how happy, how excited, he was to spend time with you? Do you know how much it hurts to be bruised off for no reason?"

"And you!" I turned towards Bike bitch, who stepped back with his hands raised. "Do you have  _ any _ clue how painful it is to hear that your friend- no your ‘bro’ thought of you as no more than a fucking joke? You’re worse than Daiki! He trusted you, he  _ relied _ on you.”

"AND YOU, YOU WERE THE WORST" I screamed pointing at Takaaki. "YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED WHEN HE WAS IN  _ TEARS _ . YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE WHEN HE REACHED OUT FOR HELP. YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE THAN TELL HIM TO SUCK IT UP AND GET BACK TO WORK. YOU WERE HIS LAST HOPE AND YOU FAILED. Do YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT CAN DESTROY A PERSON TO HAVE ALL THERE HOPE TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM?"

He stepped back so he was looking at all of them. 

"You should have cared! If you had, I wouldn't be here!" I said, pointing to my chest with a deranged smile. "I wouldn't need to exist if he didn't need me! BUT HE DOES, AND HERE I AM! THAT’S WHAT I HAVE TO PROTECT HIM FROM! HE’S TOO MUCH OF A COWARD TO TELL YOU!”

“I hardly think-” Takaaki said, he looked confused and upset. I could feel the anger running through me. _I can’t fail, this is what I have to do and then I can live as ME. Just finish the job, get them to understand and I can be free!_

“Oh, no, no, no, you were the worst of them all! Masito? He should have done better but in the end? Kiyotaka has dealt with worse.” I said stepping closer to him. 

“Bike bitch? Horrible, He was worse than Daiki and I will make him pay, but who did Kiyotaka turn to after all of that? Who did he trust? You!”

Paling, Takaaki stepped back. He still glared at me and I felt the strongest urge to punch him.

“Look, It’s too late now, so just go. Get out of his life, it's not like it matters, he’s not coming back, y’know.”

“What?” It was Masito who spoke up first. Bike boy looked like someone told him his mom was dead and Takaaki was still glaring. 

“We can’t try and fix this?” He asked, pleadingly. 

“Fix what? His shit life? C’mon, none of ya knew how bad it was, ya still don’t! Why would you get a second chance? It’s my turn now!”

“Please! We can do better, we- we can help him! You said you were there to help him right? We can do that! We can help him! Please, just give us a second chance!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't like this chapter. I hate how awkwardly paced it is and I feel like I just fucked up this entire thing. I don't know how to resolve this so... VOTE NOW IN THE COMMENTS! No, seriously give me some ideas and I might use them.
> 
> I might rewrite this so if tomorrow I say I have then I probably will have made it better. Also, thank you for all the sweet comments and such!


	49. Chapter 49

“Please! We can do better, we- we can help him! You said you were there to help him, right? We can do that! We can help him! Please, just give us a second chance!”

_ You said you were there to help him, right?  _

_ Is that all I am? I should agree, should give Kiyotaka a chance… but what about me? Am I supposed to just disappear? Does he even know what he’s asking of me? Does he know what will happen? Would he care? Does anyone care? Should I let him?  _

_ Should I do my job, or should I save myself? _

“Fuck off.” I said to him. Venom seeping into my tone as I stormed off into the elevator. 

_ Does he know what he’s asking me to forgive? Does he know how much I would give up? Should I do it? And… even if I should, would I?  _ Could  _ I?  _

**It had only been a short time, or at least I thought it was short- I didn’t have a good idea of time. I had been floating up and down but recently I had been staying higher. Sometime I would hear snippets of the conversations that Kiyotaka would hear. I understood what I had to do, and it made me mad that I couldn’t do anything about those stupid bullies!**

**Kiyotaka was just starting middle school, and I knew it wouldn’t be much different unless I could make my plan work. I could hear what was said, when Kiyotaka was upset enough, it was muffled, but I could hear it none the less. Most recently, I had been caught on something his grandfather said. I almost always heard those conversations, just mentioning Toranosuke could make him anxious.**

**He had spoken to Kiyotaka’s mom like she was just another one of his employees like she wasn’t part of the family. He would use sharp words and would spare no one’s feelings. He had made Kiyotaka cry on many occasions, to the point of his mother trying to ban Toranosuke from their house. Takaaki would always insist “it was fine” and that “Kiyotaka would have to get used to the criticism anyway.”**

**He had told Kiyotaka about weakness. I knew that he was hiding his tears but I listened closely.** **_This could be what helps him!_ ** **The man spoke harshly and criticized everything. It was hard to hear and I knew Kiyotaka would be desperately trying to keep his tears hidden. The rough voice stopped, and I heard footsteps getting closer.**

**_“Pathetic”_ **

**_It was such a simple word, but he could feel Kiyotaka tensing and his tears overflowing. It was only 8 letters. It was a single word, not even a sentence, but he could feel it breaking Kiyotaka’s heart. He didn't know why it wasn’t a big deal, was it? He’d been called worse, why was this one so horrid? Why didn’t he tell his mother this time? He would always go to her, she would take him in his arms and I would sink down and down._ **

**_This time was different. This time he went into his room, which was the bedroom they all shared and cried. He had curled up and as he cried I didn’t sink, I just stayed floating. 4_ **

_ Why are you crying? Is what he said wrong? _

**_I was thinking to myself but when I heard his voice talking back to me, I was taken by surprise._ **

**_“I suppose not”_ **

**_It was enough to scare him, but he thought back to the words as the muffled sobs and sniffles faded to the background. So, he is pathetic? Is that something I can fix? If I fix that, would he be happy? Would he be safe?_ **

_ Standing in the elevator I pressed the 5th-floor button and as the machine took me up the words repeated. “If I fix that, would he be happy? Would he be safe?” _

_ That had been my goal, hadn’t it? I had wanted him to be happy and safe. Not just ok, not just away from what would hurt him. I wanted him to be… happy. I- I really fucked that up. He’s not happy, he’s not even close to happy.  _

_ Is that still my goal? What  _ is  _ my goal? When did that stop being my goal? Did it ever? I want him to be happy, he’s a weak nothing, but it’s my job to take care of him. But do I care only about my job? Or having a life of my own? Could I even have a life of my own in someone else’s world? _

As the door opened I made my way over to where the bench was only to find that strange man sitting there. He smiled and waved to me before turning back to the redhead who was seated next to him. Turning around I walked over to a small area that was away from everyone else. Taking a deep breath I felt myself float back until I found myself in the dark blue space. Kiyotaka was in front of me, he seemed surprised to see me. 

I looked him over, he couldn’t be damaged or deprived of anything but his posture was off and he just looked  _ sad.  _

Taking a deep breath I felt myself rise up again and I could see him watching me with sad eyes. As he sank down he looked tired, like he had already resigned to this. It was depressing to watch him wave as his body faded away. Surfacing, I took in a breath before standing up. It felt nice to have control over this body,  _ do I really want to get rid of this?  _

Walking out of the garden I opted for the stairs, so I could take a minute to think this through. I made it down to the third floor but no one was there, going back down the stairs I went down to the main level. I could see Masito walking towards the kitchen.

Walking over to him, I grabbed his arm. Turning around, he opened his mouth to yell but closed it when he saw me. Eyes wide, he turned to completely face me.

Taking in a deep breath, I looked him dead in the eye. 

“Did you mean what you said?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not writing yesterday but everything has been fixed! I finally got an idea partly thanks to lovely for suggesting a flashback! Thank you so much for your patience and ideas! <3


	50. Chapter 50

“I-I’m sorry, What?” He looked at me questioningly, with wide eyes.

“What you said before, about helping him. Did you mean that?” I was gripping his arm tightly and as I stared into his eyes I could tell he was confused.  _ He could be forgiven. It was small enough that as long as they keep distance, it will be fine. I just need to make sure I remind him once I get the others to go. Then Kiyotaka can be happy! He can live a life without them! _

“I- yeah, of course.” He looked me over, nervously. “Why? D-did you think I didn’t? Did you change your mind?” He looked at me hopefully.

“M-maybe… I just need to talk to the others.” Letting go of his arm, I quickly walked over to the kitchen. Stepping in I looked around and saw Biker bitch sitting at a table with that short guy who was with the redhead before.

Striding over, I stood in front of the table with my arms crossed. Quieting, they looked up at me expectantly.

“Wadda ya want? Ya made yerself pretty damn clear ya don’ wanna talk ta me.”

“Well, now I need to ask you something, do you mind?” I asked, looking at the shorter boy.

“Erm, no that's fine. I’ll catch up with you later?” 

He stood up before awkwardly waving to bike boy and leaving. Sitting down, I took a deep breath before meeting cornhead,  _ God, what was his name? Masho? Eh, not like it matters right? I’m just going to go, aren’t I? Does it even matter if I know his name? Agh, this isn’t the fucking time! _

“So, Masho-”

“It’s mondo, an’ ya don’ get ta call me that. Ya can call me Oowada.”

Rolling my eyes, I continued. 

“Oowada, You seemed to want Kiyotaka to come back, yes?”

“Yeah, no shit. Ya a fuckin’ psycho an’ he’s my bro.”

“Cut the crap, Oowada. You built him up to tear him down, that's why I’m here. I know you faked it. You have no reason to obscure the truth any longer, just tell me you’ll stay away from him.”

“The hell? Why the fuck would I do that, huh? Because some shitty wannabe said to?”

“Because you're what caused this, you know. It’s your fault and this would be you taking responsibility,” Narrowing my eyes, I glared at him sharply. “Not that you would know anything about that.”

\---

(Mondo POV)

“Not that you would know anything about that.”

**_Who the fuck does this guy think he is, talkin’ ta me? I’ll show him responsibility._ ** Cracking my knuckles I let my hair cover half my face as I grinned menacingly.

“Ya wanna run that by me again?”

“Fine.” He sat up, still glaring daggers at me. “You aren’t responsible and only hurt those around you. Those are the reasons for you to STAY. AWAY. or is that too complex for you?”

“Oh, I’ll show you ta stay away!”

Sighing, he shook his head before standing up. 

“This is going nowhere. Look, you lied to Kiyotaka and it crushed him. You should have put together that it would be in his best interest for YA TO FUCKIN’ STAY AWAY!”

“...What? I didn’ lie ta ‘im.”

“Yes, you did! Your whole friendship, if you can even call it that, was because of your dare, no? That seems like a lie to me, Oowada.”

**_What? That stupid bet Leon made?_ **

“Wha- no! Taka ‘s my friend!”

“Is he really? Then why am I here and not him?”

“I don’ know! One day we were eatin’ together an’ the next yer here! I don’ know why. That bet was stupid, I wasn’ his friend jus’ because o’ somethin’ Leon said!”

“... I wanna bring ‘im back. I wanna make ‘im happy, but yer th’ one who ruined it for ‘im in the first place, y’know? Why should I trust ya again?”

“‘Cause… I like ‘im.” I could feel my face heating up and I turned away. “I like ‘im and I want ‘im back.”

I could feel him staring at me before I heard him sigh softly. 

“This will be the last chance at anything. If, and only if, I decide he should come back, then I suppose you can stay.”

“Fer real?” I asked looking up at him, excitedly. “You’d leave an’ he’d come back?”

“...Yes… that would be how it would go…” 

\----

_ Does he want me to leave that badly? Do they all hate me enough that they would take someone like  _ him _ over me? Am I even worse than Kiyotaka? How can I help someone I’m worse than! I can’t do my job if he’s better than me! I can’t fix him or keep him safe if I can’t even fix myself! _

Standing up I nodded to him before leaving the kitchen. I made my way to the elevator. Purple bitch was standing next to it waiting. Turning to me she looked me up and down.

“So, what  _ did _ you need Makoto for?”

_ Makoto! That was it, ah well, not like anything I think even matters anymore. It's all going to be wiped away. Gone forever to never be thought of again. _

“Nothing important, I just had to tell him something.” I replied, curtly. I could feel her eyes watching me as I stared dutifully at the metal doors.

“Sounded important with all the screaming.”

“Mm.” 

As we stepped in I made sure to leave plenty of space between us as I pressed the button for the third floor. Watching her choose the fourth. As it moved up, she continued glancing over at me. When the  _ ding  _ finally sounded and as I stepped out, I could feel her eyes on me. I heard the doors close before I walked over to Kiyotaka’s room and opened the door

Stepping into the room, I ignored the clutter and fixed a chair that had been knocked over. Sitting down, I pulled out his tattered phone. Flipping it open, I found that there was a new message for Takaaki. Suspicious, I opened it. 

**Takaaki (Father)**

_ You were correct. We need to talk, would you like to meet up and do so? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a great chapter, the pacing is awkward but I didn't really know what to do so, here this is.
> 
> uuuuuh, Happy 50 chapters? I really didn't think I would get this far but here we are! I'm sorry that this is kinda low quality but I hope you liked it anyways!
> 
> I kinda want to try some more oneshots to try different styles, so if you have any ideas or even just songs you think might work I'd be happy to take them. Have a great day and stay safe <3


	51. Chapter 51

(Takaaki POV)

“who did Kiyotaka turn to after all of that? Who did he trust? You!”

I could feel my stomach drop as this  _ lunatic  _ raved on and on about what happened.

“Look, It’s too late now, so just go. Get out of his life, it's not like it matters, he’s not coming back, y’know.”

**_What. “not coming back?” what does he mean not coming back? He_ ** **has** **_to come back. I have no one left! I need him, he’s all I have! He’s my son, what does he mean too late? He was just here!_ **

I had zoned out and didn’t hear what the other said until I snapped back at a lull in their argument.

The boy- Ishida, he had said, stomped into the elevator. The smaller boy seemed especially upset. The taller, I could have sworn I’ve seen him before, seemed confused as he looked around at all of us.

Pursing my lips, I think back to what he said. **_"YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED WHEN HE WAS IN TEARS. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE WHEN HE REACHED OUT FOR HELP. YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE THAN TELL HIM TO SUCK IT UP AND GET BACK TO WORK. YOU WERE HIS LAST HOPE AND YOU FAILED.” Failed, he said I failed. Just like my father, just like they said I would._**

I stepped past the shorter boy and went for the stairs. I could hear the last couple words repeating in my head **_. You failed, You failed, You failed, You failed, You failed, You failed, You failed, You failed. I failed him, he was all I had left and I failed him._ **

**_What do I do now?_ **

-

Offering to meet up, especially how  _ Ishida  _ left after, could be risky. I migh be been an officer but I’m still weak and don’t really want to hurt my son. That was assuming that I am even taken up on the offer. I can understand why  _ Ishida _ might turn me down. Instead, I made his way down the street for a bit until I found a park and walked around, waiting for a reply.

The park made a large loop so by the time I had finished the loop I felt a buzz in my hand. Checking my phone, I held my breath. 

**_Kiyotaka_ **

_ Fine. When and where. _

I felt my shoulders relax as I hurried to type out a reply as quickly as I could. Looking around, my eyes landed on a small coffee shop nearby.

_ There is a small place called the perfect cup, as soon as you can. _

**Kiyotaka**

_ K _

Nodding, I walked out of the park and over to the building. It wasn’t particularly remarkable, but it would be fine. Ordering a small coffee, I sat down at a two-person table in the corner. I could see the door and even as I went to grab his coffee I kept glancing at the door.

When the small bells rang I looked up to see my son or whatever version of him this was. Meeting my gaze, the other walked over and dropped into the chair across from me. He was slouching and was visibly angry. Seeing my son’s face twisted into a look of such disgust and hatred was strange, and frankly, unnerving.

“Alright, I got some things ta say ta ya first so listen up. I have realized that perhaps it would be in my best interest to bring Kiyotaka back, but I have some conditions for you.”

Raising my eyebrow, I took a sip of my coffee.

“Conditions?”

“Mhm, if I am to bring Kiyotaka back I would hope for you to stay th’ hell outta his life.”

The switching accents were starting to give me a headache. Ignoring that I stared at him in shock.

“I am his father! I could not leave him alone!”

“Why? It would not harm him, he would continue to live in the dorms and would move out immediately after. It would not be difficult for you to stay away, after all, you already do that most of the time.”

Glaring at me, he finally sat up a little and looked at me with his eyebrows raised.

“Do you even deserve to really call yourself his father? I mean sure, his “friends” made him sad but you did end up destroying him, y’know. All you ever do is project, project, project, and then you force him to do what you want.”

Standing up, he looked down at me.

“I think it would be best  _ for him _ . Trust me, I’ll know if you don’t.”

\---

(Ishida POV)

Walking out of the building I could feel him watching me leave. I smirked, I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist something for the sake of his son. It was pathetic how easy to manipulate he was when it came to Kiyotaka.  _ How Ironic.  _

I made my way back to Hope's Peak. It was like walking into a nightmare. It was colder and I could practically feel the pressure fall unto my shoulders as I stepped. It felt like the ghost of Toranosuke was resting on my shoulders as I walked to the elevator.

The air was stale and my feet ached from walking.  _ Not that they’ll be mine much longer, nothing will.  _

_ Was I ready to really do this? To sacrifice for his happiness? Was it even worth questioning when I knew what my choice would be in the end? _

_ I have a job to do, and even if it costs me, I have to do it, don’t I? _

As the doors slid open, I stepped out. The boots felt heavier than normal as I dragged my feet towards his room. The door seemed to loom over me as I slowly pushed it open. Walking over, I untied the shoes and started to fix the room. 

I did so silently. I felt like I was in mourning of something.  _ Not that a screw-up like me deserves mourning. Is it even mourning if I was hardly ever alive? Was I ever alive?  _

When all the shelves and chairs were fixed I slowly made the bed.  _ Why even bother delaying the inevitable? I’m going to do it, why bother trying to stall? _

Regardless, I kept fixing everything until I found the picture of Kiyotaka and his mother. Ignoring it I shoved it under some papers before sitting tentatively on the edge of  ~~ my ~~ his bed.

_ Maybe this would be for the best… _

_ Maybe I can do better… _

_ Maybe I can help him… _

_ Maybe I’ll just fade to nothing… _

_ But it doesn’t matter what happens to me, I’m not anything… _

_ Maybe I never was... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked this chapter, writing Takaaki gave me a chance to really give him the start for some good Character development. I would have preferred this to be the 50th chapter. 
> 
> Got a lot of comments saying how they're sad bc Ishida just got developed in a likable way and now he's not gonna be happy. Whoops, it's him or Taka, who do you really want to be happy?


	52. Chapter 52

(Taka POV)

I had taken to thinking about the past, the future was too upsetting to think about. I thought to my grandfather, parents, peers, and everyone else. I could only assume it had been a couple of hours, but I really had no way of knowing. It felt like an eternity, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Nothing truly mattered anymore, all I had was an endless stretch of blue and purple. 

I had no feeling anymore, and it was almost laughable how quickly I had given up.  **_What would Father think? Grandfather would say I was weak, he’d be right._ **

When I saw the figure for the third time, I was confused. He wasn’t particularly upset, he just looked tired. As he sank to where I was floating, he looked up at me. He had what looked like flames around his eyes. Instead of glaring at me or floating back up, he smiled at me sadly as he continued to sink.

I could see him saying something, but we were too far apart and I couldn’t hear what it was. As I reached the surface, I reached upwards to try and reach for something above.

\--

_ Ding Dong Bing Bong _

He felt his arm drop down beside him as he looked up at his dorm ceiling.  **_What happened?_ ** Confused, he got up to answer the door. As he walked over, he wiped at his eyes, moving his hand away, Ihe could see something red staining it.  **_What the-_ **

Opening the door, he was greeted by Hiro grinning at him.

“Hey man! Kirigiri said I should come and check on ya! So, how ya hangin’ Ishida?”

“Pardon? Have you forgotten my name?”

“Huh?”He stretched at his head, looking down at Taka. “Weren’t ya just sayin’ ya were Ishida, though! Man, Maybe  _ I’m  _ the one who got possessed! Ahahaha! Anyway, how’re ya, though?”

“I am fine, I have a small headache. May I trouble you for the date?”

“Sure, man! It’s (Insert date here), why?”

“What? No, that doesn’t make any sense, It was just the (insert date from 2 days earlier than previous date).”

“So you were possessed!”

“What? Ghosts and spirits do not exist, saying such ludacris things will only make you unrespectable. I was not possessed, I’m sure there is a logical reason for this.”

“I don’ know man, you seemed pretty off when we talked yesterday. Kept going on about how you weren’t… well- you, and that how you weren’t possessed.”

“Well of course I wasn’t!”

“Calm down, dude. I’m just sayin’ it’s real suspicious.”

“Yes, I will talk to Father about this, he would know. Thank you for checking on me, Hiro.”

Waiting for the voice to pipe up Taka was surprised to hear nothing. Nothing about how he didn’t deserve the care and nothing about relying on others too much. The voice wouldn’t have been wrong, but to not hear it was strange.  **_Even the voices don’t care about you anymore._ **

_ No… No, I just realized something… _

**_You’re still there?_ **

_ You saw me, remember? I was in charge for the two days. Consider it a vacation from everything. _

**_Oh… That was you?_ **

_ Yeah, I won’t be around for a while. I- I need to think some things through. _

Smiling at Hiro he shut the door and walked over to his bed and sat down. Looking at his hands he let his head drop. 

**_Did anything happen while I was out?_ **

_ … _

_ You’ll see, I suppose.  _

**_Nothing I don’t deserve I suppose._ **

_ Don’t say that… _

Getting up, he grabbed his phone off the desk. There was a single new message.

**Takaaki (Father)**

Fine. You are correct, I shall do as you say.

**_What does he mean by “as you say?”_ **

_ It is all for you, it would be in your best interest to cut ties with him. You can manage without him, and I believe you should. Him, as well as Makoto, and if you can, Oowada. _

**_What- but they are the few people who stand me, even if it’s as a joke, I would rather that to being alone…_ **

_ They hurt you, it would be better to not have that!  _

**_You- you cut them out, didn’t you?_ **

_ I did it for you! _

**_I’m going to be alone forever, Picked off in a dark alley like Mother was. I’m going to die with no one!_ **

_ No! I’m sure you’ll find someone, it-it’ll be better in the long run! _

**_But Makoto didn’t do anything and Mondo… I really enjoyed my time with mondo- but this is what I deserve for needing help. I really am pathetic._ **

_ No, you can get them back! Right? You a-aren’t pathetic-  _

Standing up he walked into the bathroom.

“Gah! What on earth happened to my hair! And my face!”

_ It’s just dye… you can redye it or wait for it to fade, and th-there are face wipes under the sink… _

**_Thanks…_ **

**_Why- why did you…_ **

_ Don’t worry about it you- just don’t worry about it. _

Wiping off the makeup he looked at his hair. Shaking his head he tiredly changed into his sleeping clothes and went to turn the lights off. As he slipped, under the covers he felt himself drift off quickly.

That night he tossed and turned all night. His dreams full of purple lights and mirrors

\---

(Takaaki POV)

**_For your son. It’s all for Kiyotaka. Just press send, do it for him._ **

Pressing send he looked at the message he had sent.

_ Fine. You are correct, I shall do as you say. _

He would stay away. He would do anything he needed to. He had hurt Kiyotaka, and if he needed for Takaaki to leave then he would, for his sake. It hurt, from where he was sitting, reading on their ratty old couch he could see the framed pictures he had. They didn’t have too many, but the ones they did have were precious. Some were photos of his wife and some had younger Kiyotaka.

There were very few recent ones and the idea of not being able to create new ones to join the collection was something that tore at his heart.

**_It’s for Kiyotaka, it’s all for him._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so we have officially resolved any Kiyondo, but now Taka has to fix everything. I think I might do a chapter for each character. Might do a little epilogue at the end, if you guys aren't already sick of this fic. Remember me saying there was no way it would go past 50 chapters? Hahahahaha I was a fool.
> 
> thanks for all the sweet comments, though! and I hope I write Hiro ok.
> 
> and yes, Kiyondo is trying to be better, it's not easy and its new for him but he's trying.


	53. Chapter 53

Waking up felt surreal. He could still see the purple lights fading as he sat up. Looking at the clock on his wall, he checked the clock. Standing up, he double-checked on his phone. It was already 8:30 am! He hadn’t slept in so late since he was a child! He had already missed the beginning of school.  **_The one thing I’m known for I can’t even do that correctly._ **

_ That’s- uh, not your fault, though? I mean I’m the one who took your body and um, you needed to sleep because of me, I guess. _

**_I still should have done better!_ **

_ It’s not your fault! _

**_I should have set an alarm if I was so tired!_ **

_ You shouldn’t beat yourself up about it! _

Sighing, he walked over to the bathroom. He looked like a mess, his hair felt coarse, and there were still light smudges around his eyes making them look red and irritated. His back ached,  **_What did you do?_ ** His feet hurt, and his throat felt scratchy. Turning on the shower, he grabbed one of his uniforms and put it down on the sink.

  
  


Stepping out of the shower, he dried off and put on the uniform. He still felt awful, but maybe he could hide it. Grabbing the face wipes, he wiped off the rest of the makeup. His feet hurt so he grabbed a pair of worn-out sneakers, they weren’t much better than the boots, but they were still more supportive. 

Walking out, he checked the hallway, no one was around **_. Yeah, because they’re in class, as I should be!_ **

_ Shouldn’t you like, eat breakfast first?  _

**_But then I would get fatter and uglier!_ **

_ Nah, I think you’d be fine, c’mon, just something small? _

**_I- I really don’t think I should…_ **

_ You’ll be fine! Just suck it up and eat! _

_ FUCK- SHIT- I mean, just eat something, please. _

**_O-ok…_ **

Taking the elevator downstairs, he stepped out and walked into the kitchen. Looking around, he saw Makoto and Kirigiri sitting at a table together. When The shorter saw him, he got up and walked over.

“Hey, Ishida?” Makoto asked, looking at him.

“Have you forgotten my name as well? Is this some sort of joke? I am Kiyotaka Ishimaru, I do not know any Ishida.”

“Wait- Taka? You’re back?” He stopped where he stood, his eyes wide.

“I do not believe I ever left. Are you well?”

“I’m fine! A-are you? Wh-when you were gone, Ishida said somethings about you and-”

“Ahahahah! I am perfectly fine!”  **_What did you tell them?_ ** “You do not need to worry about me!”

“...I still think we should talk. Please?”

“Um... Alright, if you insist…”

Smiling weakly the other nodded before turning back and walking back over to Kirigiri.  **_Look what you’ve done! He’s worried over something so stupid as me-_ **

_ HE SHOULD BE! _

_ It’s my fault but- You aren’t happy like this! You need to tell him! _

**But then-**

_ No, you need to be happy, Tell him. _

**_Won’t he just hate me because of-_ **

_ You need to tell him! _

Sighing, Taka walked over to the counter. Grabbing a slice of bread, he put it in the toaster. Pushing it down, he grabbed a plate and hesitantly reached for a butter knife. Reaching over, he grabbed the butter dish. 

When the toast finished, he spread a thin layer of butter over it before putting it on the plate and walking over to the table that the other two were sitting at. 

“Do you mind if I…” He asked, gesturing to the empty chair in front of him.

“No, go ahead!” Makoto said, smiling at him. 

Makoto had a bowl of cereal in front of him while Kirigiri just had half a bagel left on her plate. She looked him over, trying to not react, he smiled weakly back at Makoto and sat down.

Picking up the toast he took a small bite, Makoto started to chatter happily to him and Kirirgiri, she would occasionally point something out or answer. Makoto seemed happy to do most of the talking, as Taka nodded along.

When Makoto had finished, as well as Kirigiri and himself, they walked over to the dishwasher and dropped them in before Makoto waved to Kirigiri and grabbed Taka's hand, gently tugging him along to the elevator. 

“Like I said, we need to talk. So- um, I’m taking you to my room, we can be comfortable. I won’t tell anyone anything if you want to talk to me! You don’t have to- but I do want to hang out with you.”

“Um, yeah, sure, but you should be going to class! Academics are very important!”

“Taka, you know, the teachers don’t really care as long as we improve our talents, and that's kind of what you're doing! Isn’t that your talent? Helping others?”

“In a sense, I am here to help you choose the right choice and to help you be successful.”

“Well, you’re going to help me! Ok?”

“Alright, If you say so…”

Makoto’s face was bright pink and he hadn’t let go of Taka’s fingers. Shrugging it off, Taka watched him press the 3rd-floor button.

When the doors slid open Makoto pulled him along and over to his room. It was rather plain but still seemed more lively than Taka's room. He had a couple posters on the wall and a small fridge in one corner. His bed was tucked into another corner, the sheets and pillows were a light grey. He had filled the shelves with small items and a few books.

Sitting down on the bed, Makoto gestured to a cushioned chair he had. Tentatively, Taka sat down and let himself relax against the chair. It was soft and Makoto moved around the pillows so he was leaning back against the wall. Looking over at Taka, he smiled softly, before leaning forward. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly and he looked almost concerned.

“So, you wanna talk about anything?”

_ Talk to him, trust me, for you. Do this, for you. Please, you need this. _

**_I don’t want to lose him as a friend!_ **

_ You won’t! Just tell him a little, like, tell him about Daiki or something. _

“There is something… If you don’t mind…”

“Of course not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best, but it's not horrible. Ishida is trying his best, Taka is getting help, and Makoto is just a worried friend™️
> 
> Thanks so much for the sweet comments! They really made my day! This story will be over once I find a good stopping point, it's nice to know you guys re still enjoying it, though!


	54. Chapter 54

“There is something… If you don’t mind…”

“Of course not.”

“I- I don’t really know where to start, I could tell you about Daiki?”

“Who’s that?” The shorter boy prompted, tilting his head to the side.

“He was a fellow classmate back at Kaiseidan. He- he tricked me into believing him to be my friend, I was such a fool. Ahaha Although, that’s my fault, I shouldn’t have trusted him.”

“What? Taka, no, that was  _ his  _ fault for being a jerk! You didn’t deserve that.” He said, his eyebrows scrunched up in concern.

“No, it wasn’t his fault, he was doing it on a dare, I should have known better.”

**_Yeah you stupid Idiot, you knew how they felt about you! You should have known better you piece of trash!_ **

_ STOP! This is for you! You should stop putting yourself down, just- just talk, ok? _

“Taka, Taka no, he shouldn’t have done that. What could you have possibly done to deserve that?”

“Ah, It was more of a hate for my family, they hated my grandfather, and by relation, me. It’s just karma, is it not?”

“No! Of course not, you don’t deserve that! Jeez- Is that really what you think?”

“Well, it was the most logical reason… and I suppose it stuck with me…”

Sitting up, the born-haired boy stepped over to where Taka was sitting and wrapped his arms around him. 

“You really don’t deserve that, that shit! You're really nice and kind and- You just deserve real friends!”

“Ahahaha! You are very kind Makoto!”

“No! I’m being serious, you shouldn't have had to deal with that!”

“It was still nice to have someone, even if they did fake it.”

“Well, you’re not alone anymore! You can always talk to me!”

“...Thank you.”

“Of course! That’s what  _ real  _ friends do!”

“Hah, Do you need any help with homework? This has been nice, but I do not wish to talk further if you do not mind.”

“Sure! I’m really struggling in history.”

Walking over to where his backpack was and grabbed his notebook. Sitting down next to Taka, they started going over the material.

It felt nice, almost intimate. The atmosphere was warm but not suffocatingly so. It was just like that voice had said. 

**_What is your name? I apologize for not inquiring earlier._ **

_ Ishida, I guess.  _

**_Thank you, Ishida. You were... correct._ **

_ ‘M just glad you did it. _

They talked softly about the lessons for a while, Taka pointing out certain details and Makoto asking him questions. It was nice and after a little while, they had moved unto the bed. After a couple hours Makoto stretched and got up.

“I’m pretty hungry, you wanna get lunch?”

_ Yes, you do. _

**_But-_ **

_ No, go eat something small. _

“Uh, yes, that would be nice.”

\---

(Mondo POV)

Walking to class, Mondo looked around the classroom anxiously. Ishida had said that he  _ might _ let Taka back, and if he did, he would probably be in class. Sitting down, he scanned the room. Kirirgiri and Naegi weren’t in and Taka wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Frowning, he sat down next to Chihiro.

“Uh, Chi? Have you seen Taka today?”

“Hm? No, why?”

“Jus’ wonderin’” 

**_Was Ishida lyin’ the whole time? Did ‘e not change back inta Taka? Shit, what if I don’ see taka again? Fuck, I gotta tell him I like if I do see ‘im. Fuck, I don’ wanna lose another brother._ **

**_\---_ **

(Taka POV)

Walking down the stairs to the kitchen he and Makoto made small talk. The entire time Taka could feel his skin itching as his brain screamed at him to  **_not throw away his progress! Don’t eat, you’re not_ ** **that** **_hungry_ ** and  **_He just wants to ruin you!_ **

All of the points being disputed by Ishida. Ishida was yelling just as loud, telling his brain to shut up and let Tak  _ Reach Happiness!  _ The yelling was starting to get grating and as they made their way downstairs Taka could feel his head throb. They didn’t stop if anything they just yelled louder as he walked into the kitchen. Smiling at him Makoto offered to go and grab the food for both of them. Too tired to argue, Taka just nodded, asking him for an apple.

As he walked over to the table the voices had quieted down, but they didn’t stop. Instead, taking to speaking sharply, which was just as painful as before. Sitting down, he leaned against his elbows, rubbing his forehead in a vain attempt to get the throbbing to stop. It was too early for anyone else to be in the lunchroom aside from the others who were skipping class. 

A brown-haired girl was in the kitchen grabbing food and stuffing into her mouth while a purple-haired girl, who he recognized as Mikan, nervously tried to stop her. He could hear someone whistling in the kitchen, who the brown-haired girl seemed to be watching impatiently.

When Makoto walked back over he handed Taka the apple before eating his own sandwich. He smiled brightly at Taka, and Taka weakly returned it. Taking a bite of his apple he chewed it thoughtfully. Ignoring the scandalized voice in his head he thought about eating with Daiki.

  
  


It had always felt cold, almost impersonal. Taka would always backtrack and stutter and try to impress the other boy while he would give half-assed answers. He would always smile, but it never reached his eyes. Taka had always taken lunch from the school and Daiki would always point out the food with the most fats and calories. Making snide remarks on his choices and looking at Taka in disgust. He never said it directly, but he still made himself very clear.

With Makoto, it felt different. Makoto was messy, he had mayo and crumbs around his mouth and seemed happy as he chatted away to Taka. He would effortlessly keep the conversation going and every word and smile felt genuine. He offered Taka some of his chips, which taka hesitantly took a couple of. He did it all with ease and an air of happiness around him. It was impressive to see how good he was with people.

Getting up, Makoto put his dishes away and jogged over to catch up to Taka at the doorway. He kept the small talk going as they took the elevator up and walked back over to his dorm. Taka could feel himself smiling lightly as they did. It was nice, Makot was easy to talk to and it felt real. 

  
**_Maybe I_ ** **can** **_have a real friend._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late I had no idea what to do but I hope you liked it!


	55. Chapter 55

Waving goodbye, Taka stepped out of Makoto’s room. They had been studying for a long time and Makoto had plans to talk with Kirigiri. He was still happy from the time with Makoto, it felt really nice to have someone to talk to. He had opened up to Makoto about his mother and he had told Taka about not feeling good enough. It felt  _ right _ .  **_Is this healing?_ **

Walking down the hall he saw Mondo getting out of the elevator with Fujisaki. Smiling, he waved at them as he walked over to his room. 

“Hello Mondo, Fujisaki!”

“Oh, hey Taka!”

“Eh? Taka?”

“Yes?”

“You, you ok?”

“Yes, I am!”

\---

(Ishida POV)

It was easier to stay near the surface these days. Kiyotaka seemed so unsure about everything that I can stay where I want with ease. I’ve managed to learn what I can and can't do and it’s much easier when he lets me.  _ Could I call him Taka? Are we even friends? What are we? Does he hate me?  _

“You, you ok?”

“Yes, I am!”

_ He is, isn’t he? I’m fading to the back again. I knew it, so why does it hurt so much? I should be happy that he can say that with honesty, I should be glad that he is getting support. Why do I not want this anymore?  _ _ I ~~should have stayed in power. It would have been better. I wouldn’t feel this way.~~ _ _ Yeah, but this is better, right? This was my goal and I made it! For real!  _

I let myself sink down to the middle area, it was darker, and if I could feel anything I might’ve said cold. I couldn’t hear what he said anymore,  _ Probably for the best.  _ Kiyotaka’s voice had been going off a lot today, and arguing against it was tiring. Every time Kiyotaka went to eat, went to speak, it was a battle.  ~~_ If I was still in control I would have it easy. _ ~~ _ But then Kiyotaka wouldn’t be happy!  _

Sinking further I could almost feel the darkness creeping in. Faintly, I could hear Kiyotaka humming, his inner voice was quiet too. Looking around all I could see was blue, all I ever saw was blue, blue and purple. It used to be pretty, how the blue would gently fade, making way for a nice purple, now it was disgusting. The colors were getting old, I wanted to see red again, see green and yellow, and orange! I wanted to put on makeup again! I wanted to live,  _ but then he won’t get too. He’s our priority, he’s the more important one. _

The humming stopped, immediately on guard I rose up. I could hear Kiyotaka talking to someone, looking up I could see Bike bitch, he was red and I could tell Kiyotaka was getting flustered. 

I could hear him agreeing happily, he sounded  _ very  _ happy. I could practically feel him smiling _ , he was waving goodbye and flopping unto his bed, he seemed very happy… does he even need my help anymore? Of course, he still needs help, but he has Makoto now... Does he need an annoyance like me? FUCK HIM I GO WHERE I WANT, right? Could he get rid of me if he tried? _

I felt my back hit the bottom, it wasn’t as gentle as usual, it wasn’t my choice either.  _ He doesn’t need me, he’s sending me down…  _

_ Wow, no hesitation, he forgot me already. Is it greedy to want him to think of me? To not want him to forget me, even if I did ruin him? Do I deserve to be remembered? Am I even enough of a person to be a memory? Makoto seemed happy I was gone, Bike bitch and that leprechaun looking ass probably hate me. Fuck, even that dumbass adult was happy. _

_ I really have nothing, even my look is temporary, he’ll die it back or something like that and I’ll be gone, will I even exist here? Does it even matter when no one would care about me if I did exist?  _

_~~I should have stayed~~ , _ _ I let him back for a reason! I did my job! This is the happy end, I shouldn’t be whining like a child. How useless, how  _ pathetic.

\---

(Taka POV)

Running over to my bed I flopped down onto it.  **_Mondo asked me out! For real! Not out of pity, right? Probably, no one would do something like that for a joke!_ **

Sitting up, my cheeks hurt from my smile but I couldn’t stop, today was probably the best I’ve had in a while. Mondo explained the bet and how he really was his friend. It gave him butterflies thinking of how cute he looked. His face had been bright red and Fujisaki was laughing down the hall.

He had stuttered his way through a confession before answering Taka’s questions. He had explained it and promised him lunch tomorrow. It felt like the perfect bow on a wonderful day. Looking over to his nightstand he noticed his frame was gone. The picture was there, but the frame was gone. Picking up the picture He smiled down at it. 

**_Would she be happy for me? She always said she wanted me to find someone, would she be ok with it being a guy? Would she be mad? Would she want to meet him? I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I? Ahahaha I should calm down. I’m so excited! I sound like a little girl, aha._ **

Setting it back down he looked over at it gently. It was still one of the most important things to him. Her smile was so calming.  **_I think… She’d be happy for me. I think she’d be glad I found someone. I should visit her soon._ **

Untying his shoes, he slipped them off and laid back against the bed.  **_I bet Mondo would’ve liked her. They would have gotten along well, I bet. It would be so nice to have them meet. Still, I’m glad she isn’t here to see the mess that I missed._ **

**_Maybe she’d be happy for me…_ **

**_Maybe she would be mad.._ **

**_Maybe she would’ve liked him…_ **

**_Maybe she wouldn’t have…_ **

**_I’m just glad that he likes_ ** **me** **_..._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONLY TOOK 55 CHAPTER BUT THEY'RE TOGETHER! :D Thanks for all your support so far and I cant wait to finish this, whenever I do because I don't want to say bc I know I'll go over that.


	56. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really based off of "I can't handle change" by Roar, so listen to that, Ishida's part is completely that tbh

“I did it!”

Turning to Chi I saw him smiling at me. I finally told him, and he agreed to a date! 

“Wait- I don’t know where to take him…”

“I’m sure you can find a lunch place nearby. It can’t be that hard, hey, I’ll even help you!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m glad you told him, c’mon we can look somethings up on my computer.”

Walking over to Chi’s room I was excited. **_Wonder what Daiya would think… Eh, he always wanted me to be happy. He’d probably be fine. This will be good! I’ll have him and I won’t have to worry about that weird thing, right? Eh, probably._ **

Shrugging it off we settled into his room and started looking for good ideas.

\---

(Ishida POV)

_A date. He’s going on a date, tomorrow. He has managed to get a friend and someone who was willing to go further and who cares about him. Someone who genuinely wants to spend time with him. RIght? That's what a relationship is, right? He’s not just going to brush him off and ignore him right? He’ll stay and care, and I’ll be obsolete. ~~Unless…~~ _ ~~_He doesn’t do that. If he does treat him the same as Daichi then I could take over while he rests, I could help him..._ ~~ ~~~~

_No, no that’s ridiculous! Bike boy seemed to care, he said so himself! He wouldn’t hurt Kiyotaka, right? He’ll be perfect for Kiyotaka!_ ~~_But if he’s not…_ ~~ _Then I would be there to help Kiyotaka, of course! That’s only if he does though, there's only a small chance of that. He’ll be great, and with bike boy Mondo and Makoto then if Kiyotaka needed help he could get it from them._

_That’s what I signed up for, right? To be erased when he didn’t need me? Nothing I do is ever good enough, It’s never even good. I try, but It’s never what he needs or anything like that._

_I could feel my hands shaking as I grabbed my hair, curling in on myself. Suddenly it was all too warm, too warm, too warm, and I was trembling softly but I couldn’t find a reason. I shouldn’t be so upset, I knew this would happen. Keeping my breath as even as I could, I could feel my shoulders shake as I cried. It was quiet, so unlike Kiyotaka’s cries._

_He would sob loudly with large movements and a scrunched up face. It was over-exaggerated but it fit him. He would sob, but he always had a good reason too. When he was happy he would cry, but it was different. He would scrunch up but he would keep it quiet. He would pretend like it was something else. It was always more painful than the actual sobs. He would think to himself how he didn’t deserve the happiness. The sobs felt like he was releasing everything into the open, where he could deal with it. The happy tears, just felt like he was overflowing with something he didn’t deserve._

_Crying wasn’t something I did. I always buried the urge and eventually I couldn’t really cry if I wanted too. It was awful, worse than the loud hideous sobs the would be torn from Kiyotaka’s throat, that left it feeling scratchy and raw. I would be shaking and on the verge of tears but none would come. It felt like an invalidation. It felt like my sadness wasn’t real and that I was just faking._

_Maybe I am. Maybe this was all just an act, who am I to say? Maybe I’m just an act, a manifestation of fear. I’m not even close to human, do I even have the right to cry? Do I even need to cry? Are my emotions mine or just some idea thought up by Kiyotaka?_

_Maybe that's what I deserve, I didn’t do my job. I don’t deserve to be treated like a person if I can’t do the one thing that I’m supposed too. If I did then I would have respect and dignity. I would be able to feel like a person. Instead, I messed that up. I messed that up and now I’m here. Sitting in a corner, trying to cry for sympathy like a pathetic child._

_Maybe this is where I belong…_

_Maybe this empty feeling will leave…_

_Or maybe, it will consume me whole._

_Perhaps I will fade into nothingness or maybe I’ll just disappear._

_Maybe I’d be gone from memory and maybe I’d just be forgotten before I get the chance._

_Could I even die? Would I want to?_

_Scrubbing my hands over my face I pulled them away to feel a single tear. How fitting._

\---

(Taka POV)

After changing, I slipped into bed. The covers were warm and comforting as I lied back until my head hit the pillow and I could feel my eyes closing as I drifted off. Relaxing into the mattress I could see the purple but I let myself drift off immediately. 

I fell into a chair and I was looking at that bay, I could assume he was Ishida. He had that same defeated and tired look as when he was sinking down. He was sitting in front of me and his eyes seemed to fade from red to grey as I stared. Reaching over to me I felt chains wrap around my arms and as I tried to reach for him I couldn’t move. I was stuck to the chair as all the color drained out of him and onto the floor. 

Suddenly, the room tilted and the puddle of color under his feet flowed over to me and was absorbed into my feet. I could see my colors shining brighter as he coughed and coughed. Blue and purple came up as he spits the water out of his mouth. He pointed at me before his eyes rolled back and he fell. Instead of hitting the floor, he was falling, falling and I was rising up as he was overtaken by the dark blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, major projection onto Ishida. Everything about crying was purely me. I was honestly really stuck for this chapter, writing this is a chore and I don't plan on stopping it but I can say my chapters may be later than usual and might have less "quality" to them. (JK, I never had quality)
> 
> I might miss a day, and I'm sorry about that but I do love this story and I can't wait to finish it with you!


	57. Chapter 57

Sitting up, Taka could feel the sweat running down his back as he peered around his room nervously. Splotches of purple stained his vision as he tried to blink awake. The dream was slipping from his mind but that guy- Ishida’s face stayed in his mind. He seemed so resigned but scared.  **_It’s my fault. my fault. my fault. my fault. Oh God, It’s all my fault. He’s suffering and I- I did nothing! I’m just like Daiki, oh god, oh god, I- I’m not a leader. I don’t have morals, I'm awful!_ **

**_Oh god, No one would like me if they knew about- about what I’ve done. Mondo would hate me! He wouldn’t want me as- as a boyfriend! Why would anyone? I thought that I was the Moral compass, but I- I’ve killed him! Killed him? Is that what happened?_ **

His breathing sped up as he scooted into the corner of his bed and glanced around his room. Looking for the chains or Ishida.

**_I-Ishida? Are you there? I killed him! Oh my god, I killed him, I’m worse than my grandfather! I’ve done the unspeakable! They- They would hate me if they knew, Oh god what have I done. Father- Father would be so ashamed of me. Oh god, he already thinks I’m a screw up._ **

Wrapping his arms around himself, he brought his legs to his chest as he felt his eyes water. He could hardly feel his face. He could feel his shoulders shake but barely blinked as the tears fell. His breathing was ragged and suddenly the room was too cold, too cold, too cold, too cold. The walls seemed to be looming as he glanced around. The only light coming from the hallway. The darkness was turning purple the more he stared at it. He wanted to blink, but was far too scared to do that without fearing what would happen.

**_I could never tell my classmates what to do, not after I’ve killed someone! Let alone the masses! H-how could I have failed so horribly? How could I have done something so rash? How could I just let him do that?_ **

He could hear loud, ragged breaths and wheezing sobs. Glancing around, he realized they were being ripped from his own throat as he squeezed his arms tighter and tighter. Glancing over he could see the scissors sitting on the bedside table.  **_Release, release, release, release._ ** The metal reflected the thin line of light. With a shaking hand, he slowly reached over and grabbed the scissors.

\---

(Mondo POV)

Walking down the hallway I tried to rub the sleep from my eyes. I had tried to sleep, but nerves and excitement kept me up. Walking into the elevator I could feel a smile pulling at my lips.  **_I gotta date tomorrow._ ** As I pressed the button for the elevator heard a loud noise. Somewhere between a gasp and a yell. I couldn’t hear anything else, so I shrugged it off and let the doors close in front of me.

I hummed quietly as I stepped out and walked over to the kitchen.  **_Maybe Taka’ll come down tonight. That’d be nice._ ** I took out two mugs and started making the tea.

I started quietly singing to myself as I finished when I heard a step creak behind me. Turning around with a smile, I saw Taka.

His face was pale and his eyes were rimmed red. His breathing was shallow and I could see him shaking slightly. My smile slipped into a frown as I walked over to him. Opening my arms I let him move closer and wrap his arms around me. When I hugged back I could feel him wince. He ignored the worried look and just buried his face into my shoulder.

I felt my face heat up a little bit as I let go and grabbed our tea. He seemed stiff and I could see him looking me over, wearily as he drank his tea. His hair was messed up and I could see his hoodie was stained but I couldn’t tell what it was in the dark.

I smiled softly as I leaned against him. He grit his teeth before smiling, forcibly back at me. He shifted and leaned against me slightly. Sighing, I let most of my weight fall back against the cabinet and he let out a breath. After another minute he downed his tea before smiling at me and putting it away. He waved to me with a smile before walking out of the kitchen.

I smiled and waved back before downing my tea and getting up.

\---

(Taka POV 1st person) 

I could feel the blood drying on the hoodie and realized how much of a pain it would be to get out.  **_That’s what a murderer like me gets. It’s karma, and I know all about that, right?_ **

Walking into the elevator I pushed the button. I could feel the cool metal on my feet and the thought made me think of the chains. Grimacing I shifted, before watching the doors open in front of me. Rushing out, I opened my door with shaking hands. For a second I could see Ishida sitting in the chair across the room. Staring at me with his dead eyes and watching me. I could feel his gaze boring into me. Blinking, he disappeared, replaced by nothing but empty space. Closing the door, I walked over to my bed on shaky legs.

Sitting down, I sighed. I moved to lay down, ignoring the pain, and got under the blankets. Despite the tea, I felt cold, cold, cold, cold. The blankets were too cold, too cold, too cold. And the bed had spots of pink dotting it. Closing my eyes I saw his face falling back into the swirling purple that was filling up the room. Forcing my eyes open, I took in a shaky breath as I tried to calm myself down. Curling up I glanced around, wearily. I felt my eyes getting tired and my eyelids drooping but I forced myself to open them again and again. I could hear the chains rattling in my eyes and I pulled the blankets up to cover my head.

As I drifted off I felt my stomach churn and my breath quicken as I tried to push the fear out of my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support! My computer wouldn't work which is why I am late but I like this chapter and think its prey good so I hope that makes up for it!


	58. Chapter 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this has a **lot **of self hate and mentions of cutting.****

The next morning feels like he’s been raised from the dead. His throat is still raw and the blood is only more visible now. The pink staining obnoxiously against the cuff of his light blue hoodie. The feeling is scratchy and annoying. Looking around the bed he can see more stains of pink against the grey. His mind is foggy and it feels like he’s still dreaming. His vision seems slightly out of focus and something about the feeling of his bed seems off. 

Logically, He knows it isn’t. Today is the same as every day. There is nothing different or new.  **_Except for the fact you're a murderer now._ ** The thought hits him like a train and he can already feel the panic rising in his stomach and pressing against his throat. He could feel the tears rising and the heat both filling his face and leaving his entire body. Grabbing the blanket he wrapped it around his shoulders as he curled in on himself. He wiped at his eyes,  **_How am I even still crying?_ ** As he tried to stop them. 

The image of Ishida sinking into the purple waters, looking at him with so much emotion, but none at the same time was haunting. Looking around the room he realized that he’d left the bathroom door open. Getting up, he went over to close it. Looking in he could see his reflection staring back at him. The reflection seemed to flicker between him and Ishida sinking into it.

Slamming the door. He pressed his back against it before shakily walking back into his bed. He peered around anxiously. His brain screaming at him to  **_be logical! There's no one here but me! Of course, why would anyone else be here?_ ** But the thought didn’t help. The feeling of eyes burned under his skin as he shuffled into the corner, trying to look everywhere at once.

Looking around, he knew he should get up. That he should go and get breakfast. Going to put his foot down, the thought of chains flashed before him. The thought of being pinned to his bed. Of the color seeping into him as Ishida became paler and paler and paler. The idea of the red eyes that looked just like his. That looked just like his mother’s. Losing all of their color as it drained from him. The fiery makeup fading away as his eyes lost all of their life.

Bringing his legs close to his chest he quickly rethought that idea. He would have to eventually, of course, he had things to do today! The idea of cold metal, digging into his skin as he tried to reach for someone who wasn’t there-

Shaking, he quickly pushed himself against the wall as much as possible. Wrapping the blanket closer around him he could feel himself begin to shake.  **_No, no, no, no, I didn’t mean to- I didn’t want to- It wasn’t my fault-_ **

**“Just like his grandfather.”**

**“What a freak.”**

**“A failure like the rest of them.”**

**_No, no, no,_ **

**_“No, no, no!”_ **

With a choked sob he curled in on himself and covered his ears.  **_What a leader I am now. What a Moral compass._ ** Sitting up, he tentatively put his foot down and quickly ran into the bathroom. Looking away from the mirror he quickly undressed and stepped into the shower. Ignoring the stinging in his arms he quickly showered and stepped out. He was still shaking and the cold air made him shiver even more. Quickly walking he grabbed a new uniform. Checking the cuts, he made sure they weren’t bleeding. Nodding to himself he quickly pulled the uniform on.

Rubbing his eyes, he went back for a minute to check how he looked. Clenching his teeth, he looked at himself. Ishida wasn’t staring back at him, but the person that looked  _ horrible _ . His eyes were red and puffy. He had faint dark rings under his eyes that stood out against his pale skin. 

Sighing, he looked down as he stepped out of his room. Glancing around he saw Fujisaki walking down the hall. Keeping his head down he tried to stay out of sight and quickly walked over to the stairs. He took a deep breath and started down the stairs. It was the weekend so he didn’t have class but most of his class still woke up rather early. He was usually one of the first of them, but today he had stayed in his room so long that most of the class would be eating.

Walking down the stairs he could feel his legs aching but pushed through and made his way downstairs. When he finally reached the bottom he walked into the hallway to see a lot of people in the kitchen. Most of his class as well as at least half the other class. The noise was unbearable. Grimacing, he slipped in to grab an apple and slip back out. 

Letting out a breath he relaxed his shoulders and walked over to the, now empty, elevator. Pressing the button for the roof he bit into the apple. Getting out he went to sit at the bench only to find someone else sitting there. Mukuro looked up at him before moving over and letting him sit on one end.

Smiling thinly at her he sat down and ate his apple. She was reading and ignoring him while he tried his best to not look over at her. Finishing his apple, he threw it away in a bin nearby but stopped himself before sitting down again.  **_Wasted enough of her time._ **

“You can sit there if you like. I do not care much either way.” She spoke up, still not looking up at him.

“A-ah Thank you, Iskusaba.”

Finally looking up at him she looked him over before returning to her book. Looking at her eyes, he could see they were grey, devoid of color and emotions. She didn’t smile, but she didn’t quite frown either. She kept her face neutral. He had overheard Ludenberg mention to Kirigiri that Ikusaba had “A poker face she would kill for”. Looking at it now all he felt was sick. It felt like he was being looked right through. Shivering, he Smiled before turning around and leaving. 

**_Murderer, murderer, murderer, murderer, murderer. Nothing but a killer._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason Ishida isn't here is because he "went away" after completing his goal. Taka was happier than ever and so he kind of is like, hibernating? Also, the thoughts are so loud that anything he said won't be heard
> 
> Am I queen of repetition yet? Also if you didn't know, which most fo you probably don't, The last few chapter have been because of two similar comments I got giving me ideas. I like them and used them for this~
> 
> So thank you to wakeywakeyeggnbakey and Joesus. I really liked the idea and stole it, so thanks!
> 
> Also follow me on Insta if you want. I don't post stuff about this but I post some things I find funny, @Danganronpa_but_squidward. So check it out! Thanks for reading!


	59. Chapter 59

Walking away he could feel Ikusaba’s gaze boring into his back as he rushed away. He felt awful he didn’t want her thinking it was her fault. Outside of the garden, there was a small hallway with restrooms, a room for any student with an astrology related talent, and the counselor's office. 

Walking into the restroom, Taka immediately went over to one of the mirrors. His eyes were red as ever but the longer he looked the more they changed into the grey, soulless, swirling dots that Ishida had.

Shaking his head he washed his hands with a small, scared laugh. **_I’m just seeing things, correct? This is just my self conscious! This is just a vision. None of this is real!_ **

Collecting himself, he studied the mirror wearily. He didn’t look ready for a date, let alone with Mondo **_. Perhaps I should wear what I wore with Makoto… No those show my arms, I don’t need a reason for him to leave the date. What do I do if he does? Do I stay and eat or do I leave as well? What would it be like in class? I doubt he would want to see me after something like that. Would he respect me after that? And what if he does like dating me, as unlikely as that is. A relationship entails certain… things, does it not? He would find out sooner or later._ **

Gripping the sides of the sink, Taka could see his knuckles turning white. His breath was coming out too fast and he was so nervous. Nervous, nervous, nervous. He could see all the options, all the outcomes, all the chances flashing in front of him as he tried to steady his breathing. All the ways he would say that he really wasn’t interested, that he didn’t care and that it was a joke. Telling him that it was fine, but he’d rather stay friends, that he didn’t want to stay friends, that he never really liked Taka anyway.

He couldn’t tell which was more frightening, the chance that he hated him and never wanted to speak again, or that he liked him and they would continue the relationship. On one hand, Mondo would still have some respect for him, even if Taka lost a friend. On the other, Mondo would be disgusted and Taka would lose a lot more than just a friendship.

Even if he had to choose between the two options, it would be fine. He would make a smart and logical decision. He would choose a better outcome. The problem was, it wasn’t up to him. It was all up to Mondo’s thoughts. Even if after all the thinking out and planning and debating, Taka decided that not pursuing a relationship would be better, he knew that if Mondo wanted to continue he wouldn’t say no.  **_That’s the problem with me, isn’t it? I’m always heart before brain. I act before I can think. I’m so stupid._ **

Washing his hands, he splashed the cool water on his face before walking out. Running hands through his hair he could imagine Mondo walking back to Hope’s peak and revealing his choice. He would stop before they got to the doors, maybe he would wait until the elevator ride, and tell him. He would turn to Taka and either say it wasn’t working out or that he wanted to do it again. Either way, Taka wouldn’t try and sway him. He couldn't, half of him was begging him to try and impress Mondo and the other half urged him to make the biker not want to see him again.

Taka was stuck in the middle of the two sides. He couldn’t go either way without feeling like he was doing something wrong. The only thing he could do was let Mondo be the decider. He would be the variable to choose the outcome. It was only making Taka more anxious, variables were out of his control and the idea made him uncomfortable. The feeling of having no control over something that someone else had control over made him bite his nails and pull at his hair. 

It wasn’t often that something like that happened. Even with Daiki, he had known what the other was doing and went along with it anyway. Whenever he was hit or kicked, he knew that it was in his best interest to not resist, so he didn’t. He always had control over some aspect of whatever he was doing, but this? He had no control, he was relying on someone else to tell him. Taka had no doubt that he liked Mondo, he liked him very much and would enjoy being with him. Although it may interfere with his academic pursuit, he would get to help Mondo and would learn more about social interactions.

As much as Taka wished he could say that he would be the one who would tell Mondo no, no because that would be better for them both, he knew he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t say that because he didn’t want to. Because that would make him unhappy and miserable. He knew that even if it hurt he would want to stay with Mondo. Like he did Daiki, he would stay for the sake of comfort. 

Taking a deep breath he walked into the elevator. Pressing 3, he looked around dully. He could feel the sinking feeling in his stomach as he took the lift down. It was nerve-wracking and not something he wanted to deal with. It was something he never expected to deal with let alone with another  _ man _ . 

He was in uncharted waters and it was far too deep for him. The only thing he could do was keep his head above water and hope Mondo knew what he was doing. He was at a loss and no amount of studying could help him this time.  **_Should I have said no? Ws saying yes the right answer? It’s too late now, but I should have thought it out. I should have been reasonable!_ ** As the machine dinged he stepped out and was immediately greeted by Aoi. 

“Hey, Ishi! I heard you got a date!”

“A-ah yes, how did you-?”

“I overheard Oowada ask you out! I wanted to help! if you want me to. I could do a little makeup and I have some of my brother's clothes!”

“I-I suppose that would be nice… Thank you!”

Smiling, she pulled him over to her room. 

  
  


“Of course, that's what friends do!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's secret is finally going to be found out!
> 
> Taka is not just talking about sex when he says "certain things". Just cuddling or anything intimate would be rather new for him and he is worried about having to do those things. To make it clear, a relationship should only have what you and the other person are BOTH comfortable with. Even small things might be uncomfortable.
> 
> Yes, I use a lot of repetition. Sometimes more than is needed but I like the way it sounds so :/


	60. Chapter 60

Following Aoi, he was surprised.  **_Friends? They were friends? She was really nice, and a great friend to the others, I hadn’t even realized we were friends! She had always been nice, but I always assumed that was just how she acted._ **

Aoi’s walk was more of a hop or skip. She would bounce around and always seemed upbeat. Her smile was always genuine and she was so vocal about her opinions. She was reliable, she was kind, and even if she wasn’t the brightest, she tried. She was someone Taka respected, she wouldn’t take anything from anyone, not even Togami. The first week she had left a mark by getting everyone together and making a group chat. It had ended in chaos but it had been fun. She was so lovely and he had always wanted to be friends, so hearing they were friends made him happy. 

Her smile was infectious and he found himself grinning along as she rambled about what she wanted to do. He nodded along, barely having time to process her words as she smiled and talked. Her dorm was only a few doors away but she filled every second. Before opening the door she turned to him. 

“Oh! Sakura is in here too just so you know. You don’t mind, right?”

He shook his head, he really didn’t. He had made the mistake of calling Oogami a man the first time they met. She had been very kind about it and told him that she was used to it. She was another person he respected, most of the girls were. She was calm and never used violence unless needed, even though she very well could. She was kind and cared deeply about her friends. She would sometimes speak to him, never for long, but he enjoyed the time anyway.

Walking in the first thing he noticed was all the motivational posters on Aoi’s walls. She had a lot, and the space they didn’t take up had famous swimmers or pictures of her with her friends. He noticed one or two with him and it brought a warm feeling to his chest. 

Oogami was sitting on Aoi’s bed, with her back against the headboard. She nodded to him with a gentle smile and he did the same. Aoi was bouncing around as usual and was explaining her idea to Oogami. The taller girl seemed to understand and told the shorter she had to leave for training. Nodding, Aoi waved goodbye and watched as she left.

  
  


Turning back to him, she had a determined look in her eyes. She was smiling and her eyes seemed to shine as she bounced on her heels.

“Ok! FIrst thing, first! Take off your jacket so I can see what fits, ok?”

Nodding, he didn’t realize his mistake until his brain was screaming at him. He had already taken it halfway off and his brain was panicking. He couldn’t hear anything over the screaming in his head until he heard Aoi speaking softly.

“You too?” she looked sad but knowing. She was looking him in the eye and her bubbly personality had faded. She was holding a t-shirt in her hands and was clenching it tightly.

“A-ah, Pardon?”

“You haven’t been eating. I used to be like that, it was hard to- to stop. Without eating and my swimming, I lost weight fast, and eventually, I could barely swim. It’s not good, you know. You-you really need to eat.”

“I- I am, now… H-he changed and told me too, so I- I do.”

She looked him over, wearily, before nodding. She looked determined but happier. 

“Alright! If you ever need to talk about anything come talk to me, especially before you-” She gestured to his arms. 

Cringing he tried to cover them up, he knew she had seen them, but she didn’t look at him with pity or disgust. She looked at him with concern and a hint of sadness. 

“Th-thank you…” He trailed off, not meeting her eyes. She was clearly worried but nodded.

“We’ll talk more later, ok? I don’t like my friends being hurt. Right now, let's get you ready ok? But if you want to stop by don’t hesitate, deal?”

He nodded before she handed him the shirt and turned back. 

“Ah, this is short-sleeved… and…”

Turning around she put a finger to her chin. 

“You could have bandages or I can look for a long-sleeved one? Hmm, Oh! My grandma gave me a sweater a while ago and I never wore it but I think it would fit you!”

After digging through her closet she pulled out a grey, knit sweater. 

“You can wear that shirt under it, it’s kinda chilly so you’ll be fine. I think I have some jeans around here. He was getting rid of the stuff but I have friends who wanted some of it.”

She handed him the sweater and a pair of blue jeans before pushing him into the bathroom with the order to “Change and let me see how you look!”

Walking in he looked down at  [ the outfit ](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F41%2Fa5%2F72%2F41a57297c90768b91dc5aad34c6d8f63.jpg&f=1&nofb=1) , she seemed to know what she was doing, and not one to doubt his friends he pulled the outfit on. Folding his uniform he walked out to show her. She brightened when he did.

“Ah! It looks great! Hmmm, I might have an old pair of sneakers, your boots wouldn’t go with it, is that ok?”

“I- I suppose, but I couldn’t possibly borrow such nice clothes!”

“Pshh, It’s fine! I don’t need them anyway, you can keep them, I need the sneakers, though.” She told him, laughing. It wasn’t at him, it was just a happy laugh. He could still see the underlying worry as she talked to him and it was clear she wouldn’t let him go without him agreeing to talk more with her. 

She smiled at him before grabbing some shoes and handing them to him. Pulling them on, he looked up at her. She nodded before turning to look at her clock. 

“What time is your date?”

“Around noon, why?”

“It’s almost 11:50! Go, you don’t wanna be late! And don’t forget, to come over after so we can talk!”

He nodded before thanking her and walking out of the room. Going over to his room he couldn’t help but pace. He was jittery and his mind was racing with the thought of Mondo’s reaction. When the doorbell rang he jumped before walking over and opening it. Mondo was standing there. His hair was down, and he was wearing a short-sleeved plain white shirt with his usual pants and a normal belt. He looked as nervous as Taka felt. 

“HEY!” He yelled before wincing and hunching over. Sorry, force o’ habit. Ya- Ya look nice…”

Blushing Taka found himself smiling again. “You as well!”

“So- uh should we go?”

“Yes, let’s!”

Smiling he stepped out of his room and walked down the hall with the taller boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so I'm going to write a bit but first I want to know if you would be interested in a Q&A type thing with a short oneshot? I wanted to celebrate 60 chapters and if you would be interested feel free to leave questions for anyone, Me, Ishida, or anyone else you want to know about!
> 
> Ok, Wow. I expected to get maybe 20 Kudos, and no more than 30 chapters. The fact that I have now doubled that makes me very happy and I really like this chapter. I relied less on a monologue to get me to 1k words and I finished writing early. I think that my improvement from the 1st chapter to now is impressive and that's why I started writing so I'm glad it's something people like!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and if you do want a Q&A let me know, if not I'll just post normally. Either way works for me!


	61. Chapter 61

Walking out of the building, the air was tense, not helped by mondo. He had his hands stuffed into his pockets and his shoulders were almost to his ears. He was clearly tense, not to mention he was rather pink and seemed to be trying to stay as far away from Taka as possible. It was obvious how nervous he was. He kept cracking his knuckles and scratching his neck.

It was endearing at first but now it just felt like an early rejection. He didn’t look at Taka and kept his eyes trained on the ground. The few attempts at starting a conversation Taka tried had all flopped at the biker’s tiny answers. At first, Taka was upset, he was clearly trying to start something and Mondo was ignoring him! The more he thought about it the more he realized that he was just realizing that it had been a mistake.

**_Ah, of course… He realized faster than I expected… I really thought I had a chance, huh? I really thought he might like me… All of Aoi’s hard work for nothing.In the end he didn’t even try… Guess I don’t have to worry about that variable anymore._ **

“Hey, uh, ‘m sorry ‘m bein’ all awkward...”

Looking over to him, he did look sheepish. He was hunched over and scratching the back of his neck. He was pink but seemed apologetic.

“I haven'’ done this before an’ I don’ know what ta do.”

“It's fine, I do not really know, either. Although you seem uncomfortable, would you prefer to go back?”

“NO!”

Wincing at the loud volume he looked over at the other who seemed very worried. 

“I-uh, shit- I mean n-nah, I wanna go on th’ date, i-if ya still wanna that is-”

“I would like to.”

“G-great then! Let’s go.”

Walking after that he could breathe easier and he even saw Mondo glance over at him a few times. It was good to know that he still wanted to go on the date.

**_Even if it won’t last long. At the end of the day, he won’t want to… No one would want to… Might as well enjoy this while it lasts, I suppose… Not that it's going to be for long I suppose. I should just act happy right? Yeah, He’ll say no in the end so why bother…_ **

When they reached the small place, Mondo walked ahead, holding the door open for him. Smiling, he walked past the door. They took a seat near the front. It was a cozy place, they had sandwiches and drinks and was cheap enough that students would frequent it. Taka had never had the friends or funds to go, so it was new to him.

Looking up at the menu, Taka chose a salad while Mondo got a sandwich. As they waited for the food they talked.

It was interesting, to Taka, to see Mondo shift and relax and adjust. The conversation started off stilted and awkward. There was little flow and it was more of just questions and answers. It was uncomfortable and tense. 

Once the food came, however, the conversation flowed nicely as they laughed and talked. They would ask about each other and tell small stories without feeling stuck. It was nice to be able to talk to someone openly. It was like how he felt talking with Makoto or even with Aoi. Mondo had relaxed and looked a lot happier.

**_It’s only for a little, don’t get used to it. It won't last. It’s just this one meal. He won’t want you around longer than that. I promise you._ **

Sighing, he brought his smile up again as he turned back into Mondo’s words. He was talking about his puppy. His face had lit up when taka had asked him about the pet. He had started to excitedly tell Taka about the Maltese, Chuck, that he had. He talked with his hands and it was endearing.

When the food was ready they ate and Mondo talked about everything from his older brother, who he described lovingly but said some awful things about, to his bike. He would talk quietly until he got really excited or worked up. Taka would, in turn, ask questions and tell Mondo about the cat he used to own.

Mondo would try to get Taka to laugh with stories of rather, in Mondo’s words, “dumb as fuck” decisions by his gang. It was entertaining, if not a little worrying. Mondo would smirk whenever Taka laughed. when he pointed it out the biker blushed and denied it. 

When they finished eating, Mondo paid, much to Taka’s dismay, and they walked out. It was warm enough that walking around was nice. The walk back was much more pleasant than the walk there. They talked the entire way and walked side by side. Mondo looked completely out of place. With his hair in a ponytail and the way he smiled, it sent butterflies to Taka’s stomach. Which were replaced almost immediately by a dead weight in his chest at the thought of it ending. It was harder to smile. The thought of Monod walking away and never speaking to him again hurt more than it should. Plastering his smile on he continued nodding along to Mondo's words.

When they did reach the school Mondo made no move to stop so taka just followed him inside. He kept up the conversation as they made their way back into the elevator. As the button for the 3rd floor was pressed Taka could feel the weight getting heavier and it sent a chill over him. As soon as that small, practically insignificant  _ ding _ sounded it would be over. Taking a breath he found himself laughing at a joke that Mondo made.

When the  _ ding _ finally sounded the hall monitor jumped a little, before stepping out and standing in front of his room. Mondo stood awkwardly in front of him, scratching the back of his neck. His face and neck were bright pink and before Taka could say anything he blurted out,

“DO YA WANNA DO THAT AGAIN SOMETIME?”

Taken aback, Taka looked up at him, before blushing himself and nodding with a relieved smile. Grinning, the biker looked away before saying goodbye and walking into his room. The weight had been lifted off of his chest and as Taka made his way to Aoi’s room he felt like he was on top of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post yesterday but I didn't know how to write this and I wanted it to be good. I think it turned out ok, so I hope you don't mind the lateness.
> 
> If you haven't already noticed I have a REAL ending planned. The next chapter will be a talk with Aoi (I thought her last name was Aoi which is why he refers to her as that, sorry) and then a little epilogue to wrap it all up. I am sad to know this is ending but I also can't wait to start a new story!


	62. Chapter 62

(Aoi POV) 

I sat on my bed, holding a pillow close to my chest. The thought that someone as strong and motivational as Ishimaru would actually be… well, depressed was shocking. He was always in the front of the class, lecturing us or trying to get us to pay attention. 

Sure, it was a little annoying, but he clearly cared for all of us and he was always nice to me! He would always lecture Hifumi whenever he made anyone uncomfortable, and he would take every problem seriously. Even if sometimes he took something too far or he overreacted, he did it out of love. It was nice to know I had someone to fall back on. Someone who cared about my future, even if some others didn’t. To think that he never had anyone to fall back on himself was heartbreaking.

I knew I had plenty of people to rely on. Sakura would drop anything for me in a second and the girls had my back when push came to shove. Hell, even Togami would probably help me if I really needed to. Makoto, of course, had my back and Kirigiri was one of my best friends. Chihiro was really nice and even Fukawa had warmed up to me a little bit thanks to her girlfriend!

Thinking about it, I realized that Ishi really doesn’t have anyone. Sure, I knew that I would help him if he needed it, but he didn’t really have any friends. He didn’t have anyone to talk to. I always figured he would be smart enough not to but…I guess he still fell for it.

He always seemed so put together and perfect but the more I thought about it the more the picture fell apart.  **_He never took part in our class activities, he just planned them. He was always studying… Does he even do anything else?_ **

The idea of someone who was always there, always steady, being unstable was… unsettling. Especially to think it’s taken so long… I should have noticed. I know that Oowada had been talking with him, and if what Sakura said was true then he probably had at least one person.  **_Does Oowada even know?_ **

I decided to talk to Sakura about it. I didn’t tell her much, but she was always so calm and composed. It helped calm me down a bit. Getting up I put away the other clothes I had taken out for Ishimaru. Folding the clothes I felt my mind wandering.  **_How long has he been like this? Does he know how much our class relies on him and needs him? Would he actually… would he really…?_ ** Shaking my head, I slapped my cheeks with my hands and focused back on the clothes in my hand.  **_No, don’t be ridiculous, he wouldn’t do something like that! AlthoughI should probably talk to him about it…_ **

**_Yeah, I’ll talk to him and it’ll be fine! I’ll make sure he doesn’t hurt himself, he already said he was stopping and I can get him some support! I bet Makoto would do it, maybe Oowada? Either way, it’ll be fine, yeah!_ **

Filled with determination I stood up and remade my bed before grabbing my sweatshirt. Going downstairs I stopped to talk to Sayaka for a moment before heading to the kitchen.  **_Conversations like these need comfort food! Donuts are the best, right? Yeah. Then we can talk it out without getting hungry! Even if he just ate, he probably wouldn’t mind some tea? Does he like tea? Eh, if he doesn’t I can get something else. Oh! I could make hot chocolate if we talk for a while…_ **

Humming, I flitted around the kitchen, gathering things I would need. Smiling to myself I grabbed my donuts and tea and checked the clock.  **_Hmm, it would be a little while until he got back... so I could make it and put it in a thermos… Then we can enjoy it when he gets back!_ **

“Good afternoon, Hina. What are you doing?” I could hear Sakura behind me. I jumped a little before turning around with a grin. 

“I’m getting snacks for when I hang out with Ishimaru!” I bounced over to her. She smiled calmly at me. 

“That sounds wonderful, Hina.”

Smiling, I hugged her quickly before going back over to the counter. 

“Hopefully it will be! Are you getting your protein drink?” I asked looking over to the cup she was holding.

She nodded before filling up her cup and leaving, kissing my cheek before leaving. Blushing, I waved goodbye quietly before giggling and focusing back on the kettle in front of me. 

Walking back up to my room I carefully balanced my box of donuts, two cups and the thermos I had put the tea in.

Unlocking my dorm, I made sure to leave it unlocked in case he got here early. Setting it down I started to move pillows around so we could sit on the floor and eat. Looking at my handiwork I nodded and got comfortable.

I heard a knocking from the door a few minutes after I had settled in.

“It’s unlocked!” I called. Ishimaru walked in, hesitantly.

“Oh hey Ishi! How was your date?”

Blushing he messed with the sleeve of the sweater before carefully sitting down across from me. “It was good… He wants to do it again.”

“Do you?”

Nodding, he looked around at all the pillows. “Yes, I would like that a lot.”

Smiling, I opened my arms and gestured around us. “I made it comfy! I just wanted to ask you a few things, y’know?” I told him, trying to remember what my therapist would say to me.

He nodded. I put my arms down and tried to look relaxed.

“I got donuts and tea! You can have any if you want, I just wanted to ask if you, like have friends you can talk too?”

“I- I assumed you?”

“Of course!” I said, leaning forward a little bit before swaying back. “But I mean like besides just me, do you have a group of people?”

“U-um, Makoto lets me talk to him, or he did… He said I could talk to him whenever…”

“That’s great! What about Oowada? Or any parents?” I asked, taking a donut. I could see him eyeing them but he didn’t take any.

“A-ah no… I haven’t told anyone aside from Makoto, and now you… I don’t think Mondo would care about me much if he knew… and my father is too busy for trivial things like this.”

“Ishi, you’re feelings aren’t trivial, he should know,” I said, looking at him seriously. “And I’m sure that Oowada wouldn’t hate you! I think he’d worry more than anything.”

“Y-yes, I suppose you may have a point…”

Nodding I took another donut, offering him the box. He hesitantly broke off a part of one and ate it slowly. 

“Thank you, You are very kind Asahina” He said with a small smile.

“Hey, I know this is probably a lot, but I think you should talk to the school therapist. I see her and I think it might help! I’d love to talk to you if you're not ready to talk with her.”

“I don’t know, Is it really worth her time?”

“Of course! Even if you didn’t I would recommend her!”

“I don’t know…”

“That’s ok! You don’t have to! For now, we can just talk, and maybe we could do a group session sometime!”

Nodding he quietly finished eating his donut and cautiously took the tea.

Changing the conversation, we started talking about upcoming projects, Oowada, and everything we could think of. 

\----

(Taka POV)

As she happily chatted away I answered back with my own stories and ideas. She was easy to talk to and seemed to genuinely care. It was nice and as we talked I found myself relaxing.

_ Maybe I don’t have to loosen up. _

_ Maybe I don’t have to change. _

_ Maybe... I can have a friend who likes me… Maybe even more than one... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, that's the end. I will be adding the epilogue of course but it's technically over. I wanted to end with a positive and open note, so even if I don't love it, this is where it will end. I will save the full speech for tomorrow when I write the epilogue but if you're skipping the epilogue and are just happy that it's over, I don't blame you, it's been a long and wild ride. I've enjoyed it and I love knowing that others have too! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, I will see you tomorrow.


	63. Epilogue

He did end up going to therapy. With Aoi and Makoto’s help, he went and he talked. It became a weekly thing and with time he started to heal. It, of course, took time and he did have relapses. Aoi was always there, she became his training buddy and Makoto would study with him. When he told Mondo he was supportive and helped in any way he could. Mondo started therapy a couple months into their relationship. He had volunteered and together they went. 

Taka would help Aoi when she needed it and eventually, he became closer to his class. With Mondo’s help, he loosened up and became more open. He still upheld his morals but he didn’t rule over the class with an iron fist. 

Ishida was still there. He would come up occasionally, and when he did it never meant anything good. He had so many issues of his own that whenever he surfaced he would usually break down. It was never very often but when it happened in front of the class no one knew what to do. 

It was hard to go on when he felt Ishida surfacing, he knew it meant he needed a break, but taking a break would be like him telling Ishida to leave. They had conversations occasionally. They were never light or airy but they were important according to the therapist.

It had put a strain on their relationship whenever Taka was overworking to the point of Ishida. They had gotten into fights over it more than once. In the end, they always made up and worked through it but Mondo would always get mad when he found Taka overexerting himself or not taking breaks. Taka would get worried about Mondo but unless he was violating the law he would usually try and refrain from yelling. Most of their fights ended in Mondo going to his room to punch his punching bag until he was tired and then apologizing. They would cuddle as they whispered apologies softly. They always tried to be open about their feelings but neither were very good at it yet.

When they graduated Taka changed his goal, he wanted to help others and was studying to be a teacher. He wanted to keep Mondo in his life, and he did. His carpentry was good and he started doing commissions and selling stuff online. He would spend the day in the room he had turned into his workshop and create things. Whenever he showed something to Taka he would always have a sense of pride around him and it made Taka smile.

He was usually busy with school, it took a lot of time and it would be very stressful but having Mondo helped. The biker still had his bike and would ride but he had left the gang in Takemichi’s hands. They all still met up for drinks and the occasional ride but Mondo had put it behind him. The business went alright and between school and Mondo Taka had started talking with his father more.

Their relationship had never been perfect, not even good. So, after what was now dubbed “The Ishida incident” they hadn’t talked in a while. Takaaki was worried that he would act as his own father had and Taka had been so busy he hardly had time to check-in. They had grown as apart as family could, until graduation. Taka had started talking to him more and Takaaki had started trying to be more involved.

They were still cold and didn’t talk about feelings or really anything aside from the surface level things that came up. It was awkward and tiring but the progress was slow. Mondo always tried to help, he would tell Taka when he needed a break and when he should visit with friends or Takaaki. The two hadn’t gotten along very well, but they did their best to stay respectful. 

They would talk to their classmates often. Chihiro and Taka had grown a lot closer thanks to Mondo. Leon, Yasuhiro and he were friends, not close but friendly enough. Aoi and he had only become closer, and through her, him and Sakura. They would go out to eat together often. Makoto also stayed a close friend who brought Kyoko, Celestia, and even Byakuya with him. They all stayed close and it was nice to have so many friends. 

Yasuhiro had always been very kind, especially when it came to Ishida. He and Ishida seemed to be friends. No one understood but they were. He was one of the very few people that Ishida would let touch him or help to calm him down. Whenever Leon questioned his (now) husband, he would just shrug and say that Ishida was “a cool dude” and that they “just got along, I guess”.

Mondo and he had dated for years after Taka finished all of his schooling and training he started teaching history. He was always dead tired but he loved his job. Mondo continued to do his carpentry and worked part-time at a bar that one of his old gang friends had opened.

They made a decent enough income that they could start renting a bigger apartment and even got a dog. After much looking around they got a cat too. The dog was Maltese and named Daiya while the cat had been named Poppy in the shelter. Taka loved both of them, and would usually take Daiya out for walks and would cuddle Poppy when he was planning or just grading work. Mondo loved Daiya with all his heart and while he would never say it, he loved Poppy just as much. He would always complain about her but he loved the little ball of fluff as much as the dog.

When they got married there was no big proposal. Taka brought it up and they decided they wanted to get married. So, they traveled to America and tied the knot. They didn’t do anything big, just signing papers and saying “I do”.

They traveled around a bit before going back and celebrating with their friends. They were happy. They have each other and they have enough of a future plan that they could enjoy it and they planned to do just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote a small rant about having no choice between not feeling and feeling too much and disliking that about myself I never expected to write 63 chapters so slow burn. Yet here we are! If you read this chapter and are reading this, Thank you! If you aren't, thank you! If you stopped at the last chapter I don't blame you, and thank you for staying so long!
> 
> The support has been overwhelming and I feel like the improvement from last chapter and the first has been immense! Thank you for following my experiment and even if you're reading this later than when I post it, thanks for not giving up after the crap first chapter. I hope the epilogue wasn't horrible and any questions about anything I forgot to tie up I will answer~
> 
> **_I have no plans right now but if you have any ideas for fics I would be happy to try and write some? My oneshots aren't great but I enjoy trying new POVs and I would love any ideas, multi chap or otherwise **__**_**


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Before you start, two things. **_VERY IMPORTANT: The trigger warnings are more severe. We have a lot more self harm and suicidal thoughts. There is also a bit of suicidal ideation. Please do not read if that makes you uncomfortable. ** __**_**
> 
> **_ **_ Also, this chapter will be done in a very different style. I will be trying to be more of a storyteller style narration and will be more vague as I have more to cover.) _ ** _ **

(Again please check the notes in the beginning before reading)

So, we know the ending we just saw. We all know the happier end where Taka has friends, has a loving husband and even gets his father back. That’s what we know, but what if Kiyondo hadn’t changed his mind? What if he had cut them out forever and had taken over for the rest of his life, what would happen?

Well, the first thing that would change was the confrontation. He didn’t yell at them all together. He knew he had more time and did it one on one. He made them leave and slowly detached Taka from every and any one. He kept the job but stopped sending Takaaki the money. He got a new phone, deleting any way of contact. He convinced Takaaki of the same things as before, but this time, there was no reconciliation. They never spoke again.

After he stopped attending classes Kiyondo got more jobs and worked until he had enough to rent a small apartment with someone. It was far from ideal but as soon as he could he dropped out of Hope's Peak Academy and moved in. From there it was easy to cut off Bike bitch and the little man. They wouldn’t have looked for him anyway. He had fed the Bike bitch some lie about Kiyotaka only wanting to “fix him” and “look good” and he had fallen for it, hard.

Makoto had been harder but in the end, all Kiyondo had to do was say that Kiyotaka actually found him annoying. That he was overeager and a pest. The boy had stared at him in disbelief before leaving. Walking around he could tell the damage. Some blonde bitch was cackling and calling him darling after that. The way she grabbed his shoulders brought him back and he had punched her hard enough to knock her off of him.

The weeks that ended up being a couple of months that he spent there had been hell. Moving out had been amazing, but it also meant he had completed his goal.

Kiyotaka was far far away from everyone and now? He was free to do as he pleased but… he also couldn’t. He was just taking over someone’s already started work. He knew what he could do, but it felt weird and the more he thought about it, living as a practically dead man posed a lot of issues. He couldn’t exactly go to a different school because they would see his records and even with all his jobs, he didn’t have a ton of money to spare.

He didn’t even have any jobs or ideals to chase after. He had no childhood memories to turn into a job. He had nothing to strive towards. 

  
  


A lot had ended, but one thing that didn’t was the questioning. The endless wondering and thinking. The “why”s and the “what if”s didn’t stop. Through all the questions and introspection a thought came back. He had always encouraged Kiyotaka to turn to his scissors like they had the answer to everything. He tried it, to see. It didn’t have the feeling of release, it gave him no happiness. It was just pain, but it was better than the emptiness that was starting to fill him. He was starting to lose himself in the endless monotony and he couldn’t care less. He would forget to eat, more and more often, too often. He didn’t bother with anything anymore.

The little test became frequent to the point of constant dull pain. He would find himself staying in bed for days on end without moving a single inch. The days had started to blur, and when his stomach began to hurt and ache in protest he could hardly bring himself to get up. He always did, but it was becoming routine.

It was all a cycle, some days he would be called for an odd job but after a month he stopped. He went into the bathroom with Kiyotaka’s scissors and didn’t bother to come back out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to try and make some sort of happier end for Kiyondo but as much as I thought about it I think this is the only real direction he would go. Yeah, I don't really know either but I hope it's not horrible!
> 
> I debated posting this but in the end, I might as well. Yeah, it's not a very happy chapter, but if you guys don't like it I get it. Probably not what anyone thought I would write bc it's very different but I wanted to try something new. I've been reading a lot of Kamukura fics and that's kinda been projected here.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked leave kudos and a comment! I always want to improve so let me know how I can do that! I know he was a little OOC but I think that's just because of the situation. I don't know I might just be bad at writing! 
> 
> I made a playlist of what I listen to when I'm writing this book. If you want to listen to it then feel free to go here => https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3vRMPw6dJU4gd99O6BhpJA?si=PGne7bj5RLuQ32E-lBrAZw
> 
> and the one specifically for Ishida chapters => https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7sr3hP2OWKKtgOBmX6siqu?si=hvePnL8-QRKB9epPDkHw5Q


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